


These Four Years

by wakinguptoblue



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Georgie Denbrough Lives, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Incredibly Sappy, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Slow Burn, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, also im sorry if im not good at representing a poly relationship let me know if i get smth wrong, also ive only seen the 1st movie so f to all of u for the inaccuracy, bev and eddie friendship because there isn't enough of it, fuck canon my characters now, i have basically rewritten the entire story, inconsistent updates, it goes from freshman yr to senior yr, it's just a gay romance story, not that modern but enough so people have phones, wentworth is a dick but maggie is a sweet mom i love her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-26 18:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 63,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21378250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakinguptoblue/pseuds/wakinguptoblue
Summary: Richie wished he could make it all better, he wished he could make Mrs. K disappear and give Eddie good parents, one’s that loved him but not so much it was suffocating. He wished he could fix all of it.“Rich? You OK? I am enjoying you being quiet but-” Eddie asked, he must’ve heard Richie sniffle.“I wish we could run away.”“...Why?”“To get you away from your mom. And to get away from my dad. Would you do that with me?” Richie’s palms were sweaty.“I don’t know. That’s a hard thing to think about, Richie. And neither of us can drive, and we’re like 14-”“Would you run away with me when we turn 18? I’ll learn to drive, we can leave this shithole town, maybe the rest of the losers would follow. We can go to Portland and then we can live together.” The anticipation made him shaky.“Yeah. I can do that.”“I’m being serious, Eds.”“I know dumbass, I wouldn’t say I would run away with you as a joke.”“Pinkie promise? On your eighteenth birthday, we get out. Fuck Derry. Graffiti the ‘leaving Derry’ sign.”“Promise.” Eddie promised.“Don’t forget. I never will.” Richie sniffled. “I won’t leave Derry without you, Eddie.”“OK.”
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	1. Prologue

**Summer of 8th grade.**

The rocks beneath Richie’s feet were hot from the cozy summer heat, burning his toes and making him excited to jump into the cool water of the quarry. It was July 10th, leftover firework scrap piles were placed next to their clothes. And quiet chatter between two of his friends had created a good background noise for him. Only him, Bev, Ben, and Eddie were there that day, as Stan and Mike had already established plans, and Bill was babysitting his little brother. Richie originally only invited Eddie, but since he asked if any of the other Loser’s were going, he felt like he had to invite some others. It didn’t make him upset, he just wished he could have some alone time with him, and enjoy the last bit of summer he had with the Loser’s before he was sent off to see his Uncle for the rest of it. 

He finally built up enough courage in his gut to make the jump, he flew off into the air, and made a loud splash into the cool water. Eddie, was looking down on him, his eyebrows knitted together, and his cheeks puffed out. He had also taken off his clothes, as somehow Richie convinced Eddie to join him, saying if he doesn’t he’ll end up “watching Ben and Beverly roll around in the grass sucking face.” As that sentence finally got him out of his shorts and polo. 

“C’mon spaghetti! The water feels great! Maybe I should invite your mom here next time.” Eddie scrunched up his nose and stuck out his tongue.

“Don’t call me that! I’m only doing this because I don’t wanna watch Ben choke on Bev’s tongue.” He took a deep breath, shaking his arms to rub off nerves. He finally pinched his nose, and plunged into the water, Richie could feel his stomach burn, waiting for him to resurface, and hoping his best friend didn’t drown. But that feeling wasn’t soothed, as he didn’t pop his head out of the water, but he could feel a looming presence behind him, and then- “BOO! HAHA! Gotcha trashmouth! Did I scare you?” Eddie looped his arms around Richie’s neck and wrapped himself around Richie’s torso. 

“You could never scare me, Eds. You’re too cute, you’re even cuter right now, clinging onto me like a koala. How bold of you.” He winked, Eddie shoved himself off of Richie and groaned.

“Not my name, trashmouth.”

“That’s not my name either, but I let you call me that, it’s only fair-” He was cut off by a wave of water clashing with his eyes. He made eye contact with Eddie, watching a grin of satisfaction form on his cheeks. Only to be interrupted by another splash, coming from Richie. “You have made a big mistake, Eddio spaghettio.” The two splash and dunk each other while Ben and Bev stare from the edge of the rocks, giggling. And neither of the boys notice.

The tree by Eddie’s window had always been a staircase to what he wished could be home, with Eddie. It would certainly be home without Sonia Kaspbrack around. He knew of Mrs. K’s smothering, and god did he hate her for it. No matter how hard he convinced himself, he could never see Mrs. K as a good parental figure for Eddie, no one was good enough for him. Eddie had always been so isolated because of his mother, and Richie wished he could one day, get Eddie to sneak into his bedroom window, and let that boy have a breath of fresh, rebellious air. Richie wanted Eddie to be able to get out of that god awful house so bad, he wanted to leave Derry with him, go and live in Portland. Become roommates and own a little Pomeranian named Georgia. He’d thought out this scenario many times before, always on the midnight walk to Eddie’s room, just a block away. 

He found himself again knocking on his window, peaking in, Eddie’s reading a comic, and wearing a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. It was July 24th. Eddie flinched at the sudden noise, and carefully placed his comic on the end table along with his inhaler and pills.

“Howdy Eds, mind letting me in? I’m freezing my balls off.” He could hear Eddie sigh through the glass as he unlocked and opened the window.

“You’re use of words could’ve been a lot nicer y’know, since I’m risking my entire life sneaking you up here every night. Like maybe ‘Thanks Eddie, I appreciate the effort and time you spend accommodating for me and I love hanging out with you.’” Richie snickered, and pulled him into a hug. 

“I actually do love hanging out with you, my sweet spaghetti. You should know this by now!” He said as he pinched Eddie’s cheeks, “You’re too cute to handle, you might be not as hot as Mrs. K, but you’ve got the cute genes.” Eddie pushed him away and let out a huff as he sat back on his bed. Richie sat next to him and rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Richie felt the silence grow and fill the entire room, crickets could be heard outside, and the glow stars on Eddie’s ceiling were so bright, it kinda hurt Richie’s eyes. He could hear Eddie’s breathing, he always breathed quickly, like no matter what was happening it made him anxious. Richie wished he could make it all better, he wished he could make Mrs. K disappear and give Eddie good parents, one’s that loved him but not so much it was suffocating. He wished he meant something to Eddie, he wished he could fix all of it. 

“Rich? You OK? I am enjoying you being quiet but-” Eddie asked, he must’ve heard Richie sniffle. He felt like he was gonna cry.

“I wish we could run away.” He said almost reaching for Eddie’s hand.  _ Don’t touch other boys, Richie. _ He squeezed Eddie’s wrist instead.

“...Why?” Eddie linked their hands together. His hands were so small compared to Richie’s.

“To get you away from your mom. And to get away from my dad. Would you do that with me?” Richie’s palms were sweaty, the conversation and contact made him nervous. His voice cracked mid sentence from forcing himself to not cry.

“I don’t know. That’s a hard thing to think about, Richie. And neither of us can drive, and we’re like 13-”

“Would you run away with me when we turn 18? I’ll learn to drive, we can leave this shithole town, maybe the rest of the losers would follow. We can go to Portland and then we can live together.” A pregnant pause, the anticipation made him shaky.

“Yeah. I can do that.” Eddie looked to Richie, his eyes were almost cartoony as they were big and round. The brown had green freckles from the stars above his bed.

“I’m being serious, Eds.” Richie said, his eyes were glassy, and he could feel a tear threaten to fall. 

“I know dumbass, I wouldn’t say I would run away with you as a joke.” His eyebrows knit again, but this time with concern.

“Pinkie promise? On your eighteenth birthday, we get out. Fuck Derry. Graffiti the ‘leaving Derry’ sign.” The tear fell, and another, and another. They were hot against his skin.

“Promise.” Eddie promised as he held Richie’s cheek and wiped away the burning tears that seared his skin. His brown eyes were so warm and full of love, Richie only ever felt real care when those eyes were on him. And those eyes were crying too.

“Don’t forget. I never will.” Richie sniffled, leaning into Eddie’s touch. “I won’t leave Derry without you, Eddie.” Richie pressed Eddie against his chest, the two hugged like this was the last time they would ever see each other- like if they let go they’d stop breathing. 

“OK.” 

  
  


It was July 30th, Richie was in the Loser’s hideout, waiting for all of them to show. Only Eddie and Stan arrived on time, they all biked there together since they lived in a two block radius of each other. It was Richie’s full day in Derry before he went to stay with his uncle for a whole month. He hated it, being taken away from his friends- or honestly family at this point. His blood relatives meant nothing to him, his parents never even put into consideration how Richie fit into their lives, leaving him basically on his own. And they always left for a vacation in August, sending Richie to his uncle’s until school started. 

He wished he was 18 already. So did Eddie, he thought, he knew Eddie finally figured out what his mom was doing to him, Richie taught him how to fake taking his pills, of course he knew. He was even there when he yelled at his mother for the first time, and something deep inside of Richie wanted to see it more. See Eddie rebel against authority, he wasn’t gonna lie- it made butterflies flutter in his gut when he blew up in his mom’s face. But he wouldn’t say anything, he couldn’t.

He liked boys, and Derry couldn’t know. He knew the loser’s would accept him, they’re his family, but he didn’t need another target on his back. And thinking your best friend is cute when he’s straight is a risk that didn’t seem worth taking.

“Rich, why don’t you ever obey the 10 minute rule? Get up!” Eddie said, as Richie swung on the hammock, they both knew they’d end up sharing anyway. Richie pretended like he didn’t hear him, and stuck his nose into the comic he was reading. Eddie sighed and scooted Richie over to make room for him. Eddie had his head rested on Richie’s shoulder, peaking at the comic he was reading.  _ Avengers. _ Eddie personally didn’t see the appeal, but anything Richie liked was something he would love hearing about. Eddie loved when Richie would talk about things he loved, it’s like his love for it took over his entire body and he couldn’t get enough of it. Richie’s passionate moments were Eddie’s favorite, and sharing the hammock. Richie put the comic down on the floor, slinking his arm behind Eddie’s head. Richie sighed, he was truly exhausted, he hadn’t seen Stan or the rest of the gang (minus Eddie) for a while. He glanced over to Stan, who was organizing things around the club house, most of it was his own bird books. He hadn’t seen Stan for a while, he hoped he was OK, he notices small little scars on his left arm but just hoped it was from his own adventures and people like Bowers’. 

He could hear Eddie breathe on his collarbone, his cheek was squished on his chest. Richie’s entire face went red, he hoped he could make the excuse that it was just really hot, and not the fact his insanely cute best friend was snuggled against him, half asleep. Eddie mumbled something about Richie being comfortable, and sighed.  _ Fuck, literally what the fuck. My bestest cutest friend on the planet is laying on me, what the hell. _ Richie squeezed Eddie’s shoulder and rested his chin in his hair. 

Eddie had always went on about how Richie had a body like a pillow, and that was the only reason he was so affectionate to him out of everyone in the group. Nobody cared really, but he always said it remind the rest that he totally didn’t see Richie in a romantic way and he just found Richie to have the most comfortable shoulders to lean on. And lanky arms to hug, and chest to rest on. He could only be described by Eddie as a life-size human teddy bear. But everyone else finds him bony and too lanky. He loved it though, he loved his thick rimmed glasses, and his bright and annoying hawaiian shirts. He loved the messy mop of black hair on his head and the way it always clashes with the rest of him. Him being pale and freckly, and his clothes standing out in a crowd of many. 

Richie sees him the same, absolutely cuddly. He also had soft skin, soft hair, soft clothes, it was all soft and warm and welcoming. Every angle on Eddie’s face looked like it was drawn in soft pastels and warm colors. His tan skin and pink polos always blended in with the summer and spring seasons along with his big brown eyes. And his  _ hair _ was something else entirely- brown, soft, and always styled with his mom’s hairspray. He always smelled clean, but not like hospital chemical clean, like flowery and warm. Even with Eddie’s insanely fast speech and anxiety filled body, he always moved so gracefully and with purpose. That purpose being taking care of others, sick or hurt. Even though he complained throughout all of it you could tell he cared, through the gentle placement of bandaids and delicate use of alcohol wipes. 

Bev came barking with laughter down the ladder, catching the two of the three boys' attention.

“God, you guys should see the other three. I dared them to race me down here and they’re all still catchin’ up!” She snorted. Beverly always had the best laugh out of all of them, it being shamelessly loud and sweet. When Richie noticed that Eddie hadn’t moved at the commotion, he knew he was fast asleep.

“Hey Bev? Could ya keep it down? Eds fell asleep.” Stan and Bev gave a knowing look at each other.

“Since when did you care about waking up a loser, Richie?” Stan sneered at him, Richie glared back at him. 

“I swear to god, if either of you wake him up I’ll kill you. Actually, he’ll probably kill you first. You remember when Bill tried to wake him up at that sleepover in June, don’t you?” He stated. Eddie was like a demon when woken up early on the weekends, that’s one thing Richie and Eddie had in common, they both had trouble waking up early. Which is why at sleepovers they’ll sleep until noon. And everyone knows not to bother them, when Bill had woken up Eddie he threw a pillow at him and yelled at him to get out. And Richie had been woken up by the yelling, and after Bill closed the door, Eddie had moved to cuddle with Richie to calm himself down. Nobody knows that part of the story except the two of them. 

“Fuck you’re right.” Bev said and peeked over the edge of the ladder but was immediately met with the rest of the boys who were climbing down, all arguing and spitting insults at each other. 

“AHA! I- I win!” Bill yelled as soon as he reached the bottom.

“That is seriously unfair! And technically, Bev won. You buffoon.” Ben shouted back. Bev tapped their shoulders, pointing at Eddie on the hammock, who was officially wide awake and  _ pissed _ . He gripped Richie’s shirt with all of the strength his body held, and he looked on the verge of snapping. Everyone froze in fear, and when Mike finally got down the ladder, he smiled at Eddie and nodded to him, with Eddie smiling back. But as soon as he looked to the rest, he glared again. With the whole gang confused, he pulled Richie out of the hammock and forced him to follow outside of the club house, closing the hatch behind them. As soon as Richie looked at Eddie’s face, he could see tears fall and reach his chin.

“Hey- Eddie, c’mere, let’s sit, yeah?” Eddie nodded and followed Richie to a nearby tree and sat next to him, his face covered by his hands. “Let’s move those hands? Don’t wanna get sticky tear fingers. You need to breathe.” Richie knew exactly how to calm Eddie down when he was having an anxiety attack. Richie hadn’t noticed that Eddie most definitely had anxiety until about a year ago when he looked it up online and found he had similar experiences. These anxiety attacks were mistaken by asthma attacks by Eddie’s mother when he was quite young, but it was just that he was scared. As soon as Sonia found out that he might have asthma was when she became the way she was, shoving sugar pills down her son’s throat to comfort him, rather than loving him. 

“Rich,” Eddie hiccuped. “I’m, so, fucking sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I- just couldn’t handle, the uh, noise. They were so LOUD! And it was too much, and then as soon as I woke up they went dead quiet! Like I was a freak! They were so loud, like my mom, and it was so scary. I don’t get it at all Rich!” Globby tears ran down his face, he couldn’t wipe all of them away with his own hands. The frustration only made him more agitated and he switched to holding Richie’s sleeves. “I’m so fucking pathetic.”

“Hey, hey, hey. You aren’t, alright? Look I may joke about how small you are all the time, but you’ve got a lot of will in there for someone your size. And god you make crying cute, you know that? You are very brave,” He said, reaching out to hold his cheek, but he hesitated.  _ Don’t touch other boys.  _ “And all you have to worry about right now, is breathing. C’mon, breathe with me. Breathe in- one, two, three, four. Breathe out- one, two, three, four.” They kept at that pace for a few minutes, Eddie resting his head on Richie’s lap, and Richie stroking through Eddie’s hair. The buzz of the summer air grounded Eddie, finally breathing at a steady pace, left over tears still dripped from his eyes. 

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Richie.” 

“And you haven’t missed me all those other summers?” 

“I- Of course I have. It’s just hit me more this time…”

“I’ll miss you too, Spaghetti. I won’t be gone long though! Just a month, and then I can go back to annoying you during English.” Richie grinned.

“Wow, I’m sooooo excited,” Eddie smiled too. “Not gonna lie, I actually am. Gonna be a freshman in high school!”

“I am too.” 


	2. Freshman Year

**Freshman Year - September **

For the first time ever, Eddie was actually excited for school to start. It was an entirely new world to him, new people, new teachers, new classes, but the same group of friends, all that loved each other. And Mike is going to school with them, so they’ll all finally be together. 

He was mainly excited to see Richie though. He always showed up on the first day of school in the same opened button up and shoes, saying they were lucky. Eddie found it charming. But he’d never tell him that. He was able to text Richie through Stan’s phone over the summer, since his mom wouldn’t allow him to text friends with his own, so they talked a little bit. But god did he feel  _ lonely _ , he missed him knocking on his window, he missed hearing him count from one to four to help him breathe, he missed falling asleep on his shoulder and sharing small conversations at 1 am. And without Richie around, the loser’s were a little less lively. Another bad thing about not seeing Richie during August was he couldn’t find out what classes they shared, but if it was like 8th grade, they’d have the same schedule. 

Eddie’s first period on an A day was Modern World History, which he didn’t mind. If he was having trouble he could always ask Mike to study with him. As he walked down the hall, it was inevitable that he were to bump into people, it was packed to the brim in students, but no one cared. In middle school he was used to dodging people in the halls, but here it was all just ‘excuse me.’ Nobody cared Eddie was there, no one wanted to care, they were all in their own bubbles. 

As soon as he stepped into the classroom he scanned it to see if Richie had for _ once _ , shown up early, and actually, he did! As soon as they noticed each other Richie ran over and pulled him into a long, enveloping hug, Eddie stumbled a little bit from the sudden contact, and turned pink from what the other students might think of them. With one glance around the room, he could tell they were too caught up in introductions to worry about the two. So Eddie hugged back, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Aw, my Eddie spaghetti missed me. I missed you too.”

“Who said I missed you?”

“I just assumed, but also Stan said you did.”

“That little prick.” The two laughed in each other’s shoulders, Eddie nuzzled his face further into Richie’s shoulder. “I did miss you, but if you tell anyone, I have every right to kill you.”

“Eds, even if you did have the opportunity to kill me, we both know you wouldn’t.” Eddie could feel Richie smile. “Plus your mom would be real sad if her own, darling son killed her lover. Oh the sorrow!” Richie picked Eddie up and spun him around, Eddie letting out an unwanted laugh. As soon as he was put down he tried to hide his excitement.

“Don’t call me Eds. And I thought when high school hit, you’d come up with better jokes.” Eddie grinned.

“Oh please, I’m comedy gold.” Richie said with prowess.

“More like comedy bronze.”

“Fuck you too, Kaspbrak!” They snickered, Richie held Eddie’s shoulder and pulled him over to the two desks that Richie had scooted together so the two could talk during class. Or rather so Richie could bug Eddie while he tried to take notes. It was the balance they’ve had their entire lives, and while Eddie acted like he absolutely despised it, he liked having someone there to offset the tension in the classroom. Surprisingly, none of the other loser’s had the same history period as the two, so it was just  _ RichieandEddie _ . 

Eddie sat down and started to pull out his supplies,  _ multicolor pens, highlighters, history notebook, history folder, sticky notes _ . Eddie had the nicest notes Richie had ever seen, and nicest handwriting, Richie could watch him write for hours just because of how interesting his process was. One time when Richie came over for the night, Eddie had told him his entire thought process for taking notes. Sticky notes for due dates, folder for homework and readings, notebook for notes, pens and highlighters for taking notes. Then he went on about how he organized it but that was an entirely different conversation. Richie found how Eddie thought things through insanely intriguing, and he can barely handle listen to Stan and his birds, but with Eddie, he could listen forever. 

“Rich, you gotta sit. Class is gonna start.” A smile tugged on Eddie’s face, which made Richie go pink and quietly seat himself. As class began, he couldn’t stop bouncing his leg, and glancing over at Eddie wasn’t helping. He was doing his focused face, his nose scrunches slightly and his eyes crinkle. He also would bite his lip if he was really in a trance, Richie couldn’t understand how anyone had that much focus on something so incredibly  _ boring _ . Even with just a quick read over of the syllabus he already knew he wasn’t gonna do well in this class, no matter how many times he read over the words the information couldn’t soak into his brain. So rather than forcing himself to read this dumb, stupidly long syllabus, he grabbed a pencil and piece of paper from his backpack and wrote Eddie a note.

_ “How on earth can u pay attention right now?? This history stuff is lameeeeee.”  _ He pushed the note next to Eddie’s syllabus, Eddie tried to look at it without seeming like he wasn’t paying attention. Eddie rolled his eyes and wrote back:

_ “It is boring, but we both need the credit. Focus, dumbass.”  _ Richie groaned and scribbled another sentence in his god awful handwriting.

_ “Only if u study with me, Spaghetti. ;)”  _

_ “Fine.” _

  
  
  


As soon as their physics class was over, Richie had slinked an arm around Eddie leading him outside to the bleachers. Apparently Bill had decided that it was their new lunch spot for the rest of high school, and no one minded. As soon as the doors were open the summer heat slapped Eddie right across his face and made him disgustingly sweaty. All he could think about was the deep desire to shower and not be slick in sweat.  _ I need to shower, I must smell fucking disgusting. Everyone is probably thinking I’m gross and stinky and they all won’t say anything because they’ll feel bad. Fuck. _ As if Richie read his mind, he moved his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck and took a whiff. His lips a breath away from kissing his neck. 

“You don’t smell bad, nothing to worry about.” He grinned. Eddie had told him his fear of smelling bad and being sweaty. He hated the feeling of sweat, he hated the smell, and he was so scared he smelled bad every second of every day it was insanely unreasonable. Richie always knew how to reassure Eddie of his overwhelming anxieties, he was like an anchor. “You smell how you usually do.”

“And what is that, Richie?” Eddie asked, hoping to fluster him but  _ no _ . Richie fucking Tozier never stutters to anything.

“Flowers, and warm laundry.” Richie said with no hesitation, like he had thought of what Eddie smelled like before. His entire face went raspberry red at the thought.  _ Richie thinks I smell nice.  _ Eddie tried to hide the little smile that was pulling on his cheeks. 

“Richie! Eddie! Over here you two!” Mike called, the loser’s were all in a circle, everyone grinning and laughing. It would’ve been a beautiful photo, all of Eddie’s best friends sharing the sweet summer vibe and collecting blades of grass to throw at each other. Eddie wished he brought his phone with him today to take a picture. When he looked over to Richie, he already had his phone out and Eddie caught him mid click.

“Got a picture, huh?” 

“Look it’s our first day of high school, don’t judge me.” Richie deflected, he acted like he was scared to show he loved his friends.

“I’m not, I wish I brought my phone to take one too.” Eddie smiled and rested a hand on Richie’s shoulder, unconsciously rubbing circles with his thumb.

“Wouldn’t your mom kill you for having anything other than her number on your phone?”  
“I’d risk the trouble to have a nice picture of all of them.”

“Aww, my lil Eds is growing up so fast, already wanting to rebel against authority.” Richie ruffles his hair.

“You were there when I did rebel, dumbass. It wasn’t pretty, but I’d do it again for you-” He cuts himself off. “For, uh, everyone.” Eddie’s cheeks turned pink, but he didn’t notice Richie’s change too. Eddie threaded their fingers together and tugged him over to the rest of the group. Eddie liked the way their skin contrasted, Eddie almost never sunburned and always had a lovely tan. And Richie sunburnt insanely easily and stayed inside most summers and was always so pale, but when he did go out in the sun, he got gorgeous freckles spread on every part of his body. That only happened if Eddie convinced him to put on sunscreen, which he did every time Eddie was around since he didn’t want to worry the other boy. 

“Finally decided to show up, Tozier?” Stan snarked.

“Of course, couldn’t leave my little Spaghetti for  _ too _ long. You know how he gets.” He winked to Stan, who scoffed. “Remember Eds when I was gone that entire summer in 7th grade? Apparently you went crazy without me. Stan gave me the deats.” 

“Stan! Why would you tell him that!?”

“It was really funny! When I slept over that one time you were hugging your pillow and you kept saying  _ “I missed you ‘Chee, your hugs were always my favorite.” _ ” Everyone laughed, even Eddie laughed a little, mainly because that summer was maybe the worst summer he’s ever had. “I mean, even when Richie is gone for a month your still kinda like that- every second you’re talking about something Richie did and you told me-”

“I’M STOPPING YOU RIGHT THERE! That’s between us.” Eddie shut down that topic quickly, and he was glad no one batted an eye and just went back to what they were doing before. Ben had his head rested in Bev’s lap while she put little daisies in his hair, she told him he reminded her of one. Anyone could tell they were head over heels for each other, the guy always had a spare lighter for her when she smoked. Just then, he lit Bev’s cigarette for her, a small smile forming on her face. They hadn’t announced anything yet, but everyone could tell. Bev started smoking in June, she would steal packs from her dad’s stash, and luckily, he hadn’t noticed yet. Ben would love her no matter what she did to him, and good thing she never did anything bad to him. The two always had a different bond than the rest, like they were in their own little world sometimes. Eddie felt that with Richie most of the time. And he noticed Stan, Bill, and Mike were like that too. Maybe it was just a couple’s thing. Eddie could tell something was blooming between Stan, Bill, and Mike. They hung out most days, and they always leaned on each other, or combed through each other’s hair. It was sweet, he only knew that Stan had feelings for the two of them, but Eddie had no clue about Mike or Bill.

He really hoped the three worked out. 

Back to that thought earlier, about the couple’s bond thing, Eddie regretted the thought as soon as it popped up in his head. Him and Richie could never, right? Richie was probably straight, but he never said he strictly was. Plus Richie was  _ insanely _ out of his league, like he couldn’t compare to Richie Tozier, and he deserved someone better than himself. He wished that those occasional cheek kisses were more than just a joke, or that holding hands gave Richie an unsteady heartbeat. Eddie didn’t understand why. Why, out of all the people on the planet, did he want to feel that sort of love from exclusively him? 

He didn’t want to think about it anymore, so he just leaned into Richie and let his arm around his shoulder shield him from all the thinking.

Stan was resting his head on Mike’s shoulder while Bill held his hand, they were being extra soft today. Mostly talking in whispers while Bill ate some fruit from his lunch, letting the other two steal some. Eddie spaced out, trying to not accidentally stare at one of the losers. The only thing he could focus on was Richie’s comforting hand holding his shoulder. 

“Hey Eds? You still with me?” The comforting hand shook him.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Just spaced out a bit.” He leaned into Richie, he was exhausted.

“Wanna walk for a minute? My legs are killing me, and you seem like you need a break.” He said, rubbing the fabric on Eddie’s shirt between his thumb and index finger. Eddie nodded in response. “‘Kay Losers, me and Eds are gonna take a walk. See ya after lunch.” Richie picked up Eddie and threw him over his shoulder. 

“Richie! I can walk, you know!”

“Yeah but you’re just a little bundle of joy! So cute and small, I could carry you everywhere if you let me!” Eddie thrashed in his arms, as much as he enjoyed the affection, Richie didn’t pick him up like this in front of the losers before today. Like it was a secret only the two shared. 

“Don’t spend too much time snogging, Richie. You’ll miss out on Eddie in red short shorts!” Stan called, everyone laughed.

“Stan! You dick!” Eddie flipped him off before turning behind a crowd of trees on the edge of the field. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Stanley.”

It was time for P.E. The class Richie dreaded the most, mainly because of Eddie. He personally hated the awkward shorts and grey tee, but he hated the fact that Eddie pulled it off seamlessly, like his legs were made to be shown off. And he was completely unaware of Richie’s drooling, most gym classes Richie’s eyes followed Eddie everywhere. It was so bad that his teams in dodge ball lost almost every time, you can guess why. Richie hadn’t realized this, but midway through 8th grade, he had an insane hit of hormones, and that gave him the awkward teenage boner almost everyday because of said shorts. And Eddie. All Eddie, it was his fault. Richie had become insanely horny, and gay, and that led to even more unbearable jokes, all of which made Eddie uncomfortable. 

Eddie never really had a hit of hormones, it was gradual, nothing just hit him. It just kinda happened when it did, and Eddie ignored it, every time. Which made him extremely sexually repressed, every joke Richie made about his dick made Eddie squirm with discomfort. And the your mom jokes didn’t help, he didn’t want to think about that! He knew Richie was joking, but even putting the thought in his head made him grossed out. 

But the two did like seeing each other in those gym shorts. 

“Richie! Watch out!” Eddie called, they were on the same dodge ball team against Mike and Stan, Stan wasn’t exactly athletic, but he knew how to throw a ball. And Mike already had more muscles than all of the losers, and combined with the fact that Richie was ogling Eddie, they weren’t gonna win. The ball hit Richie on the cheek with a loud  _ smack _ , it filled the entire gym.

“Fucking hell!” Richie said, he fell right on his ass and had his hand on his cheek. 

“OK, foul play, keep playing and I’ll get him an ice pack. Josh you’re back in.” The coach yelled, some kid who had been out replaced Richie while Eddie followed, saying he needed a break for his “asthma.” The gym teacher came over and handed Richie the ice pack. 

“Hey Rich, you OK?” Eddie asked, he situated himself next to Richie, their knees touching.

“It’s fine…” He mumbled, he kept shuffling which moved the ice pack and hurt his cheek more. 

“Well obviously it’s not,” Eddie sighed, Richie flinched at the surge of pain on his cheekbone. “Ugh geez, just let me hold it for you.” Eddie held Richie’s chin and turned his face towards him, he snatched the pack and held it up to Richie’s cheek. He was being incredibly gentle, like he always was. His thumb traced under Richie’s eye, while he made deep and unrelenting eye contact. His eyes looked so full of worry and concern, but also a small tinge of anger at whoever hurt him. The light touch of Eddie’s thumb drove Richie a little crazy, it felt electric. He wished the ice pack wasn’t there, and it was just Eddie holding his face, and that they were in Richie’s room. He flipped himself out of the fantasy, he subconsciously leaned into the ice pack. For once, he noticed Eddie’s cheeks go pink. Just before Richie was gonna say anything, the coach came back.

“Kaspbrak, break time over. Either you keep playing dodge ball or you try out tennis.” Eddie sighed, like he didn’t want to leave. But of course he did, but before he did he hugged Richie, telling him not to miss him too much.

The rest of the day went by quickly, Art ending in Richie’s arms covered in paint, and all the loser’s going to the quarry. It had become a tradition, after the first day of school, they would all spend the last pinches of summer there. It wasn’t any different than how it normally was, Bev jumped in first, Eddie insisted everyone put on sunscreen, and Richie held Eddie’s hand when they jumped off together- Well, that was new. Eddie didn’t know if he was overthinking it, they held hands many times and none of those times felt different. But something about holding Richie’s hand with the sun basking on his skin, and watching Richie as they jumped off the edge, made something burst in Eddie’s chest. He had felt this before with Richie, but that moment felt insanely special.

But he didn’t want to think about it, he just wanted to sleep.

It was 12 AM, the first day of school had taken all the energy he had in him, but it seemed it has come back at full force, when Eddie needed to go to bed. This happened almost every night now, Eddie couldn’t catch a wink of sleep without Richie next to him, and he didn’t know if Richie would show up that night, since maybe, even though they did this every night, he didn’t want to see Eddie. Maybe he finally realized how clingy and annoying he was and didn’t want to see him anymore. Or he’ll break their promise, to leave Derry when they turn 18. The anxiety flooded his brain, he could tell he would cry if Richie didn’t show up soon.

“Knock knock, dickhead.” Richie said, knocking the glass window.

“Nice to see you too, Rich.” Eddie opened the window to let him slip inside, being careful not to make too much noise. Richie had situated himself on his bed, he stretched out his arms and fell backwards, a loud sigh came from him. “Shh, my mom is asleep.” Eddie whisper yelled. “I have to remind you every time!” 

“Ack, whatever, come keep me warm, Eds.” Richie said with his arms out and a grin plastered on his face. Eddie’s face flushed at the words. He hesitated but curled himself up next to Richie, his arms wrapped around him. “You’re like a fucking heater, it’s insane.”

“Well you’re like an ice cube. Whenever I hug you, I realize how hot it is.”

“Yeah, I have that effect on people.” Eddie scoffed at the joke, but continued to nuzzle his face in Richie’s shoulder. His own hands had been playing with the hem of Richie’s shirt, it’s like he never wore pajamas. Richie was most of the time in the same clothes he was wearing at school when he went to Eddie’s. He used to borrow his clothes all the time, but when he got that height spike he started bringing a fresh load of clothes in his backpack when they woke up in the morning. Eddie kinda liked seeing Richie in his clothes, he looked nice in pink, even though it was Richie’s least favorite color. 

He also kinda missed being younger, when he didn’t know his mom had been faking his ailments. He knew it was bad, like that is an absolutely horrible thing to do to your own child, but it was just all so  _ simple _ . He didn’t question anything, since there wasn’t anything to question about, because it felt real then. He found out through some new girl at the pharmacy, he was there to grab a prescription and she assumed he was getting it for himself as a form of comfort.  _ “They’re placebos, they’re bullshit.” _ He was with Richie, too. He could feel his entire world collapse right in front of him, all of these years it had been fake. It was his own mother’s coping mechanism to deal with her husband’s death and he found it pathetic. She made him down all of that stuff to keep him under control, to isolate him, so he couldn’t disappear like his dad. She forced all of this onto him, because she refused to move on. 

He told the girl he didn’t want to update the prescription anymore, and that he’ll take her advice. That advice being yelling at his mother and never regretting it ever again. On the walk back, Richie stayed with him, being there as an open ear for him to vent into. After 10 minutes of continuous ranting and aggressive hand holding, he dragged Richie into the house with him, not wanting to go in alone. Eddie snapped as soon as his mother approached and said  _ Eddie-bear _ . 

_ “Why did you lie to me?! Just to make up for dad? That wasn’t even something you could’ve prevented! He had CANCER! And forcing me to sit in my room all day with the smell of bleach itching my skin isn’t gonna protect me! Being there for me will! You’re form of comfort is just shoving pills down my throat and calling me stupid names and crying to make me feel useless to you, to make me STAY! I’m done. They’re… GAZEBOS. They’re bullshit! Fuck this.”  _

And before his mother could respond, he gripped Richie’s hand and stormed up to his room. The second the door closed behind them he fell into tears, his grip on Richie’s hand vanished as he curled into a ball on the floor and sobbed. Richie stayed with him the entire time, a comforting hand on his back and another combing through his hair. 

Eddie still cried when he thought about it. He remembered it wasn’t 7th grade anymore, it was freshman year, and he was rested next to Richie with those same hands comforting him. But the tears flowed anyway. He sunk his face in Richie’s chest, hot tears scolded the shirt he was wearing. He wanted to be 18.

“Thinking about 7th grade again?” Richie asked, his hand moved up into Eddie’s hair.

“Yeah… I’m sorry you were there for that.”

“Don’t be. If I’m being honest, that was probably the coolest thing you’ve done in front of me.” Eddie let out a small breathy laugh.

“I guess.” Eddie sniffled. “I just fucking wish she would get it through her thick skull that I’m not my dad. I just wish we were 18.”

“I wish too Eds. Only four more years.”

“Four more years.”

  
  


**Freshman Year - December**

It was December 20th and also winter break. All of the loser’s were filled to the brim with joy. The first few months of high school had been tough academically, but bullies had seemed to vanish with age. They sat at the same spot everyday for lunch, Eddie and Richie shared every class together, and all of the loser’s felt at their peak. 

They were all at Bill’s for a friendmas, a tradition that he had started 8th grade. They’d all open presents together, and be the family that they were. Stan showed up too, Bill wanted to change the name for his sake but Stan insisted it was fine. 

Richie and Eddie were sharing the recliner, Eddie had his legs across Richie’s lap and had his head rested on his chest. Richie could feel every movement that comes from Eddie and was jittery from trying to stay still, he even took longer breathes. The lights from Bill’s Christmas tree highlighted Eddie’s cheekbone and the bridge of his nose, it made his normally soft features sharper. Richie let himself snake his arm around Eddie’s waist and rested his cheek into Eddie’s hair, hopefully that was enough movement to keep his body from twitching. Him and Eddie had fought over the recliner about an hour ago and Stan shut down the argument down by forcing them to share, neither complained, since they both secretly wanted to share. But wanted to keep up the act that they weren’t hopelessly in love with the other. 

Richie wanted to drown in Eddie, every part of him. Richie felt most safe and calm with Eddie around, even when they argued, it was their routine. The arguments were never personal, just small, pointless things. Like loogies, and hammocks, and how to pronounce gif.  _ Richie says ‘jif’, it drives Eddie insane. _ But all of that doesn’t mean anything, for a while Ben thought Eddie and Richie genuinely hated each other, he cried because he didn’t want them to fight anymore.  _ Bless his heart _ , but Stan explained it’s always been this way, and that’s their dynamic, and they never mean it. They’ve been best friends since kindergarten, and nothing could break them apart. 

Richie was glad Stan made them share, he was so cozy and happy. Disgustingly happy, he had butterflies swirling in his stomach and that was shared with the other loser’s. Ben and Bev were discussing gifts that they think the rest got, Bill and Mike were in the Kitchen trying to make the best icing for the gingerbread men while Stan taste tested for them, the entire aura of the house was loving and welcoming. 

“O-OK y’all, while the c-cookies are in the oven let’s open g-gifts!” Bill announced, everyone gathered in a circle beside the tree, all the presents in the middle in a pile. Eddie and Richie sat next to each other, as that was also routine, and Richie could feel Eddie’s excitement. Eddie always got his best gifts from the other loser’s, since his mother has restricting rules around the things she’ll get him, that being clothes and books. His excitement filled Richie with confidence, his gift was gonna be the best and he knows it. Every loser got one box with all their gifts in it, since Stan didn’t want to waste wrapping paper and not make a mess. Stan had also decided that they decide who gets to open their gifts in alphabetical order. It would be Ben, Bev, Bill, Eddie, Mike, Richie, and finally Stan. No one bothered to question it, as it was his OCD.

“Ben! Grab your box.” Bev urged him with a little nudge. Ben picked up the box and looked over the wrapping paper, small snowmen danced on it. He finally opened the box and his entire face lit up with joy, the gang had got him a book on poetry, a bag of red balloons, some little flower stickers and Bev had bought him a small journal for his poetry and even wrote some herself in there for him. “No one can look but you! Tozier, if you dare pressure him to let you read it I won’t hesitate to slap you.” 

“Can do, Marsh.” Richie saluted.

“Thanks you guys! You’re gifts always make me happy.” Ben beamed, he was like the sun absorbed into a person. “Bevvy- Um, Bev, it’s your turn now!” A few of the others giggled at the nickname. Bill slid the box to her and grinned, she opened it and it was all just  _ fabric _ .

“All had the same idea, huh?” They all nodded, she finally noticed the small note tucked underneath a beautiful rose patterned cloth, the roses stems curled around each other and the rest was black with bits of glitter. “Awe Benny, this is so sweet.” Her voice went loving.

“I knew you didn’t like getting flowers as a gift, soooo I thought maybe getting it on a fabric would be a nice compromise.” He smiled. “But don’t read the note yet, I need to talk to you… later, about something.” While Bev agreed the rest fake gagged at each other from the cheesiness of the two. 

“OK lovebirds, take your eyes off each other for one minute while I open my gift, please?” Bill teased, Ben’s entire face went red. When Stan handed the box over to him he was brimming with excitement, it contained a couple of Stephen King books, both of which Bill hadn’t read yet. At the bottom underneath the hair gel Richie got him and with the candles Eddie placed, was a big fancy journal, with a calligraphy pen beside it. 

“You guys know me  _ too _ well, Stan, Mike, how the hell did you know I haven’t read  _ Carrie _ or  _ The Shining _ ?”

“We might have looked through your bookshelf one time when we slept over, we know how much you like to read so…” Mike said shyly, Stan couldn’t even hide the smile on his face.

“And Richie, what the fuck. I don’t even use hair gel.”

“You’re hair already is super greasy lookin’, may as well try to slick it back sometime.” Richie grinned, Bill rolled his eyes while Richie gave Eddie his gift. Mike, Bill, and Stan had bought him the entire Captain Marvel series, Bev got him red nail polish;

“I know your mom isn’t super keen on the nail polish thing, but I hope she gets used to it because I  _ love  _ painting your nails when you come over.” He continued to dig and found some face masks that Bev and Ben picked out together. But finally, a mixtape, and one of Richie’s giant t-shirts from him. Eddie couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as none of the other loser’s know that he’ll steal Richie’s clothes that he accidentally leaves at his house. 

“I know how much you like to steal my clothes, Eds. You think I haven’t noticed my shirts go missing?” Richie rested his arm on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Maybe if you didn’t leave them at my house, I wouldn’t take them.” Eddie said, feeling triumphant in his come back.

“I’m not complaining, you’re such a cutie in my clothes.” It happened again, his entire face went bright pink and his heartbeat was off the rails. The other loser’s snickered.

“Ahem, anyway, thank you for the gifts.” He said while he tried to hide his blush, he shoved Mike’s present to him, ready to get the eyes off of him. His had a huge book full of Derry legends, a nice pick on Stan’s part, a small portable tool set from Bill, a homemade picture frame of all the loser’s from Beverly and Ben. Richie got him two jacket patches, one of corn and the other of a pumpkin. 

“Why these?” Mike said hiding his laugh.

“They got your vibe, Homeschool.” Eddie got Mike fairy lights, for Richie’s same reason. 

“Thanks y’all for the gifts! Y’all are so kind!” Everyone can’t help but feel comforted by Mike’s words, he was maybe the kindest of the loser’s and got along with everyone he met. “C’mon Richie, open yours!” Mike smiled, Richie lunged for his gift and tore off the wrapping paper and was surprised by his first find, a bottle of lube.

“ You talk about all that play with Eddie’s mom, must spend a lot on it. I’m just helping.” Richie and Bill roared in laughter when Eddie jumped on Richie punched him, not hard, he isn’t actually mad. 

“I didn’t even make the joke! Not fair!” 

“You participated, and I wouldn’t dare lay a finger on Bill ever since he joined the soccer team.” Eddie grinned while pouncing on him just to get a few more punches in. Richie finally got Eddie off of him and found the cute polaroids of everyone Beverly took with her polaroid, Ben doodled on them, Stan got him a book called  _ A list of reasons you’re not funny _ , Richie got a laugh out of that one. Mike got him a fidget cube, and then he took out the blanket Eddie bought for him. 

“I know how much you love blankets, since whenever we have to share a bed you hog my comforter.” Eddie sneered.

“We don’t have to share, I can just share with your mom, Spaghetti.” That comment was again met with Eddie’s fist.

“Beep fucking beep, asshole!” Eddie smacked his shoulder. “Why can’t you just shut up? And DON’T call me that.” Richie pulled him into a suffocating hug and Eddie reluctantly accepted it. 

“You love it Eds, if you didn’t you would’ve killed me by now.” He pulled Eddie in for a sloppy cheek kiss, which made him squirm. 

“Ack! Whatever.” Eddie hoped he couldn’t see the red spread across his face.

“Alright, Stan the man! Your go, dude.” Richie said while releasing Eddie from his grasp, Bill scooted the gift over. Stan removed the tissue paper and got a book about bird watching from Bill, a pair of binoculars from Mike, a journal from Ben, polaroids of birds from Bev, and a binder from Richie and Eddie. Stan let out a quiet thank you and laid across Bill’s lap. They all go back to their small conversations, while Eddie and Richie go back to sharing the recliner. Eddie leaned into Richie’s chest, with an anxious breath that left his lungs. “You OK?” Richie asked, carding through Eddie’s hair.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He said, another shaky breath released.

“Eds, anytime you say ‘Don’t worry.’ There’s something worth being worried about, what’s up?” Richie stopped combing through Eddie’s hair to move a strand out of his eyes.

“Um, I feel a little bad about your gift.” Eddie was pulling his limbs into his chest, like an anxiety magnet.

“What? Why? I literally love it, you weren’t wrong about me loving blankets.” 

“I don’t know! You always get me something really personal, and I never do! Like you don’t even write a card and it feels like… so emotional? Whatever I just, whatever.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand to pull it away from himself.

“Eddie, platonic love of my life, cutie patootie, Eddie Spaghetti, I love every gift you have gotten me in the time I’ve known you. You seriously have  _ zero _ reason to worry about it.” Richie held Eddie’s hand and rested his own on Eddie’s knee. “But I wouldn’t be opposed to a card Eds, would like to know what you think of me.” Eddie’s cheeks flushed pink again.

“Are y'all lovebirds listening? Me, Ben, and Mike are gonna head out to grab pizza, you coming or nah?” Bev interrupts, Eddie perked up, and he raised his hand. 

“I’ll go!” Before he got up from the recliner, he hugged Richie and whispered in his ear; “I’ll think about the card.” Eddie pulled away and winked before following the other three out the door. Richie’s entire face turned bright red as soon as those words settled in his brain.  _ Eddie is gonna write me a card?!  _ Richie snapped out of it and realized that only him, Stan, and Bill were there now. Stan was sitting on the counter, while Bill broke a piece off one of the cookies and fed it to him.  _ Who is Bev calling ‘lovebirds’? Her and Ben are way worse than me and Eddie, plus Stan, Mike, and Bill have been all cuddly since school started! Ugh.  _ Richie sat up and headed towards the kitchen. 

“Sup lovebirds, what’re you two doing?” Richie opened one of the cupboards and grabbed a glass.

“None of your business. What’s with the heart eyes at Eddie, by the way?” Bill said while he dusted cookie crumbs off his hands.

“Yeah, you two have been real snuggly since school started.” A few crumbs fell from Stan’s mouth while he spoke.

“Says you! Quit avoiding my questions, you two and Mike have been the same.” Richie took the bottle of coke out the fridge and poured it into his glass. “Plus, me and Eddie have always been like that.” Stan and Bill gave a knowing look at each other before Stan snickered. “What?”

“Your denial of your  _ fat crush _ on him is extremely funny.” 

“It’s not funny because it’s not true! I could never see him like that. He’s just my best friend.” Richie took a long gulp of his soda before he set it down on the counter. 

“W-well, how about t-this… what would y-you do if you found out that E-e-Eddie had feelings f-for you?” Bill questioned, before he stole a sip from Richie’s coke. Richie’s guard immediately went up;  _ They can’t know, Richie. They’ll find out that you’re a  _ _ fag _ _ . Then tell all the loser’s, then it’ll spread across the entire school,  _ _ everyone _ _ will know. And EDDIE will HATE you. _

“I… I dunno. He’s straight though, he’d never like me like that. And I’M straight, did you forget that?” Richie swallowed the anxious lump in his throat, forcing himself not to cry. 

“Do you have a problem with gay people or something?” Stan’s eyebrows drew together in concern.

“NO!” Richie blurted out.

“Then a-answer the q-question!”

“I would probably cry!” Richie let out, “I would cry.” he pushed his glasses up in his hair and covered his eyes. “Because it isn’t possible, and someone as amazing and cute as him shouldn’t be with- with me. He deserves someone better.”

“Richie... are you-” Before Stan could finish his sentence the front door swung open and Bev wandered in with three pizza boxes balanced on her arms, and with Ben next to her with a couple of boxes full of garlic twists. While everyone else had been discussing how to set up the food, Eddie whisked Richie away to the back porch, holding Richie’s hand with so much worry Richie could feel it surge through him. Eddie sat him down on the porch swing and sat along with him, forcing Richie to rest his head on Eddie’s lap. Richie tried hard to hold back the tears, but his hands shook with anxiety. Eddie comforted him by twirling Richie’s hair in his fingers, and holding Richie’s hand in his. 

“Why were you freaking out in there?” Eddie asked, but the question followed in silence. He sighed and continued to play with Richie’s hair, letting the question simmer in Richie’s mind.

“It wasn’t anything.” He sat up from Eddie’s lap and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

“Rich, it was almost definitely  _ something _ . You never freak out like that-” Eddie said while he tried to reach for Richie’s cheek but it was slapped away.

“I’m not ready to talk about it! It’s fucking complicated! OK?” Before Richie could take in what he had done, Eddie was crying. “Shit, Eds, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to raise my voice like that I was just-” 

“Mad at me. You’re mad at me.” Eddie’s voice cracked. “Richie, I fucking get why it’s hard for you to open up and whatever, but I just wish you learned to trust me! I pour all feelings out to you, I  _ trust _ you, but you never show me that you trust me. It’s really hard to believe you care about me when you don’t tell me anything, and then yell at me!” Eddie’s words were shaken, and Richie’s gut twisted with anxiety. “I can’t believe that whatever the problem is, isn’t something you can even tell  _ me. _ I need a balance Rich, I need to know that you trust me just as much.”

“Eddie I trust you! I swear I do!”

“I’m going inside.” Then Eddie left, leaving Richie to grieve the mistake he made. 

The rest of the night was weird.

Richie barely ate anything, which was weird behavior coming from him. Him and Eddie didn’t sit next to each other during the movies, and didn’t sleep next to each other when the sleeping bags were set up.

The rest of the week was also weird, Richie hadn’t snuck into Eddie’s room and they didn’t hang out with the exception of the entire gang insisting upon seeing each other every two days. Every night took a toll on Eddie, his anxiety was destroying him from the inside out. 

Tonight was particularly difficult for Eddie, his mom had taken the mixtape Richie made for him (because it was “deadly for Eddie’s innocent ears”), which was one of the only things he had to hold onto since their fight. Eddie had worn the shirt he gave him to bed almost every night, and would softly play the mixtape to help him sleep. Eddie couldn’t deny how lonely he felt without seeing Richie everyday, sleeping was getting harder and harder with Richie’s absence.

Eddie was sobbing in his closet, he would go in there when he had to cry without Richie there to comfort him. He clung to the shirt desperately, and sobbed to hard he might wake up his mother. The wind blew through his room, he had been leaving it open in case Richie decided to come visit him again. Eddie was working on a card for him, even if they never make up, he tried to pour his energy into why he loved Richie rather than why Richie didn’t love him. His head hurt from all the tears that had been forced out of him. 

_ “Eds?”  _ Eddie jumped at the voice.  _ Am I fucking hearing voices now? Jesus Christ Eddie get a hold of yourself _ . Eddie held his breath in case there was an intruder, but he let one out, releasing another held back sob. Soon, a tall figure stood above him, peeking into the closet. The light switch for the closet was flipped, revealing the face he so desperately needed to see. “Eddie?” Those coke bottle eyes landed on Eddie’s, they were just as glassy as Eddie’s were. He crouched down to Eddie’s level, and pulled him in for a hug. “Eddie, Eds, I’m- I’m really fucking sorry.” Richie heaved and his nails dug into Eddie’s shoulders. “My secret… is really fucking scary. I’m really scared, it’s a lot to handle and I haven’t told a  _ soul _ . The entire world will judge me. I’m scared  _ you’ll _ judge me, think I’m gross and  _ infected _ -”

“‘Chee, I could never think of you like that. Well, I do, but-” Eddie held Richie closer, his hands rubbing Richie’s back. “Whatever it is, I highly doubt it’ll change my stance on you. Because you’re Richie Tozier, and you’ll always be him, and whatever this is won’t make him disappear.” Eddie pulled himself away and cradled Richie’s cheek.  _ “My Richie wouldn’t disappear like that.” _ Eddie uttered, hoping Richie didn’t hear. But he must have, since he swore he heard Richie’s heartbeat stop. The air around them became tense, the look in Richie’s eyes weren’t sad anymore, but something heavy was hidden in there somewhere. 

“Do you promise I’ll still be  _ Your Richie  _ if I tell you?” Richie held both of Eddie’s hands with a tight grip. Eddie squeezed them and nodded. Richie took a deep breath and said; “I’m gay.”

  
  


**Freshman Year - February**

Ever since Richie told Eddie his secret, things have felt different. Not in a way that made Eddie think Richie was different, but in a way that made him  _ see _ him differently. 

Now his eyes were a deeper blue, and they felt like they lingered on Eddie for longer than meant to. And his freckles were more prominent, and everyday Eddie would count new ones that formed from the occasional sun winter brung. Eddie noticed each new shirt he had gotten and memorized the patterns. The teasing felt more flirtatious, instead of jokes about his mother, they’d be about Eddie. Like saying his face was so soft that it felt like silk, and that his hair smelled like flowers. 

All of which Eddie  _ at first _ , considered to be actual flirting. But that theory was soon to be dumped in the garbage, since he would remember during the night Richie came out, he told Eddie he had a crush, that his crush was the one to make him realize he liked boys. He said he’d never tell anyone who it was, because it was;  _ “More of an indulgent fantasy than something that could really happen.” _ But he said the boy had eyes like milk chocolate, and sunkissed skin no matter what the weather. Eddie tried to figure it out, of course he did. But most boys that fit with that description were jocks, friends of Bill, who would rather be caught dead than holding another boys hand. And they didn’t seem to be Richie’s type, and he knew that his own eyes and skin were just like that, but Richie would  _ probably  _ tell Eddie if he liked him.  _ Probably.  _ He told him he was gay! He could easily say that he liked Eddie too.

Eddie didn’t know why he cared so much, but him not knowing who it is made him upset.  _ Very _ upset. He would ask Richie over and over and over again about who it was, but that was one of the only things that the Trashmouth would shut up about. None of the other loser’s knew Richie was gay, so he couldn’t get any dirt from them. Needless to say, it was driving him mad. And now he has a big, fat, juicy secret.

He wanted to be Richie’s crush. 

This need was incredibly stupid, Eddie knew. But he just didn’t like the idea of Richie being with someone else, since Richie wouldn’t give him affection anymore, and his eyes wouldn’t search his during those nights Eddie couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to be left behind, he wanted Richie to stay with him forever. Eddie knew it was selfish, he can’t keep Richie on hold, if Richie found someone who made him happy, Eddie wouldn’t get in the way of that. He just wished he could hold onto Richie for a little bit longer.

It was the 13th, the loser’s if they were single would have a singles day. All the single loser’s would have a sleepover and gorge on chocolate, while maybe crying. It depends. This year, Ben and Bev finally announced that they were dating so that left them out. The year before Bev had met some other 8th grader and was dating him and Bill dated Audra, and the year before  _ that _ Bev and Bill dated. But now Bev is with Ben, and they’re going out to the diner and the theatre. So it was all the boys minus Ben. They were all gathered at Mike’s farm, sitting in his room, and thinking of a plan for the night. Eddie hadn’t been paying attention, his mind being occupied by Richie  _ extremely _ cute heart patterned hawaiian shirt, and imagining who his crush actually was. Suddenly, two snapping fingers came into view. 

“Earth to Eddie? What do you feel like doing tonight? Mike said we could sit by the river bank and have a picnic or something, but that’ll be a long walk.” Stan asked, his arms crossed. Eddie rubbed his eyes and nodded. 

“That’s fine, I don’t really care.”

“You sure? We don’t want you to have like, an asthma attack on the way there.” Mike asked gently, his face reflecting worry.

“I’m sure he’ll be OK, Eds is tougher than he looks.” Richie said while wrapping his arm around Eddie’s shoulder. “And I’ll carry him if he gets tired.” He grinned. 

“You seriously need to stop calling me Eds.” Eddie huffed, but feeling a slight zolt to his heart from Richie’s hand holding his shoulder. 

“O-OK then! L-let’s head off. Mikey, d-do you h-have the backpack?” Bill said, he smiled when Mike nodded to him. 

The second they were halfway done with the “walk” Eddie knew he probably should’ve said no. This was more of a hike rather than a simple walk to a river. His legs felt like jello, and he kept tripping over rocks that were scattered across the path. He didn’t want to ask for Richie’s help though, since he didn’t want to feel weak. But the image of Richie carrying him bridal style swam in his head every so often, but being shoved away by an insistent voice saying he’ll be a sissy if he lets that happen. Eddie tried to observe the scenery instead of the nagging imagery in his head. It was almost spring, so all the trees had been regrowing their deep green leaves, and the ground was still moist from the recent patter of rain. The squish of the dirt beneath his shoes made him cringe, but he loved the dew drops he saw on every branch he walked under, and Richie looked amazing in this light, partially shaded by the trees. Sometimes the sun would capture his eyes and the blue would look crystal clear, and his cheekbones would look even sharper. While Eddie ogled Richie, a single stick caused him to trip for the fifth time. Eddie groaned and attempted to get up but got too scared to touch the dirt, afraid of getting grime underneath his freshly painted fingernails, courtesy of Beverly. Richie stopped and turned to help Eddie up again, (for the fifth time) and smiled. 

“Hop on, Eds! Can’t let your lovely legs get scuffed up!”  _ Again with the flirting. _ Eddie reluctantly jumped on. Eddie’s legs wrapped around Richie’s torso like his life depended on it, and his arms tightly held himself up. “Don’t be so scared, I won’t drop you.” Eddie hid his face in the mess of Richie’s hair, he had been growing it out, it looked good. Could use a brushing though. Eddie had to hold himself back from combing his hands through it. 

“Well you’re even clumsier than me, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you did drop me!” He said triumphantly. 

“Well Eddie, it doesn’t help that whenever I look at you I think about the things me and Ms. K do together!”

“Beep beep, Richie! That’s so gross!” Eddie stuck out his tongue and fake gagged, but let a laugh out. He hated that he found Richie funny, he knew his jokes were dumb and immature, but he somehow knew just the right thing to say to make Eddie lose his shit. 

“Was that a laugh I heard, Spaghetti? I knew you found me funny!” Richie cackled.

“I don’t! I was laughing about something else!”

“OK, whatever you say Eds.” Eddie could feel Richie’s smile radiate off of him, he looked up and was greeted with the river, and his friends all running towards it. Richie stopped and stared off into the distance, probably taking in the surroundings. Him and Richie stayed there for a bit, watching their friends set up a blanket to sit on and snacks to eat. It was close to sundown, Eddie had told his mom he was staying at Stan’s for the night. (He was just gonna stay at Richie’s). Stan was the only friend Eddie had who his mom trusted, and Stan’s parents knew just how crazy his mother was and always covered for him when needed. Eddie loved Stan’s parents, they always kept an eye out for him, and kept him safe from his mother’s wrath when he wanted to stay over at someone else’s place. 

After a bit longer of staring, Richie nudged Eddie to let go to he could put him down. When Eddie’s feet reached the ground he felt a burst of energy, without a seconds thought, he said; 

“Race you, Rich!” Eddie started to sprint to the river, Richie called out something like  _ “That’s not fair!” _ and was on Eddie’s heels. Eddie felt his mouth curl into a grin, not able to hold it back. The wind blew around his hair and tickled his cheeks. Soon him and Richie were neck and neck, both giggling like when they were little kids. 

“I got longer legs than you Eds! I’m holding back!”

“Sure, you’re just making excuses!” Eddie said, picking up the speed. 

“Betcha won’t expect this!” Before Eddie had time to react, Richie collided with him, wrapping him in a hug. The two roll down the field, uncontrollable grins spread across their faces. Eddie didn’t even care about how dirty his shirt will be when he got up. They finally stopped rolling and they’re just laying in the grass wrapped around each other. Richie had his chin rested upon Eddie’s chest, and he had looked up at Eddie with a smile that showed off his braces. The orange light from the sun painted itself across Richie’s face and he fit in so well with the scenery around them. A field of freshly watered grass by a riverbank with the sunlight slowly dripping out of view, the heart patterned shirt and thick black frames both contrasted and blended in with the surroundings. Eddie impulsively placed his hand on Richie’s cheek and rubbed his thumb underneath his eye. Richie’s eyes were almost green, and his face was warm to the touch and tinged pink. Probably from all their roughhousing. Suddenly, a thought flew past his mind that he couldn’t believe. 

_ He looks so pretty, I want to kiss him. _

His entire face burnt red, before Eddie could make himself an excuse, Stan did for them. He called them to come over unless they wanted all the chocolate to be eaten without them. Richie stood up and reached a hand out to Eddie and lifted him with one hand.  _ I want to kiss Richie Tozier. Fuck. _

Later they were all a little bit tipsy, Bill sneaked a bottle of wine out of his parent’s liquor cabinet and they all somehow convinced Eddie to have some. He was the most sober out of all of them, since his alcohol tolerance was high even though he was such a small person. Richie also wasn’t that drunk, at least seemingly. He hoped that they weren’t drunk enough for Richie’s mom to notice when they get back. Bill, Stan, and Mike were all in a cuddle pile, leaving both Richie and Eddie to do whatever. They had been sharing slightly slurred conversations, Eddie was laughing like mad and Richie loved it. He loved watching Eddie laugh, it was hard to get him to crack a laugh but when Richie heard it, it sounded like music to his ears. Richie made a stupid joke about a video game and Eddie couldn’t get over it, his laugh boomed and infected Richie too. They laid back on the blanket laughing and their shoulders bumping against each other. Eddie clinged to Richie’s arm and laughed into it. They finally calmed down and sighed, the cool air finally hit them. They sky was a dark blue, the sun set hours ago. 

“We should probably go back to my place. My mom might start worrying.” Richie let out, a final giggle released.

“‘Kay. We should tell them, right?” Eddie said while he pointed to the pile of three boys across from them. Richie nodded and sat up.

“Y’all, me and Eddie are gonna head out.”

“OK, goodbye Rrrichie. Bye Eddieeee.” Bill slurred with a smile, his stutter always disappeared when he was tipsy. Mike and Stan waved goodbye and the two headed off. Eddie had trouble walking straight, and Richie insisted on Eddie holding his hand so he didn’t lose him. But it was also just an excuse. Richie kept a close eye on him, Eddie looked so pretty underneath the moonlight. He was wearing overalls over a red sweater and had on a pair of red sneakers. His skin was as clear as ever and his hand was small in Richie’s. Eddie when he was drunk always talked about three times slower than when he was sober. The warmth and lack of concentration made all the medical facts and anxieties float out of his brain temporarily. 

“Hey Rich?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah?”

“Why won’t you tell me who you have a crush on?” Richie’s heart stopped and he turned to look at Eddie. 

“Um, because I don’t want to fuck up what I already have with them.” He sighed, he squeezed Eddie’s hand tighter. 

“I’m no good with feelings, but you should just tell them. You know? If they don’t talk to you anymore because you had feelings for them then that’s their problem.” Eddie grinned, “Anyone would be lucky to kiss you, ‘Chee.” Richie had to physically stop himself from both bending over laughing and having a heart attack.

“Who would even want to kiss my Trashmouth?” 

“I mean-” Eddie cut himself off, leaving Richie with a boiling feeling of anxiety in his insides. Or maybe it’s vomit. 

It was vomit. Before they even reached their bikes he puked on a few bushes. Eddie tried really hard to make it better despite his drunkenness, but all he could do it pull back Richie’s hair while he threw up his insides. They biked back to Richie’s place and Eddie sobered up during the ride. Richie tried to enter the house quietly, it was only 8 but Richie didn’t want his mom to bombard him with worries and affection in front of Eddie. But the second he unlocked the door his mom greeted him with a tight hug.

“Richie! Sweetheart, where have you been?”

“Sorry mom. Me and Eddie got caught up in helping Mike with the farm.” Maggie sighed and gave a smile to Eddie who was latched onto Richie’s arm.

“Just remember to text me next time, OK?”

“Of course.” Richie gave a small grin.

“And hello Eddie, lovely to see you as always. C’mere kiddo.” She pulled Eddie into a loving squeeze, Eddie looked like he was going to suffocate. She let him go and gave a kiss to his forehead. “You’re always welcome, even if your mom has some… issues with Richie.” She moved over to Richie and pushed some of his hair out of his eyes. “Especially since you’re maybe the  _ only _ reason Richie ever cleans his room.”

“Mom!” Richie’s face went pink with embarrassment. 

“Love you. I’ll order you two pizza.” Maggie smiled and pulled away to the kitchen while Richie mumbled ‘love you too.’ Richie held Eddie’s hand and pulled them up to his room. As soon as Richie closed the door behind him he let out a heavy sigh while he collapsed on his bed. Eddie laid beside him with his face covered by his hands. 

“You OK Spaghetti?” Richie asked, while he pulled away one of Eddie’s hands from his face. He held it by his chest. 

“Do you think your mom knows we got drunk?” Eddie said with worry caught in his throat. Richie squinted his eyes and pursed his lips in thought. 

“No, probably not.”

“ _ Probably?! _ What if she calls my mom or something!” 

“You know my mom isn’t like that! She doesn’t care as long as we don’t do anything dangerous.” 

“OK…” Eddie sighed. “You only clean your room for me? That’s cute.”

“Well if I didn’t, instead of doing anything fun you’d do a deep clean of my room. So I make it presentable  _ just for you _ .” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek which made Eddie squirm. 

“Do you really clean your room just for me?” Eddie said while he turned over to properly face Richie, who had been taking in post drunk Eddie. His hair was ruffled and his cheeks were flushed pink, and he radiated warmth. His cozy brown eyes stared into Richie’s, leaving him to study every little detail in them. They were the color of freshly made hot chocolate, and had a depth that was difficult to describe. Richie had completely forgotten Eddie asked him a question, until Eddie pinched his arm. 

“OW!” Richie flinched and rubbed over the mark Eddie left with his fingernails. 

“Answer my question, dumbass!”

“Yeah, I do clean my room just for you. Don’t want you to like, have an anxiety attack because my room is a little messy.” Richie smiled gently and let out a small sigh, his grip on Eddie’s hand loosened. “I worry about you a lot.”

“You don’t have too.” Eddie said, he held Richie’s hand tighter.

“I know, but you’ve made me feel wanted.” 

“Well, you are wanted. Not by just me, all the losers want you here, Rich.”

“I don’t get why.” Richie stated, Richie just always assumed they kept him around because he was a loser like the rest of them. And not just out of genuine care for him.

“Why do you think they wouldn’t want you here?”

“...” Richie held his breath, afraid to say something too personal and make Eddie worry about him. But he knew that Eddie asked, and he wanted to know. “I’m an asshole.” Eddie looked both shocked and offended by the statement, his mouth shaped like a small O.

“Richie, none of us think you are genuinely an asshole. Don’t be dumb.” His eyebrows drew together out of frustration. “We all know you’re a good person. You just like hide behind your mom jokes and stupid stunts.” Eddie reached for Richie’s glasses and slid them off his nose. He rested them on Richie’s end table and sighed. “You aren’t an asshole, no matter what your brain says.” Richie held his breath for a moment, unable to think of a snarky response to the sweet little speech Eddie just gave him. 

“I- uh… thanks Eds.” Eddie smiled at him and scooted closer to Richie. They were 3 inches apart and Richie couldn’t help but blush slightly. Eddie reached out for Richie’s cheek and held it gently, like he would shatter if he put too much pressure on his skin. Eddie’s fingernail grazed Richie’s collarbone while he nudged a strand of hair back into place. They stared at each other, nothing left to say but so much built up that it walled itself away. Eddie kept opening his mouth to say something but held back. He was probably doing it out of a nervous tick. Eddie didn’t handle silence well and that’s why he would ramble on and on and on until someone chimed in. Richie also didn’t like silence, but when it was with Eddie it gave him a chance to breathe, to take in all of Eddie and to think. Eddie finally became used to the quietness of the room and let himself relax into the bed, his hand still on Richie’s cheek and his own cheek squished into the pillow. 

“Your eyes are cool.” Eddie said suddenly, Richie caught himself and blinked into focus. 

“Oh, thank you. I don’t really like them but y’know…”

“What do you mean you  _ don’t like them _ ? Your eyes are cool!”

“They’re just a basic blue, I dunno, I don’t see the appeal.” 

“They’re not just a basic blue! They have this… depth. The color is deep and has something in there, it’s like the ocean. The more I look the more lost I get.” Eddie squinted to look into Richie’s eyes and flinched away after he realized what he just said. 

“You need a map, Eds?” 

“Shut up! I take it back, this is what I get for trying to compliment you!” Eddie turned himself over and huffed. Richie couldn’t help but giggle and he wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“I’m sowwy Eddie Spaghetti, what can I do to make it better?” Richie grinned at his own stupid made up voice. 

“To NEVER do that voice again. That was terrible.” Eddie released a held back laugh and turned back around to be only an inch away from Richie’s face. Eddie always had this certain smile when he was  _ content _ , it wasn’t like any of his other smiles. The other ones were always big, and toothy. They spread across his entire face and basically reached his ears. Richie found every smile of Eddie’s adorable, but his content smile was a winner. Because it was simple, it didn’t have much to hide and that smile always meant he felt safe. Eddie was smiling at Richie right now with that same grin that was described. Richie wished Eddie always had that smile on, but it’s kinda hard to feel content with a life with lies and meaninglessness. Eddie always smiled like that when it was just him and Richie. 

Richie needed to control his longing stares before Eddie suspects something. 

Richie pinched Eddie’s sides and he let out a loud squeal. Eddie was also extremely ticklish, and he immediately tried to push Richie off of him but before he knew it Richie was on top of him targeting every ticklish spot. Richie’s fingers dug into his neck and Eddie kicked and cried out in laughter. Suddenly, Eddie shoved Richie off of him and was now sitting on top of Richie, with knees on either side of Richie’s hips. “Gotcha! Now what’re you gonna do, Trashmouth?” Eddie said through a smirk. Any thought that was previously going through Richie’s head had left without a trace. He mustered up a smile and held Eddie’s hand, while he tried to ignore all the butterflies eating him from the inside out. He could feel how hot his face was, the red on his cheeks crawled around his ears and neck. He felt entirely vulnerable to Eddie at that moment and he thought Eddie maybe did too. Eddie opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Richie’s mom. 

“Boys! Pizza’s here!” She called from downstairs, before Richie knew it Eddie bolted out of the room and down the stairs, and soon came back up with the boxes. 

It was around 1 AM when they decided to go to sleep. Richie’s mom didn’t bring up the air mattress since him and Eddie have shared a bed since they were very young and they always ended up sharing regardless. Eddie found that Richie’s room was a lot colder than usual that night, the blankets barely stopping his shivers. Probably from the colder weather. Eddie was glad he had an excuse though to snuggle up with Richie. Richie was passed out and fell asleep as soon as he got comfortable, which Eddie envied. Richie had been mumbling in his sleep, it all being nonsense. Richie always sleep talked, none of it had normally been decipherable. Eddie enjoyed it though, sleeping was difficult without the noise and without someone next to him. He had a hard time figuring out why, but he was trying to avoid thinking about it. 

Eddie had his arms wrapped around Richie’s waist, and Richie's arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Richie soft mumbles and quiet breaths filled up the silence in the room. Eddie felt safe, he felt  _ away _ from everything at home. His mother’s smothering was making him feel incredibly lonely lately, even if Richie visited every night, he almost never left his home. Ever since his mom found the mixtape she had been holding him in a tight grasp. Luckily Eddie was able to find and take the mixtape back, he just had to hide it in his jacket pocket, and change the jacket each week. Eddie knew the paranoia he had surrounding his mother was irrational, but so was she. If he wanted him and Richie’s plan to work out, he needed to be a perfect little angel for the next four years. Eddie hadn’t even considered college yet, but all he knew was that he wanted to be apart of the medical field. His mother might block that dream though. That scared Eddie, to have his whole future stolen from him by someone who’s supposed to love him. 

Richie shifted his chin to have it rest on Eddie’s, and his mumbling stopped. His hands held Eddie’s (Actually  _ Richie’s _ ) t-shirt and a sigh was released from him. 

“Did I wake you up?” Eddie whispered, while he wrapped his arms tighter around Richie.

“No.” He paused to yawn. “Just had a feeling my little Eddie Spaghetti was thinking too hard.” 

“So I  _ did _ .”

“Technically you didn’t, but it doesn’t matter.” Richie took a few deep breaths. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing-”

“ _ Don’t worry about it _ . Don’t pull that on me, we’ve talked about this. I will always rather know what you’re feeling than not.” Richie rubbed his cheek in Eddie’s hair.

“OK…” Eddie nuzzled his nose into Richie’s neck and sighed. “I’m just scared about the future, you know? Like, we have our plan and stuff, but I don’t even know how bad my mom will react to me  _ abandoning _ her to go to med school and live with you.” The room was quiet for a moment, Eddie could feel his brain run over every possibility, every argument,  _ every, single, little, detail, _ of what could go wrong. 

“Eds, moving on isn’t abandoning. Your mom isn’t worth the worry, OK? I know it isn’t that easy, but it’s her fault that she can’t accept her little Eddie-bear is growing up.” Richie moved his face to mirror Eddie’s. “And if she tries anything I’ll sock her in the jaw.”

“Richie!” Eddie whisper yelled, with a bit of humor behind it. Eddie wished she loved him in a normal way, and that they could just be a mother and son. Eddie had a hard time convincing himself he loved his mother. Beverly put it into terms that Eddie connected with deeply, the words regarding her father.  _ “It’s like, you wish that they were what they think they are. Loving, caring, there for you. But they’re none of that, and you love the intention behind it. But you know the actions mean more than the intentions. I can’t love my dad, he’s a terrible person, but I wish he chose a different path to be what I would love him to be.”  _ Eddie could feel tears pool in the corners of his eyes, so rather than care about what he wished his mother was, he’ll stare into what his future holds. And that included the beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. 

**Freshman Year - April**

Something about spring always made Eddie a lot more cheery, as Richie would put it. He didn’t have to wear heavy winter clothes, and could roam around in his shorts or in a nice polo sweater combo- almost any outfit could be worn during spring, it was flexible, and unpredictable. Similar to Richie in a sense, maybe that’s why Eddie enjoyed it so much. 

Eddie had convinced his mother he was hanging out with Stan that day so he could go to Beverly’s, he started coming over once a month so she could repaint his nails. Her dad would leave the house for the day also once a month, to go out for work or something, Bev never specified. April 17th had blessed Derry with a painted blue sky and bright yellow sun, Eddie biked over to Bev’s, and soaked in as much of the air as he could before heading inside. He knocked on the tattered screen door, which made a terrible rattling sound. (Her doorbell was broken.) Bev opened the door with a smile and a kiss on the forehead for him. Bev was always affectionate with the loser’s, nothing romantic but she always had a kiss for their cheeks on hand when she greeted them. 

“‘Sup kid, come in!” She said while she dragged him towards her room. Bev treated Eddie like her little brother, which is something he always liked about hanging out with her. She treated the loser’s like her incompetent brothers except for Eddie, he got special treatment. Both him and Ben. Eddie tried to take a deeper look into the rest of her house but was enclosed in Bev’s room before he got to take a look. Bev had a cute room, she had gone through a bit of a grunge phase during 8th grade and some grunge band posters were still plastered on her walls. The ashtray she stole from their ‘local’ Walmart was sitting on her window sill, smoke floating out the fly screen. (The Walmart was an hour away, so not  _ exactly _ local.) Eddie always liked the aesthetic of smoking, and utterly hated the effects it had. But he wouldn’t stop himself from being enamored by the way smoke danced around the room or think people looked gross when they did it. He didn’t find many girls particularly pretty, but he thought Beverly looked really pretty when she blew smoke out her window or purposely puffed some smoke in Stan’s face just to tick him off. Bev must’ve caught Eddie  _ glaring  _ at the ashtray, so she pulled out her pack of cigs and offered one to him. “Wanna try?” Eddie jumped back with surprise and let out a sigh/laugh of relief that it was just her. But his eyes widened with the possibility of smoking a cigarette. 

“Uh, I’m not entirely sure, Beverly.” Bev looked him up and down, trying to figure out something. 

“Well, judging by how intently you’ve been lookin’ at my ashtray, I’d say you kinda want to.” She took a cig out from the box and rested it between her lips, “Here, you can just have a drag from mine, no need to smoke a whole one for your first time, yanno?” Beverly took out her red lighter and with one flick of her fingers it was lit. They moved to sit on her bed while she drew the smoke into her lungs. She blew it out the window and put the cig in Eddie’s mouth. “Just tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I would like to try it…” 

“OK then, breathe in.” Eddie took a drag and immediately felt a cough rise from his lungs. He handed the cigarette to her and coughed out the smoke through her window. She giggled while she tapped the ash off of it into the ashtray. 

“OK, I’ve decided I don’t like it.”

“Good, terrible habit, kiddo.” 

“I know, I don’t even know how I convinced myself to try it.” He laughed while Bev took another puff. Eddie didn’t know how she managed to not smell like smoke all the time. 

“Well yanno, people think it looks cool.”

“I do think it looks kinda cool.” Beverly smiled at him and picked up her nail polish bag from her end table. 

“What color this month?”

“Hmm, how about… pink.”

“Ooo, haven’t tried pink before. Good choice.” She took out the base color and top coat after taking the last drag from her cig. She painted his nails, everything going as normal, talking about the loser’s, talking about school, Richie, etc, etc. But while she was placing on the top coat, she asked a question Eddie had been avoiding. “Do you have a crush on Richie?” Eddie held back his breath, his mind conflicting.  _ I definitely do, right? But some best friends think about kissing each other? That’s not that weird, it’s not a crush. But I really wouldn’t mind calling him my boyfriend, but platonically. Maybe I don’t have a crush, or maybe I do? _

“I’m not… entirely sure.” Eddie said with a retracted hand. Beverly and him stared at each other for a few seconds, her eyes blue and intense. They were similar to Richie’s, but his were murkier. 

“Well, I think that you do.” She said with a smile plastered on her cheeks. “Because the way you two interact, and look at each other- that’s not something you see in just a friendship.” 

“I just don’t even know if I’m… gay. Like, I don’t really find girls particularly pretty, except for you Bev, you’re maybe the one girl I actually think is pretty-” She smiled at the comment. “And some guys do look,  _ good _ . And Richie has very uh- pretty eyes. And I might find him a little funny at times, oh- AND he is like,  _ freakishly _ strong for someone so lanky. He can still pick me up a lot, I love it when he carries me, it’s nice.” Eddie stopped himself before revealing how much he actually does like about Richie, and Bev is just sat there, with a laugh held back in her throat. “What?” Beverly sighed and continued to work on his nails.

“Let me know when you’re ready, yeah?” And with that they went along with their day as normal.

That night Eddie dwelled awake with Richie sleeping next to him, Eddie tried to avoid thinking about his conversation with Bev earlier. He stared at his newly done nails and examined every bump and ridge on his fingers. Eddie’s nails had always been stubby since he had trouble with nail biting, but having his nails painted made him try to avoid it. Richie complimented his nails earlier, saying the pink was cute.  _ “Nice nails Eds, the pink is very cute.” _ Eddie replayed those words over and over in his head, his heart beating quickly and his mind running a mile a minute. Eddie knew he had to figure this out, he couldn’t handle questioning himself all the time. And he wanted to tell Bev whatever was going on in his head, because not telling her his secrets felt like a felony. Eddie glanced at Richie, serenity captured in the slight grin from his dreams. The moon shined right outside his window that night, the cool white highlighting Richie’s already sharp features. It’s like the moon was pointing out everything he liked about Richie’s face; His freckles almost disappeared into his skin under the light of the moon, his eyelashes danced along with the soft touch of the moonlight, his cheekbones high and his mouth so soft and just  _ RichieRichieRichie _ . In Between Richie’s sleepy words he let out an  _ “I love you, Eds.” _

That’s what made Eddie decide. He  _ knew _ he was in love with Richie Tozier.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall !! sorry for the super long wait but hopefully this satisfies ur needs for now, I didn't expect to write this much and i never had an actual plan for this fic but let's hope I stay committed and yall do too, thank u for reading and for all the positive support it's rlly made me have motivation to get this done. lov yall <3


	3. Summer of Freshman Year

**Summer of Freshman Year**

Summer started sooner than Richie anticipated, the school year went by so fast he could barely comprehend that he was 15, and almost a sophomore. Freshman year kinda tore up his mental self esteem- it was very easy for him to get good grades in middle school, and he was considered a “gifted student” by his teachers. But after almost failing half his classes that school year, he promised himself that he’ll put more effort into studying in the new year. But that meant more time with Eddie, so he wasn’t exactly upset about it. 

Ever since he told Eddie that he was gay, things have felt different. It might just be him, but Eddie had been staring at him more, and always finding excuses to hold Richie’s hand. Richie sort of regretted telling Eddie he had a crush on someone, because if Eddie  _ ever _ liked him back, he’d think he would have no chance. Richie was mad with himself for not telling Eddie he had a crush on him, because he would rather have the rejection over with. But simultaneously, he didn’t want to risk losing his best friend because of his dumb, gay feelings. He didn’t want to hear;  _ “I’m sorry, Rich. I’m straight.” _ He couldn’t handle it. He just wanted to spend all his time with Eddie, and not risk losing it all.

It was July 7th, his dad had come back from his 6 month business trip for some dentist convention. It probably wasn’t, he probably spent half that time starting another family with his secretary.  _ (Ew.)  _ But since his dad was back, that meant he couldn’t leave the house as much, or else his dad would start asking questions, all of Richie’s answers would lead to him getting the life kicked out of him. So he just stayed up in his room. Today was the same, no one could come over with Richie’s dad around, and he couldn’t see anyone unless his dad was working at the clinic. Richie had been rereading the same comics over and over again or checking his phone for texts. (None of which were there.) He wanted to go see Eddie, but that was reserved for night time at the moment since Eddie’s mom was also holding him captive. He was grounded for seeing Beverly a week ago, they talked about it on their home phones before Richie’s dad came back. Richie considered sneaking out the window that morning to go annoy Stan and his family, but his dad was insistent on washing their old, beaten truck that day. 

Richie glared at his ceiling, frustrated with how unfair it all was. He wasn’t even gonna be able to see his friends much before he leaves for his uncle’s. He had nothing to vent out his frustration, he couldn’t talk to his mother, as she was at risk talking to her own son with her husband around. They almost never spoke with Richie’s father around, since he’ll hurt the both of them if they speak a word unless addressed to their  _ dictator _ . Richie rolled over, face in his pillow, and sighed. He ran his hands through his hair and cringed at the greasiness of it. He really needed to shower, but was scared to leave his room in case of an encounter with his father. But knew since his father was outside working, he could get away with it. 

He stood up and grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and pajama pants, along with an old band t-shirt from his cousin. He snuck out his bedroom, avoiding every creeky plank down the hallway, making as little noise as possible. He bursted into the bathroom and quickly locked it behind him. He let out a sigh of relief with the click of the lock, and flipped the handle of the shower to hot, even if it was boiling outside it wasn’t gonna stop him from enjoying the warmth. Richie threw off his clothes haphazardly on the floor and jumped in the shower. The boiling water greeted his skin and made him flinch to the sudden contact. He leaned against the shower wall, he had little to think about that felt in the realm of possibility. He wished he could go see Eddie- and that he could swim with him in the quarry, or maybe go to the mall with all the loser’s. Richie fantasized about these things while he dumped a glop of two and in one shampoo and conditioner on his hand and scrubbed it in his hair. Eddie hated two and in one shampoo and conditioner- he had thoroughly criticized Richie’s hair and skin routine, and refused to believe it works. Richie  _ barely _ had a skin routine, he just splashed water on his face and would on occasion use one of his mom’s moisturizing face wipes. Richie finished up his shower and rinsed his face in cold water from the sink. He looked into the mirror, he looked like a wet rat. His hair was stringy and long- he couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted a haircut. He pulled the skin under his eye and stuck out his tongue, he hated his eyes. The blue was empty and lacked any detail. (To him, at least.) Before he could fall into his pool of self pity that was currently trying to drown him in the bathroom, he put back on his sweats and t-shirt, and left for his room. On the way he caught a look at his mother- who was drowsily doing laundry. He would go over to help if his fear of his dad coming up the stairs didn’t creep on his brain. He hid back in his room and fell on his bed- wishing he was anywhere else.

Eddie was waiting for Richie to climb up to his room, he was counting the dots on his ceiling and glow stars. There were 45 dots and 10 stars that he had counted so far, but the counting was interrupted with a little knock on the window. Eddie wandered over to the window and unlocked it. Richie climbed in with his shiny smile and messy hair, and collapsed onto Eddie’s bed. 

“Oh my god Eds- today was so fucking lame! I didn’t get to do  _ anything _ -” Richie rambled, Eddie actually had a plan tonight, him and the loser’s had been figuring out the details for the past week. They were all gonna meet at the quarry, Mike said he’d bring some weed, and they would all have a nighttime picnic. Stanley came up with the idea, since Eddie had been telling them about how upset Richie was not being able to see everyone. “But anyway, how has your day been, Eds?” Eddie sat next to him on the bed and rested a hand on Richie’s arm.

“It’s been alright.” Eddie said with a small smile, he was trying not to spill out his giddiness about tonight. “But don’t get too comfortable Trashmouth-” Eddie lowered his voice into a whisper, “We’re going out, we’re meeting the rest of the gang at the quarry.” Richie’s eyes were blown wide and his grin stretched to his ears.

“My my! My little Eds is sneaking out for the first time! How did you all plan this?” Richie placed his hand over Eddie’s. 

“I was on a call with Bev while she was out with everyone else and we have been planning it all week! But anyway- we should get going, we don’t wanna be late.” Eddie got up and approached his window and opened it. He peaked out the window to figure out how to get down as safely as possible, he had no idea how Richie was able to sneak up here all the time, it looked really difficult. Before Eddie could try to leave first, Richie gently nudged him out the way so he could go first.

“I’ll show you Eds, don’t worry.” Richie climbed out onto the shingles outside the window, and reached for the tree closest to him. He lifted himself up onto the biggest and sturdiest branch, then extended out a hand to Eddie. “C’mon, I know you don’t like heights.” Eddie took a deep breath and stepped out the window, he took small and wobbly steps closer to the tree. He got to the branch and grasped the hand held out to him and was lifted up. Eddie had trouble believing someone and lanky and thin as Richie could hoist him up with such ease but he wasn’t gonna complain. Richie climbed down the branches with Eddie following close behind, and then Richie jumped off the last branch and landed on Eddie’s mother’s dry front lawn. Eddie was still stood on the last branch, with anxiety swirling in his gut. He suddenly didn’t want to jump, if he landed just slightly wrong he could get seriously hurt. But Richie looked back up at him with a sweet smile and his arms wide open. “Don’t worry Eds, I’ll catch ya!” Richie said, Eddie stared down at him, while his eyebrows furrowed. He finally jumped off the branch and straight into Richie- he couldn’t tell if he had crushed Richie or not since his eyes were scrunched closed. Eddie opened one eye to find himself in Richie’s arms, being carried bridal style. Eddie flushed pink and Richie let out a sly smile. “Told you I would catch you, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek while Eddie tried to squirm away, but to no avail. 

“Richie! Let go of me!” 

“Aw, but you’re so cute in my arms, and you’re so light too.” Richie rubbed his nose into Eddie’s cheek. “But I’ll let you down, because I love you.” Richie gently let Eddie onto the ground and turned towards the sidewalk. Eddie brushed himself off and followed close behind Richie, his cheeks still stained pink. 

When they got to the quarry everyone else was already there, Beverly and Ben sat on the white and red checkered picnic blanket across from Bill, Stan and Mike, who were all already all over each other. In between the group was a big basket, with most of the food already displayed. There was tupperware full of fruits and sandwiches, along with bags of chips and water bottles. Mike was holding out a small altoid tin with some joints inside. Richie and Eddie headed over to join them, they sat next to Bev and Ben, who were whispering sweet nothings to each other.  _ They’re probably whispering cheesy love poems to each other- gross.  _ Richie thought before he glanced at Eddie, who was getting comfortable on the blanket. Eddie was laughing at something Bill said, and spoke a sharp comeback that Bill pretended to die from. Richie missed this, he missed seeing everyone. Seeing the loser’s made him wish that his dad never came back home. Suddenly Mike snapped to grab everyone’s attention. 

“OK ya’ll, I have a few joints. We need to create a circle and everyone passes to their right after they take a hit, OK? Does anyone wanna sit this out?” Mike smiled, he glanced at Eddie, who surprisingly wasn’t saying anything. Eddie told Richie about how he tried a cigarette at Beverly’s, so he guessed that experience dulled his intense hatred for smoking. No one said anything, everyone wanted to smoke, so Mike took out the first joint, he rested it between his lips while Bill lit it for him. Mike breathed in the smoke and passed it to Stan, who lazily took a drag and passed it to Bev, who took a heavy hit. She blew the smoke into Stan’s face, while Ben finished his turn and passed it to Richie while coughing a little. Richie wasn’t new to smoking, he had taken a few drags from Beverly’s cigs before, and one time he hung out with Mike and Bill at Bill’s house and they stole one of his dad’s blunts. So when he breathed in the smoke, he didn’t cough or choke. He looked over to Eddie and handed the joint to him, Eddie’s eyes were intense, you could tell he was a little nervous. Eddie held the joint to his lips, he took a bigger hit than anyone else so far, Richie was impressed. He didn’t think watching Eddie smoke could be so- mesmerizing. His pupils were blown big, and the furrow of his brow dissipated when the high took over his brain. His cheeks were rosy, and his eyes were a little watery. As soon as Eddie blew out the smoke he coughed up a storm, he handed the joint to Bill while trying to reach for a water bottle. Richie handed it to him with a laugh, Eddie chugged a quarter of the bottle before setting it down. 

“Too much for you, Spaghetti?” Richie grinned. 

“Shut up, Trashmouth.” Eddie’s voice quivered with embarrassment, “I’m not a seasoned smoker like Beverly, or Mike.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m not judging ya, just teasin’.” Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, Eddie sighed and leaned into it. “Already high, Eds?”

“...Maybe a little.” Eddie smiled and laughed. He hugged Richie’s waist. “I think I’m done smoking for the night.” Eddie announced, Mike nodded at him while passing a new joint to Stan, who also passed. 

“Dang, players out of the game already! We got a couple of lightweights on our hands!” Beverly giggled while finishing her drag, she handed to Ben who took it hesitantly. You could tell Ben wanted to stop too, but wanted to impress Bev. Ben took another hit then handed the joint to Richie again, Richie took a bigger hit this time, He was tempted to blow the smoke into Eddie’s face, but didn’t want to ruin the sandwich Eddie was scarfing down. He passed the joint to Bill who had just taken the last hit from the first one. The joint went around the circle again before Beverly, Eddie, and Bill decided to go on a walk. Leaving Richie, Ben, Stan, and Mike still in the circle. Only Richie and Mike were smoking at this point, they were sharing the last joint between them. Richie watched Eddie, Bev, and Bill walk out to the forest, he hoped they would remember their way back. Richie spaced out while Stan, Ben, and Mike were talking, he couldn’t tell what was going through his own head at the moment. Being stoned made his thought process incredibly hazy, he could barely get a full sentence to play in his brain. While Richie stared into space, Mike nudged him back into existence. 

“Rich, are you OK?” Mike asked, putting out the last joint in the dirt. 

“Huh- I- uh, yeah I’m… fine…” Richie grabbed a chip bag and slowly ate a chip. Mike looked over to Stan, who was equally as concerned about Richie. Normally Richie would be babbling about nothing by now, or showing any interest in talking. Ben stared at Richie, with a small pout, as he was worried too. 

“Are you sure you’re OK, Richie? You’re never this quiet unless something is up.” Stan finally asked, that’s when a pang of sadness hit Richie. Whenever Stan or Eddie asked if Richie was OK when he was upset he would always burst into tears. Richie sniffled and covered his face with his hands. 

“Y'all… I’m gay.” Richie said through tears, he didn’t know why he decided to come out when he was high off his ass, but better now than never. Ben, Stan, and Mike all scooted over to Richie and hugged him. 

“We’re proud of you dude, we’re glad you told us.” Ben said with a smile.

“Yeah, we love you no matter what.” Mike rubbed his hand in circles on Richie’s back. Stan giggled slightly, Richie uncovered his eyes to glare at him. 

“Don’t laugh Stan! That was really hard.” Richie cried out, Stan settled down and smiled. 

“I’m not judging you at all, it’s just funny because I’ve literally known this entire time.” He let out another laugh. 

“No you didn’t! I was really good at pretending to be straight!!” Richie huffed. 

“I mean… I also knew this whole time.” Mike said, Ben nodded in agreement.

“What?! That isn’t true.”

“Richie, you and Eddie flirt like mad every second you’re near each other, also you wear ugly hawaiian shirts, that’s gay fashion right there.” Mike let out a little laugh while patting Richie’s back. 

“How would you know Mike?”

“Because I’m bi? Is that not obvious?” Mike sounded offended by Richie ever believing Mike could be straight.

“I’m gay too, Richie. Gay people flock together, especially in Derry. But we have a couple of exceptions.” Stan nodded over to Ben who silently agreed. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure almost every loser is gay, I think Bevvy even told me she was bisexual.” Ben smiled. 

“Yeah, Bill is also bi. I dunno about Eddie though.” 

“Why hasn’t anyone told me?!” Richie yelled. 

“We thought you knew!” Stan yelled back. 

“Well I didn’t get the memo!” Richie said.

“Well, now you do. So you don’t have to freak out about it.” Ben said calmly. Richie sighed and laid back on the blanket. “Also, we all know you have a crush on Eddie.” Ben commented. Richie groaned and covered his eyes. 

“I’m  _ that _ obvious?” 

“Yeah man.” Mike agreed, “It’s OK though, I’m sure you and Eddie will figure it out.” Richie sighed again and pouted. 

“Do you think he likes me back?” He asked. They were all quiet for a moment, all lost in thought. Richie assumed the outcome was gonna be negative, until Stan spoke up.

“I would go for it, Richie.” 

Eddie, Bev, and Bill’s walk stopped when they found a small grassy circle to sit together. Eddie was enjoying being high, even though he embarrassed himself in front of Richie by coughing, he soon forgot about it. He had been skipping the entire walk without realizing, and as soon as he sat down his legs felt like jello. Bev laughed as she watched Eddie poke at his legs in confusion. 

“It’s SO weird Beverly! Like my legs only feel like this when- you know what, I’m not gonna say it.” 

“When you jack off?” Beverly laughed along with Bill while Eddie reacted in disgust.

“Did you really have to say that?” Eddie said while he stuck out his tongue. 

“No, but it was funny.” Bev said with a smile, she pulled out her carton of cigarettes and lit one on her lips. She laid back onto the grass. “Eddie- are you ready to tell me yet?” She questioned with a puff of smoke escaping between her lips. 

“Um, I guess. I do think I have a crush on him.” Eddie covered the smile forming behind his sweater sleeves. Bev smiled and patted his leg. Bill looked at the two of them, confused.

“W-wait, Eddie has a crush on w-who?” 

“Take a guess, it’s pretty easy.” Bev laughed. 

“R-richie?”

“Bingo!” Bev pointed at Bill and clapped. 

“Beverly! You can’t tell anyone!” Eddie’s smile disappeared and now he was sitting with his arms crossed and a frown plastered on his face. 

“I didn’t tell him! He guessed, plus, it’s pretty obvious.” Beverly let out another puff of smoke. “And y’all flirt like… all the time.” 

“We don’t flirt!” 

“E-eddie, you d-definitely do.” Bill chimed in, “It’s a-also obvious that h-he likes you b-back.” Bill smiled at Eddie.

“OK, well that’s just impossible!” Eddie exclaimed, “He’s always been like that! He’s just joking when he says those things.” 

“Edward Kaspbrack, have you ever considered that, maybe, he’s liked you since like- forever?” Bev asked. 

“That’s not evidence, Beverly Marsh.” Eddie shot back. 

“E-eddie, he doesn’t t-treat anyone else the w-way he treats you. He flirts with y-you and you only. L-like maybe he’ll joke about m-marrying one of us but he d-doesn’t make specific comments t-to us unlike he does w-with you.” Bill mentioned, Eddie rolled his eyes and laid down next to Beverly. Bill also joined them. They all stared at the ceiling of trees and stars above them, Eddie couldn’t help but want to believe Bill- Who wouldn’t, right? Despite his full belief that Richie would never like him back, he still liked to think about it in his head. How Richie would tell him, or how Eddie would tell him. Maybe one day Richie sneaked into Eddie’s room for the hundredth time, and when Richie knocks at the window instead of greeting Eddie with a hello it’s with a swift kiss. Or one day after Eddie jumps into the quarry to join Richie they kiss until they’re breathless. Those fantasies though, were just fantasies. He knew it couldn’t happen, and even if they ended up together, Richie would get sick of him, and find someone new. Richie didn’t like doing the same thing for too long, he’ll probably get sick of Eddie, too.  _ What if one day, Richie leaves Derry without me? What if he leaves me alone with my mother, what if he abandons all the loser’s? What if… he forgets me?  _ Eddie felt tears pool in the corners of his eyes, he started to sob, while staring into the night sky. Both Beverly and Bill grabbed his hands and squeezed tight, they all were a little emotional at the moment. Eddie felt guilty, he felt like he was making them cry- like it was his fault they felt terrible. 

“I’m sorry guys…” Eddie squeaked, he wanted to wipe away the tears but the grip both Bill and Bev had on his hands was tight. 

“Eddie… don’t apologize…” Beverly said while wiping a tear off her cheek with her free hand. “It’ll make me cry more.” She laughed a little, but with no smile to accompany it. 

“E-Eddie, do y-you wanna talk about w-why you’re up-upset?” Bill asked, his voice was raw. Eddie felt more tears drag down his face. 

“I’m just- so fucking scared. Of everything- I’m scared of my mother, I’m scared of being stuck in Derry- I’m scared Richie is gonna leave me here alone and I don’t think I can handle being alone… not in this god awful town. Like- if Richie did like me back, he would get bored of me quickly, I know he would. He likes variety. I wouldn’t be enough. He would leave me as quickly as we got together.” Eddie let out heavy breaths, his shoulders were tense and his face was wet with tears. Beverly sat up, her bouncy orange hair not matching the serious look on her face.

“Eddie, Richie would never leave you, OK? None of us would, especially not leave you here…” She squeezed Eddie’s hand, “Richie  _ loves you _ , so much. He’s been with you since you two were in what, kindergarten? He hasn’t gotten sick of you yet- and I imagine he never would.” She said with a smile, she lifted Eddie’s head onto her lap and wiped the tears on his cheeks. Bill also sat up, and rested a comforting hand on Eddie’s arm. 

“Yeah, he l-loves you. We all l-love you, and none o-of us are g-gonna be left b-behind. We’ll a-all escape s-somehow…” Bill said, his eyes were watery, and so were Beverly’s. They sat there for a while, comforting each other about each other’s fears and staring into the stars above them, wishing they were there. Bill expressed his intense feelings for Mike and Stan, and his fear of them not liking him back, of not being wanted. Beverly mentioned her trust issues with Ben, and due to her father, she’s had trouble being open to him or being OK with Ben touching her. But they all talked about how grateful they were for what they had. Beverly said that Ben was OK with waiting, and he said he would wait forever if he had too. Eddie talked about how Richie promised they would leave Derry together, and that he always knew how to calm him down when he was anxious. Bill was happy that even if his feelings were unrequited, he knew he could still count on Stan and Mike to be his friends. 

After the emotional walk back to the quarry, Mike, Stan, Richie, and Ben were still sitting there, arguing about something. Somehow, they were able to get Richie angry about something. Eddie giggled at the sight while wiping the last tear away, his high had worn off and he just wanted to hug Richie. He called out;

“Richie!” Eddie waved to the group, Richie got up and walked over while Bev and Bill headed over to the picnic blanket. Richie stood in front of Eddie, his anger immediately swept away as if it was nothing. “Hi.” Eddie said, while he pulled Richie into a hug. 

“Hello Spaghetti, did you miss me?” Richie said, Eddie could tell he was smiling.

“That’s for you to decide.” 

“Mysterious, how was your walk?” Richie asked while pulling away.

“It was OK, it got kinda… emotional.” Eddie sighed. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did Bev and Bill help at all?” Richie held Eddie’s cheek in his hand delicately. 

“Of course, we just all had stuff we needed to talk about I guess…” Eddie leaned into Richie’s hand.

“Yeah, do you wanna head back to your place?” Richei yawned mid sentence. “I’m getting kinda tired.” Eddie nodded, they wandered over to the picnic, said their goodbyes, then left.

They were back at Eddie’s, Richie had to help Eddie up into the tree again on their way up. But at the moment they were both on Eddie’s bed, giggling to each other about stupid things. At some point, they started to wrestle on the bed. Eddie had challenged Richie to arm wrestling, and it turned into them trying to keep each other pinned on the bed for more than five seconds. They flipped around, Eddie's smaller frame made him able to slide away easily, and Richie’s long arms and strength made it easy for him to push Eddie off of him. Finally, Richie had Eddie pinned by the wrists on the bed, Eddie tried to escape but Richie was able to keep his wrists pinned with one hand. 

“Three! Four! Five! I win.” Richie laughed, but when he finally realized the position they were in his brain malfunctioned. Eddie was looking up at Richie, his gaze expecting… something. Richie didn’t know what. Richie had his knees on either side of Eddie’s hips, their faces were merely five inches apart. Richie could feel his face turning red, his mind was running 50 miles per second and Eddie’s eyes and face weren’t helping him. Eddie didn’t seem to mind, or maybe he just didn’t wanna say anything. Eddie’s mouth was slightly parted, and his mouth was glossy from licking his lips. His breathing was slow, and his cheeks were a lovely shade of pink.  _ He looks so pretty right now, I am so scared to move. I don’t know what I’m doing! If I move he might make me leave, he’s probably uncomfortable, I should let his hands go. How are his wrists so tiny? I only need one hand to wrap around both of them. His cheeks look so soft, he’s so cute I kinda wanna bite him- that’s definitely weird Richie. JUST LET GO! HOLY SHIT.  _ Richie let Eddie’s wrists go. Eddie slowly moved to hold one of his wrists, and rubbed it slightly “Shit, did I hurt you Eds? I’m sor-”

“It’s OK, don’t worry about it.” Eddie said quietly, his expression hadn’t changed, it was still as entranced as before. Richie hadn’t moved away, he was still overtop of Eddie, trying to breathe without making too much sound. Eventually Richie’s arms got tired, and he laid across Eddie’s chest. Eddie turned off his lamp and they fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for not posting in a long time, I was really caught up with school but due to quarantine I've been able to write again! I hope you like this chapter, I'm already working on the next one, it's really short compared to the last one but the sophomore year chapter should be soon! Stay inside y'all and wash your hands! Thanks for sticking with me :-)


	4. Sophomore Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of sexual assault, nothing graphic but implied, if you want to skip that section of the chapter stop reading at:  
"“Rich-?”  
“I’ll tell you in a sec it’s just- fucked.” Eddie pulled Richie towards him and hugged him tight, Bev was definitely in danger."
> 
> and you can continue reading at: 
> 
> "Sophomore Year - February 
> 
> It was the night of the sophomore dance February 4th, and Eddie and Bev were getting ready together at her aunt’s."
> 
> There shouldn't be anything as serious in the chapter, but if something should be TW'd please let me know, there's also some very VERY mild sexual content between Richie and Eddie, just touching.

**Sophomore Year - September **

After that night on July 7th, Richie and Eddie hadn’t talked. Richie had apparently left for his Uncle’s early, even though Eddie didn’t believe it was true. The rest of the summer made Eddie feel filled with guilt, it wasn’t  _ that  _ weird was it? Richie had just pinned his wrists down while they were wrestling, nothing else happened. Sure, Eddie was sort of enjoying the experience, his heart was pounding like mad and he finally thought that this was the moment they’d kiss. But it wasn’t, Richie just flushed pink and apologized then fell asleep without saying anything, and left Eddie’s without saying anything, either. Richie had left before Eddie woke up, and he was upset about it. He had called Beverly that day, asking her if she had seen Richie, but she said that Richie told her he was off to his Uncle’s early. Needless to say, it hurt Eddie. Richie left a whole month early probably because Eddie was weird. Eddie kept thinking  _ maybe I made a weird noise or did something I don’t remember? _ And when he talked to Beverly about it, she said she doubted it had anything to do with Eddie. But he couldn’t help but feel terrible. 

Richie was angry when he woke up with a text from his father saying he had to pack up and leave for his Uncle’s a month early. He had considered ignoring it, and staying in bed with Eddie until his Uncle just left without him, but he knew he didn’t want to deal with his father’s wrath. Richie reluctantly left Derry on July 8th angry and on the verge of tears. He wasn’t able to tell Eddie he was leaving, only Bev. He really hoped Eddie wouldn’t be mad at him.

When Richie entered his first period on the first day of school, he was hoping he would be greeted by Eddie smiling, and coming in for a hug, but then he remembered how he had left. It was September 4th, and instead of Eddie grinning, he glared at him from his desk, at the back of the room and isolated from everyone else. Eddie was wearing a soft pink t-shirt, it matched his sun kissed skin beautifully along with his chestnut brown hair. His shorts were light denim, and had a little patch with a daisy on the pocket, probably from Bev. Richie grabbed the closest seat to Eddie, and struck up a smile. 

“Hey Eds.” He grinned, but Eddie had moved his angry gaze to the window, as if he was mad there were birds on the grass outside. 

“Don’t call me Eds, Trashmouth.” Now normally, Richie was used to the nickname, it wasn’t intended as an insult by any means when people used it. But when Eddie said it like that, coldly and with a face full of bitterness, it hurt. But despite Eddie’s anger, he wanted to try anyway. 

“Don’t get all fussy on me now, lass.” Richie said in an awful pirate accent he had made up over the summer. Eddie had no reaction, and just kept staring out the window. “Eddie, seriously what’s up I haven’t seen you-”

“Class is starting, I’d shut up if I were you.” Eddie spit out, Richie shut up.

Eddie knew Richie probably didn’t deserve this treatment, he had just gotten home and was probably excited to see Eddie, but Eddie wasn’t exactly excited to see him. The entire summer he was wallowing in anger and self pity because of Richie, he wasn’t gonna let up that easily. He had taken a few glances at Richie during first period, he had just doodled on his notes and found almost every way a person could sit in a chair as Richie can’t keep still for one minute. Eddie had to try really hard not to jump with joy when he saw Richie, he wanted to be upset, and he wanted Richie to feel bad for leaving. Which Eddie felt bad for, he knew it was probably shitty, and mean. But he felt abandoned, Richie left and didn’t even tell Eddie goodbye. 

The first three periods ended and Eddie hadn’t spoken a word the entire time even with Richie in every one of his classes. It was lunch now, and Eddie and Richie sat across each other in the loser’s circle. The entire flow of the group was off, Richie still tried to make jokes but they fell flat, Eddie had ranted about nothing the entire time. The rest of the group was uncomfortable, too say the least. They opted for seperate conversations instead, Richie would glance at Eddie, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. Eddie had ignored it, and tried to talk to Ben and Beverly but had been third wheeling  _ hard _ . And Richie also was, although Stan, Bill, and Mike aren’t dating. (Yet.) Eddie had been surrounded by PDA by the loser’s and without Richie, it drove him crazy. He desperately wanted to have a relationship like Ben and Beverly had but with Richie. Eddie ogled Richie from across the circle, Richie was wearing a black tank top, with a white logo from a band Eddie didn’t know of. Eddie  _ would _ scold him for wearing black on a hot day but he wasn’t gonna give in to his need to talk to Richie. He had his typical hawaiian shirt over it, it was light blue, with little sail boats and flowers scattered across it. The shirt fell halfway down his arms but he didn’t bother to fix it, exposing his slender freckled shoulders, it made him look like he didn’t care, which was true. But he also could get sunburn if he forgot to put on sunscreen, which was something that happened all the time, and another thing Eddie wanted to tell him off for. Richie was wearing khaki shorts, they didn’t match the rest of his outfit very well, but even Richie’s horrid fashion made him blush. Eddie’s eyes moved up to Richie’s jawline, god, did he have an amazing jaw. It was sharp and strong, it suited his face very well, all of his face felt like a perfectly placed puzzle. All the pieces combined into something amazing to look at. Eddie remembered when Richie had the softest face known to man, Eddie looked less of a baby than him when they were in seventh grade, but Richie  _ really grew  _ into his features. Now when they stand side by side Richie looks like a roman statue and Eddie felt like he looked like a baby. Richie caught Eddie’s gaze, a small hint of hope filled Richie’s eyes before Eddie turned away, continuing to ignore him.

The rest of the day they continued to not speak to each other, Richie felt terrible, of course Eddie would be upset with him. He had left for his Uncle’s without telling Eddie goodbye. The gang was at the quarry, Eddie had said nothing the entire time, and decided not to swim. Instead he was reading a comic at the edge, trying not to watch Richie undress to his underwear. Richie was chatting with Stan, who didn’t seem to be interested in his banter at the moment. Richie had been ignored pretty much the whole day, and while he didn’t expect Stan to be responsive to his jokes, it still hurt. Richie glanced over at Eddie, who was peaking over the comic pages to stare at him. 

“Liking what you see, Eds?” Richie smirked.

“No, I’m just overwhelmed with disgust by how boney you are.” Eddie sneered, his brows were furrowed as usual when Richie was pissing him off. 

“Boney in which places, Kaspbrak? Do you care to show me?” Richie struck a pose with his hand on his hip and a hand in his hair. 

“UGH! Why do you have to be such a fucking dick sometimes! You come back to Derry after leaving for two months, and act like nothing happened!” Eddie blew up out of nowhere, he was flushed pink due to Richie’s earlier comment but you could tell he was already on the edge of anger. Richie felt his eyes get watery, but held them back. He hated being yelled at, especially for something he had no control over. Richie, too, was upset. 

“I had to leave! I didn’t have a choice!” 

“Well you could’ve at least  _ told  _ me! I thought you were upset with me because of what happened that night!” Eddie yelled, the rest of the gang just watched from afar, all taken aback. Mike stood up, ready to stop the argument. 

“That has NOTHING to do with it-” 

“Richie, Eddie, stop.” Mike said as he stepped in between them, he had his hands on each of their shoulders. “Since you two are being unreasonable and not listening to each other, I think it would be a good idea that you both stay up here and work this out.” Mike said calmly, “Your quarreling is ruining everyone else’s day, OK? You both can jump into the quarry when you sort out your feelings.” Eddie had opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. He let out a huff as everyone else but Richie jumped into the quarry. Eddie sat himself in his seat from earlier, sticking his nose back into his comic. Richie sat across from him, their knees touching. Richie pouted at Eddie, and bit his nails. 

“I… Eds-”

“Why did you have to leave?” Eddie asked, violently putting his comic down and crossing his arms. Eddie’s brown eyes stared down Richie, begging for a response. 

“My dad made me leave a month early, he texted me that morning saying I had to leave.” Eddie’s expression went from anger to soft realization, Eddie knew a little bit about how Richie’s dad treated him, he helped with the wounds, after all. Richie would always lie and say it was Bowers but Eddie always knew. Eddie looked guilty, his eyebrows drew up in concern. 

“Richie, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have been mad…” Eddie sniffed, tears pooled in his eyes. “I just thought that you were mad at me, and I did something wrong.” Richie sighed and took Eddie’s hand.

“Nah, I only get mad when you accuse me of ever leaving you.” Richie said with a smile, Eddie laughed a little. But that led to more tears falling down his cheeks. “Hey…” Richie wiped away the tears and cupped Eddie’s cheek. “It’s OK, I probably should’ve told you before I left but I didn’t wanna wake you up. You were sleeping like a baby.” 

“No no, it’s OK. I get it.” Eddie leaned into Richie’s hand. “I just missed you really bad, summer fucking sucked.” A laugh fell out of Eddie’s mouth. 

“I know, a Richieless world is a terrible one, right?” Richie laughed, “C’mere.” He pulled Eddie into his chest. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie and Richie could feel Eddie smile on his bare chest. “Wanna go to the quarry now instead of pout up here?” Richie asked.

“Yeah…” Eddie said while clearing his throat. 

“Then get your clothes off handsome! We have people to beat in chicken fight!” Eddie giggled and stood up. He started to take off his shirt when Richie interrupted. “Gimme a show, Eds!” Richie smiled, Eddie took off his shirt and flung it into Richie’s face. 

“Don’t forget to take off your glasses, Trashmouth. We don’t want them to break like last time.” Eddie said while undressing. 

“That happened like, 4 years ago!”

“You should still be careful.” Eddie said while he dropped his shorts with the rest of his clothes. He turned around to Richie and took off his glasses. He gently put them on Richie’s pile of things while Richie held Eddie’s hand tight. “Let’s go,” Eddie led Richie to the edge of the rocks, Richie looked down into the water to see all his friends swimming around and splashing each other. He still felt heavy with emotion but it all faded away when he jumped off the cliff, Eddie by his side. They collided with the water and the cold was refreshing against Richie’s burning skin. He watched Eddie resurface and send him a small smile, making Richie’s insides feel like goo. Mike had swam over to them, he also had a smile filling his face. 

“You two work it out?” He asked. 

“Yeah, unless Eds has some secrets he’s hiding from me, I think we’re OK.” Richie laughed while Eddie slapped his arm. 

“Yeah right, Rich. Like I could ever hide anything from you.” Eddie and Beverly made eye contact, her seeming to know something Richie didn’t. He brushed it off hoping Eddie would tell him at some point. Bill floated next to Mike, a grin printed on his cheeks. 

“H-h-how was your u-uncle’s, Richie?” Bill asked, he had a hand rested on Mike’s shoulder. 

“Oh yanno, developed a nicotine addiction, drove my cousin’s truck around in an empty parking lot, convinced a truck driver to buy me and my cousins a pack of Four Loco. Nothin’ new.” Richie smiled, he could feel Eddie steam with disappointment next to him. 

“Welcome to the club, Rich!” Beverly said and high fived Richie. Both knew that it was nothing to celebrate, but neither of them wanted to ruin the mood. Richie still felt like something between him and Eddie wasn’t resolved, he had no idea what. He thought his crush on Eddie dwindled over the two months they were separated, but seeing Eddie again was like being shot right in the heart with a cupid’s bow. He knew at some point he would have to tell Eddie, he couldn’t keep it away forever, and lying about having a crush on someone else felt immoral. Richie both wanted to tell Eddie, and hide it away and keep their friendship. But with each year his crush on Eddie felt even more unbearable, there had been times when him and Eddie were out together and he felt like his time was  _ now _ and there couldn’t be a better situation, but he always managed to convince himself out of it. Richie wanted to just focus on Eddie right now, he was able to touch him and joke with him again. Richie turned to Eddie, who had been contemplating something in his head, he splashed the other boy, some water getting into his mouth. Eddie’s mouth turned into a small o shape, offended. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Eddie scowled while spitting some water out of his mouth. 

“What’re you gonna do about it, Eds?” Richie teased, he pulled a sly grin and waited for Eddie’s response. He splashed back, the water getting in his eyes. 

“You’re dead, Tozier!” Eddie laughed and lunged onto Richie, clinging to his shoulders. Richie let Eddie get a jump in, but he picked Eddie up by the sides and lifted him in the air, only his legs in the water. “What the hell?” Eddie was wondered by Richie’s strength, while Richie was able to lift Eddie up before, he was never able to lift him like this.

“You wanna know something else that I did over the summer?” Richie asked.

“What?” Eddie said as he tried to wriggle his way out of Richie’s hands.

“Get super jacked.” Richie laughed, 

“Doesn’t look like it to me!” Eddie said with a smug look on his face.

“You just don’t wanna admit that you like that I can pick you up easily.” 

“NO! Just put me down!”

“Not until the chicken fight is over, Eds. We need to beat Beverly and Ben for beating us last year.” Richie moved Eddie to his shoulders, a shiver running down his spine from the cold water on Eddie. Richie and Eddie turned to face their opponents, both ready and glaring at the pair. Bill always refereed the fights, as he didn’t like playing and prefered to watch. The two pairs set up, Eddie and Beverly hands held tight at the ready.

“O-OK, on three. One… t-two… three! G-go!” Bill yelled, and they were off. Beverly and Eddie both wrestled at the top, struggling to maintain balance. Eddie had been on the winning side, as Ben’s lock on Beverly’s legs had been off put by Eddie. 

“I won’t let you beat me this time, Beverly.” Eddie taunted.

“Oh yeah? Because from what I can tell, you’re more paying attention to how Richie is holding your legs than winning.” She said quietly, so Richie couldn’t hear her. Her comment diverted his attention, Eddie was definitely noticing that now but no thanks to Beverly. Richie’s fingers gripped Eddie’s calves both gently and firm, a touch he hadn’t gotten from Richie before. It felt a lot different than before since his journey on figuring out his feelings for the other boy. Eddie flushed pink, his mind delving deeper before him and Richie toppled over. Beverly screamed in celebration while Bill lifted her arm in the air, signalling her and Ben’s win. Eddie resurfaced, glaring in Bev’s direction. She just smiled and continued excitedly chatting with Ben. Richie came back up as well, a hand rested on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“She really got you, huh?” Richie laughed.

“She cheated!”

“Don’t just say you cheated because you lost to her again, her and Ben won fair and square.” 

“She taunted me!” Eddie said with a pout. 

“What did she say that was so off putting?” Richie asked. 

“...I don’t know.” Eddie shied away from Richie. 

“It’s OK we lost, we just owe them a milkshake. Just a few bucks, Eds.” Richie winked and wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie sighed and leaned into it. 

“Yeah, I guess. I was just really craving a milkshake today.” 

“I can buy you one too, if you want.” 

“You don’t have to, Rich, you don’t need to spend money on me.” Eddie looked up at Richie with a small frown. 

“Well too bad! I’ve already made up my mind. You’re letting me have a few sips, though.” He grinned.

“I know even if I tried I couldn’t talk you out of this, so fine.” Eddie rolled his eyes, also grinning. “Do you know how much longer we’ll be here before we head to the diner?” He asked. 

“No, but I’m sure everyone will be more than happy to leave early to stuff their faces with food. I know I would be.” Richie looked over to Bill, who was chatting with Beverly. “Bill? Are we gonna leave soon? Eddie’s getting grumpy ‘cause he’s hungry!” Richie laughed while Eddie smacked his arm. Bill and Bev giggled from afar. 

“I’m not grumpy! I’m not a toddler.” 

“Awww, you’re so cute when you’re being a brat. I saw you didn’t eat lunch today, Eddie baby.” Richie squished Eddie’s face with one hand, cooing at him. 

“Stop!” Eddie protested and tried pushing Richie away. 

“To answer your question, Rich, I think we’re gonna head out in a few.” Bill yelled before checking in on the rest of the loser’s to see if they’re ready to go. Eddie and Richie quarreled on the way out the quarry, both of them play fighting and laughing. Eddie was enjoying touching Richie, he always had nice skin, and he had freckles spread across his shoulders from the heat on his uncle’s farm. Eddie couldn’t help but worry Richie didn’t wear sunscreen, he really didn’t need Richie getting skin cancer. When they reached the spot with their clothes, Eddie started to put his shorts on and when he turned to grab his shirt he saw Richie holding it up in the air, a challenging look in his eyes. 

“Rich, give it back.” He said with a stern tone, but with no effect on Richie’s challenge. 

“Come and get it, Eds.” He waved the shirt in the air, taunting him. Eddie, instead of trying to take his shirt back, picked up the tank top Richie had been wearing. He slid it on and tucked it into his shorts, it was still baggy on him even with it tucked in. Richie didn’t stop him, but just stared, Eddie couldn’t help but feel self conscious. But he wasn’t going to let it get to him. Eddie continued to pick up his stuff acting like he didn’t just steal Richie’s shirt. Richie snapped out of his trance and put on Eddie’s shirt, which was a little tight on him even though it was one of Eddie’s bigger shirts. Richie also put on his baby blue hawaiian shirt over it, and slid his shorts back on. 

“Now I look like a dad, Eds.” 

“Nah, you would need socks and sandals to actually look like one.” Eddie smiled as he put his socks back on. Richie was wearing sneakers without socks, which ticked Eddie off to the utmost degree but he didn’t bother pestering him about it. Eddie took a whiff of Richie’s tank top, it smelled of cigarettes, he would have to remind Richie to trade their shirts back before they went home. Richie seemed amused that Eddie smelled his shirt. “What?”

“Does my shirt smell good?” Richie smiled. 

“No, it stinks of a campfire. I can’t believe you started smoking cigarettes- did health class teach you nothing?” 

“It did, and I know it’s bad but yanno, I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” Richie laughed, Eddie couldn’t laugh at what Richie said.

“Rich, don’t say that.” Eddie said with a small frown. 

“Why? It’s true-” 

“I need you here for a long time.” Eddie had stood up and walked over to Richie. Eddie held his hand gently, looking up at him, trying to communicate to him he needs Richie here. He wanted Richie to know he cared. 

“Eddie…” Richie’s eyebrows pulled together in concern. Eddie suddenly felt awkward, he felt like he messed up. He wished he could soak up all of Richie’s sadness, maybe Eddie was looking into what Richie said too deeply- it was a joke. But something in Richie’s voice sounded raw and emotional.

“I’m… I’m sorry you feel like that.” Eddie said quietly, Richie had his mouth open, unable to find words. “I can’t wait until we can leave Derry.” Richie managed to nod in agreement. Eddie was going to continue their conversation, but then Bill and everyone else showed up. 

“H-Hey, you two r-ready to head o-out?” Bill asked. Richie and Eddie nodded. 

Eddie was finally home after a really, really long day. Him and Richie shared a milkshake while paying for Ben and Beverly’s. The group had shared a frisbee size plate of fries in one of the circle booths. It was nice, everything felt normal, he felt great. Him and Richie were back on good terms and he managed to not feel disgusting after sitting in a diner booth. But his good feeling had washed away by the time he got home, he dreaded seeing his mother. She had been tolerable lately, letting him leave the house when he felt like it, and not prying for too many details about where he was going. While she did ground him for a week because he saw Beverly over the summer, it wasn’t the worst. He was allowed to call people on the home phone. (He wished his mother would let him use his phone for anything but contacting her.) As soon as Eddie entered his home, he swerved to the living room to greet his mother. 

“Hi Ma,” Eddie greeted. 

“Hello Eddie-bear, how was school today?” She said as she stared into the TV. 

“It was OK, I hung out with Stan after school.” Eddie said while he seated himself on the living chair next to her. 

“Were you two safe? Clean? Did you put on sunscreen before going outside?” She questioned, she glanced at him while taking a sip of her tea. 

“Yes Ma, I always do.” Eddie lied, luckily Richie had taught him how to lie well. 

“That’s good, you’ve taken your pills, right?” 

“Mhm.” Eddie twiddled his thumbs.

“OK,” 

“I’m gonna go work on homework…” Eddie stood up, ready to book it to his room before his mother grabbed his hand. Eddie sighed, leaning down to kiss her cheek. But before he could, his mother’s grip on his hand tightened, her flinching away. 

“Why do you smell like cigarettes? And whose top is this?” She asked, pulling on the tank top’s strap to smell it. “Have you been smoking?!” She yelled, she glared at Eddie, who was too scared to say anything. Eddie had completely forgotten to switch their shirts before they left. Before Eddie could say any explanation the shirt had been taken off of him and thrown into the trash. “Who’s shirt is this? Tell me, I know that you would never smoke, you’re smart enough to know that!” She yelled.   
“I-I don’t know…” 

“I know you do, spit it out!” She roared. 

“It’s Richie’s! My shirt got a stain on it and he let me wear his!” Eddie blurted out another lie. His mother stomped towards him, her face filled with an anger Eddie had constantly feared his whole life. This happened whenever he hung out with anyone other than Stan or Ben. 

“How many times have I told you to not be near that boy! He is a stain on society! First he tries to corrupt you with rude words and crude actions and now he is scarring my sweet Eddie-bear with cigarettes?!” She towered over Eddie, “I’ve even heard he’s a faggot, he’s infecting you, sweetheart! He’s like that Marsh girl! I can’t have you seduced by these awful people… why don’t you hang out with Stan more? He’s a good boy.” Eddie was boiling, his face was hot with anger. First, she throws Richie’s shirt in the trash, then calls him a ‘stain on society’, then says Richie is infecting him. Eddie tried hard to maintain his composure, as much as he wanted to blow up in her face, and make her feel awful, he knew he only had to live like this for a couple more years. Soon him and Richie can leave. Guilt washed over him, he always knew his mother was homophobic, but hearing her insult Richie like that because he is gay felt more like a direct attack to him now since he’s figured himself out. His mother cooed him and held his cheek in her hands, they were cold like ice cubes and he flinched to the touch, they weren’t warm and comforting like Richie’s. Eddie pulled himself away and stormed to his room. He slammed the door shut behind him and collapsed on his bed, face planted in the pillow. His mother yelled something about dinner but he ignored it, opting to cover his ears with his blankets. 

“I fucking hate her.”

Richie had made his way to Eddie’s window, lightly tapping the glass with his fingers. Eddie drowsily walked up to the window and opened it for him. Richie slid through and brushed himself off of the leaves and dirt collected on his way up. He looked to Eddie, who looked like a wreck. His hair was a mess, the hairspray he uses making it stick up in all directions. He had tear tracks down his cheeks, and his eyes were bloodshot. Richie pulled Eddie in for a hug, sometimes Richie would come in late at night to Eddie like this, he always looked like a mess after his mother yelled at him. Richie cradled the back of Eddie’s head, he felt him sigh against his chest. 

“What happened this time?” Richie asked, still holding Eddie to his chest. 

“We forgot to switch shirts before we went home, and she smelled the cigarettes.” Eddie mumbled, his voice squeaky. “And she got mad that I was wearing your shirt, and called you- y-you-” Eddie stumbled with his words, sobs seeping out of him. “She said you were a stain on society, and that you were corrupting me… she said… yo-you were a fag.” Eddie’s words fell from his mouth, Richie held him tighter. Richie wanted to slap Sonia so bad. 

“Well luckily I’m not looking for her approval, Eds.” Richie grumbled, trying not to sound upset. 

“She threw your tank top in the trash, and it’s probably ruined.” Eddie gripped Richie’s shoulders. “I’ll buy you a ne-new one I promise!” 

“Eddie…” Richie hated when Sonia made Eddie feel like this, like it was all his fault. All Richie wanted to say was  _ I love you, I love you, I love you. She doesn’t, she shouldn’t be making you cry like this. _ But Richie couldn’t find the words in his throat. “Please don’t buy me a new shirt, it’s OK.” Richie rubbed Eddie’s back. “You shouldn’t cry about something she said about me, it isn’t directed at you.” 

“Yes it is.” Eddie pulled away, wiping some tears from his cheeks. “I’m pretty sure I’m gay, Rich.” Eddie spoke with more sobs, Richie was shocked about his transparency. He really wished he could say  _ That’s cool, I’m proud of you Eddie. By the way, I’ve been in love with you this whole time! _ But he knew it would be inappropriate. 

“I- shit, Eddie I’m so fucking sorry.” Richie could feel some tears come in, he knew how much it hurt having a homphobic parent, his dad was the prime example of a homophobic douchebag. Richie hugged Eddie again, nuzzling his face in Eddie’s mess of hair. Richie had no idea why Eddie felt that right now was the moment to come out to him, but he wasn’t gonna judge. They hugged for a while, to Richie it felt like hours. He shed a few tears, while Eddie sniffled. Today had been a lot for the two of them. “I wish I could give you a new mom.” 

“I don’t know if I want that or not…” Eddie said, his voice less broken than before. “It’s awful but… I still love her. She’s my mom, sometimes she’ll make me feel loved. Like I’ll have a bad day at school and she’ll comfort me when I cry. But more often than not she treats me like shit.” Eddie nuzzled himself into Richie’s chest. “I just really wish she was good to me all the time, you know? She was so much nicer before dad died…” Richie remembered when Eddie’s dad died. 

It was when they were in first grade, and Eddie had shown up to school as usual, nothing was wrong. First grade was also when Mrs. K still thought Richie was a good influence. They were eating lunch together along with Bill and Stan. They all were digging into the pizza they only served on Wednesdays in the cafeteria, except for Eddie, he only liked uncrustables. Richie had stolen a few sips of Bill’s caprisun and ate a small tangerine off of Eddie’s lunch tray. Eddie was happily chatting to Stan about a comic book they both had read during silent reading, but then one of the teachers had approached Eddie, asking him to go with them. Eddie made Richie promise to save his lunch for when he came back. All of lunch Richie had been waiting for Eddie to come back, to finish eating his lunch, but he never did. Richie grabbed a sandwich baggy from one of the lunch ladies and put Eddie’s half eaten uncrustable in it, thinking maybe he would be back during their music class- he didn’t. By the end of the day Richie decided to put the baggy in his fridge at home and bring it to school tomorrow, and while he was placing it on the second shelf of the fridge, his mother got a phone call. She paced around the kitchen island, concern washing over her voice. When she hung up the phone she sat Richie down and told him what happened, and that Eddie might not be able to see anyone for a while. 

Eddie didn’t go to school for a month, and when he came back he was different. He didn’t wear graphic t-shirts anymore, only polos with simple colors. When Richie had seen him again, he tried to give Eddie an uncrustable, but he said no. Richie didn’t understand why Eddie didn’t want his favorite food, but he tried very hard to cheer Eddie up, he got a few laughs here and there, but Eddie had changed. And soon Richie wasn’t allowed to sleepover at Eddie’s anymore.

“I wish I could give you an uncrustable to make you feel better.” Richie said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Eddie sighed, a small, sad grin forming on his face.

“You know I don’t like them anymore, Rich.” 

“But it would be nice, right? Eating your childhood favorite food is always nice.”

“Uncrustables aren’t a very nice childhood food I’d like to eat, even if it’s nostalgic.” Eddie let out a small laugh.

“Whatever, I’ll be over here stuffing my face with cafeteria pizza.” Richie laughed, Eddie giggled quietly before falling back onto his bed. He covered his face with his hands and let out a long sigh. Richie curled up next to the boy, he pulled a hand away from Eddie’s face and held it tight. “I really am sorry though, Eddie. I wish I could make all of this go away.” Eddie turned to his side to meet his gaze, he held Richie’s hand with just as much grip. They looked at each other, one expecting the other to say something but just being left with empty silence. Eddie took his other hand and tucked some of Richie’s hair behind his ear. 

“You need a haircut.” He said, pushing more of Richie’s hair out of his face. 

“Well, my dad is gone again so maybe my mom will be able to open the ‘Tozier Salon’ once more.” Richie said with a smile, his smile seemed to infect Eddie too. “But I’m kinda enjoying having it longer, I wanna start tying it up or something.” 

“You’ll look ridiculous.” 

“I know you’ll think I’m just the pinnacle of sexiness, Eds.” Richie winked at Eddie, who was unresponsive to his flirting. “Your everlasting crush on me since we were kids would always make me hot in your eyes.” Eddie flinched a little at the statement, he let out an awkward laugh before pulling a blanket over him. 

“We should sleep, we have school.” Eddie threw the blanket over Richie too.

“OK.” 

  
  


They were already a week into school and Eddie could tell he was gonna have a rough time trying not to ogle Richie this school year. That comment Richie made a week ago threw him off guard, it was like he was a mind reader or something. Richie also started putting his hair into a small bun at the back of his head, with small strands falling in his eyes. It drove Eddie mad, he wanted to pull out that stupid hair tie and get his fingers tangled up in Richie’s dreadful locks. Many things Eddie found attractive on Richie he would hate on anyone else, he knew Richie’s hair was greasy but he  _ liked  _ it. The hawaiian shirts Richie wears are horrendous and the worst thing to be found in fashion but Richie looks good in it, and Eddie had a hard time telling if he genuinely didn’t like the way Richie looked or it was just gay self denial. He knew it was gay self denial, but he liked to think maybe there was still a small chance to dig himself out of this pit of having a crush on Richie. 

Eddie and Richie were staying the night at Stan’s, Eddie needed to be more careful about spending time with Richie now due to his mother’s prying. Stan didn’t mind, he said he kinda missed watching the two of them create chaos around his room. Eddie, Richie, and Stan had all known each other since preschool. They had a weird childhood bond and knew almost everything about each other. They had only met Bill during second grade and met everyone else in fifth grade. The three boys grew a bit apart when eighth grade hit, due to them all having identity issues and just changing as people. But tonight Eddie was hoping that him, Richie, and Stan could bond again. He missed the small trio they were when they were younger. 

Eddie lightly knocked on the Uris residence’s door while Richie screamed at Stan’s bedroom window. 

“Stan! Open the door! Me and Eddie are about to become a pile of melted flesh on your doorstep if you don’t get down here!” Stan opened his window, glaring down at Richie. 

“You better be glad my parents aren’t home Richie, they wouldn’t be glad to have heard that.” 

“Well I think they would’ve rather heard me say that then have to explain to the police why there’s human sauce on their doorstep.” Richie grinned up at Stan who had already left for the door. Eddie internally cringed at Richie’s awful description and waited for the door to open. Richie strolled back to the front door, he rested his chin on Eddie’s head. Eddie was secretly studying Richie the whole walk over. His hair was in a terribly messy bun atop his head, but messy in a way that was charming. The sunsets that came with September soaked Richie in a beautiful orange glow, the bright turquoise hawaiian shirt Richie wore that day was more of an earthy green in this lighting. God, Richie took up every bit of Eddie’s brain. Eddie sighed while the door swung open, revealing Stan who was still unamused by Richie’s joke from before. “Stan the man!”

“Richard Tozier.” Stan moved to the side of the doorframe to let the boys in. Richie was already halfway up the stairs to Stan’s room, while Eddie and Stan followed slowly behind.   
“Sorry for him Stan, you know how he is.” 

“Don’t apologize for him, I don’t mind. I missed his awful sense of humor.” Stan smiled at Eddie. The two reached Stan’s room and saw Richie already messing around with things he probably shouldn’t touch, Stan quickly grabbed whatever Richie picked up and put it back to its original spot. Eddie situated himself on the carpeted floor, leaning against Stan’s bed frame. Richie shook his hands in the air, a jingle coming from the ugly bracelets he’s started to wear. “Honestly Richie, I should’ve kept you locked out the house.”

“Already regret having me over Staniel? You break my poor heart!” Richie dramatically collapsed on the floor, his head dropping into Eddie’s lap. Eddie instinctively held Richie’s face, and messed with the hair that’s fallen out of his bun. “At least Eddie spaghetti loves me…” Richie sighed and leaned into Eddie’s touch. Eddie giggled and made eye contact with Stan, who seemed to know what was going through Eddie’s head.  _ Richie’s hair is really soft, he must’ve showered today. Thank god. I wanna play with his hair all the time, and he looks so cute right now. Jesus Christ.  _ Stan just smiled and sat himself on the floor with the two of them. Richie kicked off his converse and proudly showed off his mismatched car socks. 

“Stop showing off your stinky feet, Trashmouth. You’re gonna make my whole house smell like a dumpster fire.” Stan said with a sly grin on his face. 

“Fuck off, Stan! They aren’t stinky, right Eds?” 

“I dunno Richie, they smell pretty bad to me.” Eddie smiled while Richie fake sobbed into his hands. 

“Betrayed by my own friends! I cannot believe this…” Richie giggled between words and burst out laughing. Eddie couldn’t help but laugh with him, his laugh was infectious. Stan smiled and reached for his phone, taking a video of Richie losing it over his own joke while laying in Eddie’s lap. He sent the video to a group chat with all the loser’s in it. 

“You’re fuckin’ nuts, Richie.” Stan finally spoke, “That wasn’t even that funny.”

“Well, Eds laughed. That’s all that matters.” Stan rolled his eyes and reached for a book on his shelf. It was big and seemed packed to the brim with notes and pictures. 

“I have something that’s actually funny-” Stan pulled out a photo of Eddie, Richie, and Stan all sharing a bath together. Eddie’s face burned and he overflowed with embarrassment. 

“Stan! Why did you have to dig that back up again?” Eddie groaned and glared at Stan who had an amused smile spread across his face.

“Eddie is just as cute as he was in that picture! Still the same round face.” Richie grabbed the photo from Stan and looked at it adoringly. Eddie blushed and looked away from the photo Richie tried to shove in his face. “Gosh darn Eddie spaghetti- you sure were a cutie patootie!” Richie said in his farm boy impression. 

“Agreed.” Stan said, putting the photo back into it’s slide. Stan placed the chunky book next to him, done looking for now. “You two wanna play mario kart?” The boys nodded and headed to the living room. 

A while later Stan’s parents came back home with a couple of pizza boxes in hand and a giant bottle of Sprite. The pizza was gone in less than thirty minutes, all due to Richie’s blackhole of a stomach. It was getting pretty late, Stan’s parents had said goodnight quite a while ago. Eddie estimated it was maybe twelve AM. Stan was barely awake on the couch, while Richie was mumbling jokes that would get an occasional laugh from Stan and always get a laugh from Eddie. While Stan had himself situated on the couch, Eddie and Richie were together on the floor. Eddie had his head on the other boy’s lap, his hand playing with the nightmare that was Eddie’s hair. Richie seemed like he was anticipating something, like he needed someone else to talk or he would combust. His hands fiddled with Eddie’s hair, which he didn’t really mind, but he knew Richie was doing it out of a need for something. 

“We should play twenty questions!” Richie blurted out a little too loudly. Stan shushed him and groaned a little. “Please?” Richie pleaded, he knew Eddie wasn’t opposed but Stan seemed like he wasn’t in the mood. Stan sighed and sat up on the couch, clutching the wool blanket he had draped over him like it was his baby. 

“Fine, but nothing creepy, OK?” Stan stared Richie down, who was just happy he got Stan to comply. Richie turned himself more towards Stan, disturbing Eddie. Eddie moved his head back to Richie’s lap. “Are we playing  _ actual  _ twenty questions or Richie’s twenty questions where he just interrogates us? I need that established.” 

“My version as usual Staniel. And while as much as I love you, I’m gonna ask Eddie a question first.” Eddie looked up at Richie quizzically, as if he was surprised to be picked. 

“OK…” 

“Have you ever actually jacked off? You’re so pent up with rage you must not be relieving yourself, Eds.” Eddie felt a blush creep across his entire face, his reaction caused Stan to immediately get upset. 

“Hey! I said no creepy questions!” 

“ _ You _ said no creepy questions, Eddie never stated his opinion.” Richie said with a sly smile spread across his face, he looked down to Eddie, awaiting an answer. “Eds?” Eddie stayed silent, contemplating whether or not he wanted to answer the question.  _ Why is Richie asking ME this? It’s not out of character or anything- but the way he’s looking at me? I feel like I’m melting into a gay puddle onto the floor, messing up the Uris’ carpet. Ick.  _

“Um… I have… done that.” Eddie turned his gaze to the floor, avoiding any eye contact. Richie chuckled and continued to look at Eddie. 

“Thank you for your input, Eddie spaghetti.” Stan glared at Richie, “Now ask Stan a question, this is getting real awkward.” Richie leaned on the couch Stan was sitting on. Eddie sighed and looked at Stan. 

“OK Stan, how’s the situation with Mike and Bill going? I remember you gushing to them about me last summer, I never got an update.” Eddie asked, Richie looked at Stan expectantly. Stan had a dash of pink across his cheeks but didn’t crumble underneath his feelings like Eddie did. Stanley cleared his throat.

“Uh, hehe, we might… be… sort of dating…? I don’t really know how to describe it honestly…” 

“Oh well OK! You have to give us the scoop, Stanley the manly.” 

“Richie that’s worse than the other nickname, I don’t want another one please.” 

“I won’t call you that if you tell me how the threesome went.” Stan grumbled behind the hand covering his face. 

“You disgust me, Rich.” 

“I know you love it!” Richie smiled innocently at Stan, Eddie couldn’t help but laugh.

“Anyways, I’ll tell you.” Stan sighed adoringly, his face brimming with excitement. “OK, so me and Mike were staying at Bill’s, nothing really new, right? I think we were playing truth or dare, none of us were willing to pick dare though. So it was just truth or truth at that point, yanno?” Stan paused, “It was getting pretty late and we were drowsy, it was the 3 AM feelings hour. Me and Bill were resting our heads in Mike’s lap… talking about nothing, honestly. At some point Bill started to be pretty emotional, he was talking about how much he cared about us and how scared he was to lose Mike and I. Bill did his normal leadership speech about he feels really connected to us and whatever, it got me and Mike a little gushy.” Stan smiled to himself. 

“Get on with it! I need to know the ending.” Eddie exclaimed, he just wanted to know if they kissed or not.

“Um, well after Bill’s thing Mike admitted his feelings, then me, then Bill. Mike immediately pulled us into a cuddle pile, kissing us all over our faces and making me and Bill laugh like crazy. After that we passed out on Bill’s bedroom floor, we haven’t properly discussed the whole thing yet but we’re closer than ever…” Stan smiled and a blush covered his entire face. Richie clapped politely, a cute grin planted on his cheeks.   
“I’m happy for you, Stan.” Eddie said, he couldn’t help but feel happy for him. 

“Yeah, I suspected y’all would be a thing from the beginning.” Richie stated matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah right, dickwad. Just be happy for me for once.” Stan glared at Richie.

“I am happy for you though, Bill and Mike better treat you like a princess or I’m gonna be out for blood.” Richie laughed and moved his hand into Eddie’s hair, playing with the tangled locks between his fingers. Eddie sighed and leaned into his hand. Stan yawned and sat up. He stretched his arms and stood on his feet, the blanket he clung to dropping on the floor. 

“I’m getting tired, I’m gonna head up to my room to get some hours in. I’ll set up the air mattress for when you two are ready to sleep.” Stan waved them off and headed up to his room. Now Eddie and Richie lay on the floor together, the buzzing of the air conditioner filling the silence in the air. 

“Well Eds, I dunno about you but I’m gonna grab a coke from the fridge, the night’s still young.” 

“Richie we need to sleep, it’s like 12:30!” Eddie protested, mainly because he didn’t want Richie to get up, he was thoroughly enjoying using Richie’s thighs as a pillow. 

“You can sleep by yourself!” Richie said, sliding away from Eddie’s grasp. He headed over to the kitchen that was right across the room. 

“You know I can’t Rich…” Eddie mumbled while he watched Richie pop open a can of coke. Richie wandered over to Eddie, who had sat himself on the counter opposite the fridge. Richie stood next to Eddie, one hand holding his drink and the other rested on Eddie’s knee. Eddie watched as the other boy took a gulp, his adam’s apple bobbing. Richie met Eddie’s gaze while he moved himself in front of Eddie, his arms out for a hug. Eddie accepted, Richie moved himself in between the boy’s legs, squeezing him tight. When he pulled away he didn’t move away, opting to stay  _ that close _ to Eddie. He swore he could almost smell the sweet soda from Richie’s mouth. He took another sip while moving his free hand up to Eddie’s thigh, Eddie shivered and let out a squeak. Richie laughed. 

“Want a sip? Since you’re staying up with me.” Richie asked, holding the drink up to Eddie. 

“Y-yeah sure.” Eddie grabbed the can and took a long sip. He put the can on the counter, looking into Richie’s eyes. He had a smirk glued on, and his eyes were wine dark. Eddie was trying very hard to keep the eye contact, he didn’t want to lose this unspoken game he thought was established. Richie moved his other hand to hold Eddie’s side, making him twitch. Eddie moved his hand to hold Richie’s bicep, a bold move that seemed to hinder Richie a little. Eddie held Richie’s hand that was planted on his thigh, Richie’s eyebrows drew up a bit, he seemed a little weakened. Eddie couldn’t help but want to kiss him, but he also desperately wanted to win whatever game they were playing. Richie was somehow still holding eye contact, Eddie leaned his face closer. Richie’s mouth hung open and before Eddie knew it Richie blinked and pulled away a little. “R-rich?” Eddie stuttered out before the other boy pulled away, panic flashing across his face. 

“I-I… I need a smoke!” Richie had said before he headed for Stan’s back porch. 

Richie had scrambled to open Stan’s backdoor, hoping Eddie wouldn’t go after him. Richie slid the door behind him, he was blushing heavily. He covered his mouth with his cold hand, in shock from what him and Eddie just did.  _ What the HELL was that? I should’ve moved away after that hug but I’m not gonna complain. Fuck. I swear he was looking at me in some kinda way- I don’t know! I think he leaned into me?! Did he want to KISS me? Oh my fucking god, why did I fucking leave? Curse me and my stupid body. Fuck.  _ Richie sighed and took in the Uris’ backyard. Richie was standing on a pinewood porch that had a porch swing hooked to the house. The backyard was a little bit of a mess, the grass looked like it hadn’t been mown in quite a while, and dandelions grew from the soil. A giant tree stood in the corner, one that had been there since Richie was little, he remembered climbing it with Stan while Eddie watched from below, telling them to be careful not to fall. Richie laughed to himself, remembering how scrunched up Eddie’s face was. Richie carefully pulled out his carton of cigs, slipping one into his palm. He hid the box back into the pocket of his hawaiian shirt and lit the cigarette on his lips. He took a deep breath in, the sweet, comforting burn filling his lungs in a coat of warmth. He released the smoke from his lungs and rubbed his eyes, he still feels tired despite drinking half a can of caffeinated soda. He wasn’t even sure if Eddie finished it off. The backdoor opens behind him, speak of the devil.

“Hey.” Richie says with a wave, the cigarette hanging from his lips. 

“Hi…” Eddie waves back, he has the floor blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a shawl. Eddie was holding the coke can, he offered it to Richie after taking a sip. “You never finished it.” Richie smiled and took another drag.

“It’s OK, you finish it.” Eddie nodded and chugged down the rest. Eddie glanced at the cig dangling from Richie’s lips, a light in his eyes. “Can I…?” He asked, Richie knew what he meant.

“What happened to all the ‘Cigarettes are bad for you!’ talk, huh? I thought you hated these.” Richie pointed to the smoke. 

“I have to admit, it was a little stress relieving.” Eddie smiled, but it was empty. “I won’t though, as much as I’d like to I know it’s a bad habit. Forget I asked.” Eddie leaned towards Richie, a hand appearing from under the blanket to hold his. Richie took another drag and handed the smoke to Eddie, who took a small toke before handing it back. Eddie coughed a little with a smile. “I don’t think you’ve ever smoked in front of me before.” Richie raised an eyebrow, he did over the summer when the loser’s all snuck out. “Other than weed, I mean.” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“I know how much you hate the smell.” Richie put on an easy smile, he was trying really hard to forget what previously happened. 

“I beat you at that game.” Eddie stated, Richie had no idea what the smaller boy was talking about. “You’re  _ really bad _ at staring contests.” Oh, that’s what Eddie thought that was. He didn’t think Richie was being a horny perv trying to snatch a kiss, OK, he could work with that.

“I’ll beat you next time, you got lucky Kaspbrak.” Richie looked down at Eddie with a sly grin. 

“Yeah right, Tozier. You know I always win.” 

“Not at mario kart you don’t.” Richie shot back. 

“Well that’s different, you can cheat at mario kart.”

“Who says I was cheating? And who says you can’t cheat in a staring contest?” 

“Me.” Eddie said with a little smile. 

“Whatever, I’ll get you next time.” Eddie looked pleased, he continued to hold Richie’s hand tight, looking up above at the sky. Both the boys were quiet, Richie was fine with the silence, he got to take a look at Eddie. He looked really cute with that blanket, and clinged to it tightly to make sure it didn’t fall off his shoulders. Eddie’s hand was warm in his, unsurprisingly. Eddie was always warm, he wore warm colors, he had a warm smile, warm skin. Even underneath the cold September sky he pierced the air with his aura.  _ God that’s a cheesy line, stupid gay brain. _ Richie finished off the smoke and stomped it into the porch. Richie stood and stared at the all the stars above him. Since Derry was small, and didn’t have tall brightly lit buildings, you could see more stars at night. That’s one thing Richie liked about Derry, the night was always so gorgeous and freeing. Richie looked up at Stan’s house, specifically his window. Stan was looking outside too, he looked down to Richie and gave him a small smile, like he understood. 

“Can we go to sleep now, Rich?” Eddie yawned, “It’s cold out here.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Him and Eddie headed up to the air mattress that Stan set out for them, he was already knocked out in his bed by the time they got inside. Richie and Eddie snuggled underneath the comforter and fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

  
  


**Sophomore Year - October**

It was October 23rd, Eddie was making his way across town to meet up with RIchie, Ben, and Beverly, Richie had only told Eddie to meet them at the mall around noon. Eddie asked many questions, why they were going, what were they going to do, Richie had no answers, all he knew was that Bev wanted to see them. 

The cold autumn air glided against Eddie’s legs as he rode on his bike, he regretted wearing shorts today. He had a rough time adjusting to the colder seasons, he hated any clothing that clinged to his legs. The boy had a pit of anxiety at the bottom of his stomach, he was really nervous for some particular reason. Him and Richie kept having those ‘staring contests,’ or whatever they are. The last one Eddie lost, partially due to Richie squeezing his knee. This whole competition was entirely pointless but Eddie one, didn’t want to lose, and two, was very much enjoying making Richie ansy in his arms. Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about how Richie touched him, was it bad he was enjoying it? Eddie felt like he  _ should _ feel bad, but whenever Richie held him he would get a nice flutter of butterflies in his chest. Eddie stopped himself in front of the mall, and pushed away those thoughts in the back of his mind. 

“Ah, my dear, sweet spaghetti! How I missed you so!” Richie came running and pulled him in for an uncomfortable hug, Eddie was still on his bike and wobbled a bit. 

“Rich! Let go, I'm gonna fall!” 

“But I missed youuuu.” Richie said with a pout.

“You won’t see much more of me if you don’t let go, dumbass.” Eddie managed to shove Richie off and step off his bike. “Also, you saw me yesterday.” 

“Those hours away from you were torture, my love.” Richie said in a horrible womanly british accent. Eddie just sighed and locked his bike on the rack. He took a moment to observe what Richie was wearing today, it looked nicer than usual. He wore his typical hawaiian shirt but had a long sleeve black shirt underneath and a pair of dark blue jeans. The hawaiian shirt as usual clashed, but he looked a lot more put together. 

“Do you know where Bev and Ben are?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, they’re at the frozen yogurt place probably eating it from each other’s mouths.” 

“Gross, Rich-” Eddie said. “Why did you wait for me then? You could’ve gone up yourself.” 

“I didn’t want to be a third wheel, plus I didn’t want you to get lost.” Richie grinned.

“I know my way around this mall, I’ve been here before.”

“Sure Spaghetti, let’s just find them before they start fucking in the corner of a Barnes and Noble.” Richie chuckled while Eddie rolled his eyes. Richie hooked their arms and started leading them to wherever the two may be.

A while later they found the couple making goo goo eyes at each other at the frozen yogurt place near Cole's. Turns out neither Richie  _ or  _ Eddie knew their way around the mall. 

“I told you that you didn’t know your way around, Eds.” Richie teased.

“Richie, you were the one dragging me in the OPPOSITE direction of where they were! And you spent ten minutes trying to convince me to steal a choker from Hot Topic, you got us lost!” Eddie lightly shoved Richie while stomping over to the table their two friends sat at. 

“Eddie, you were the one who made me go into the Hot Topic in the first place. You’re equally as guilty of being bad at navigating malls than me.” Richie stated while following close behind Eddie. 

“Can you two keeps your traps shut for one minute? You two sound like you’re on the edge of a divorce and I’m not sure if the other patrons are really enjoying it.” Bev said with a sly smile, she scooped a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth and glanced over to the other couple sitting across the establishment. Eddie flushed at the divorce comment. 

“Why don’t you two share a bowl of frozen yogurt, as an apology to one another?” Ben suggested with a little smile tugging on his round face. Eddie grumbled under his breath and stood up, grabbing Richie to pull him towards the machines. 

“What are we getting, fuckface?” Eddie sighed. 

“How about chocolate cheesecake, that sound good to you SpaghEddio?” Richie asked while resting an arm across the other boy’s shoulders. 

“Ew, that sounds disgusting. Cheesecake is it’s own dessert, why put it into ANOTHER dessert? I’m not having that- what about banana? That sounds good.” Eddie suggested, Richie groaned dramatically. 

“Banana frozen yogurt? No thanks, I’d rather eat the actual fruit, if yanno what I mean, Eds.” Richie winked. At this point, Eddie was fuming. He wasn’t entirely pissed but god did Richie get on his nerves. He already dragged him across the entire mall and now is being dumb about frozen yogurt flavors. Eddie massaged his temples and glared at Richie, who had a stern look on his face. The two boys were stubborn, neither would back down unless they got their way or there was some sort of compromise made by someone else- but since Beverly and Ben didn’t normally handle these situations, it was up to one of the boys to back down. But it didn’t look too bright on either end, until Richie spoke. “Staring contest, whoever wins gets their flavor. Deal?” Eddie certainly wasn’t gonna back down, so he agreed. He was also in deep need of affection, but he wasn’t gonna let that slip. The two moved away from the machines and stood by the wall of the bathrooms. Eddie leaned against the wall while Richie stood in front of him, blinking over and over again to prepare himself. Eddie was a little too distracted to blink right now since he was taking in the height difference he and Richie had. Richie shot up like a beanstalk in eighth grade and now whenever they’re together Eddie can’t help but notice his long legs and slim frame. Eddie felt so short and stocky in comparison despite him being an average build. Richie almost loomed over him because of how tall he was. A part of Eddie hated it, but the other just wanted Richie to envelop him with his body. Eddie quickly wiped his thoughts away so he could blink a few times. He was ready. 

“OK Richie, ready? Three, two, one, go.” So it began. Richie stared into Eddie’s eyes with a casual smile and one of his hands in his jean pocket. Eddie was already blushing just from the fact that Richie was looking straight into his eyes. He didn’t know why he or Richie continued to put themselves through this stupid competition when it did almost no good for them. It always ends with one of them wiping tears from their eyes from how much they burned. Eddie tried to just focus in on Richie’s eye color. Eddie could easily win if he just let himself get lost in those eyes. Richie’s eyes were a lovely blue as he had observed many times before, in certain lighting they would be an almost sky blue, but in this dimly lit frozen yogurt place they were wine dark. It was a little hard to see his pupils. Eddie had barely noticed Richie pin his hand next to the wall Eddie’s head rested on, but continued to focus in. He wasn’t gonna lose against his wine-eyed crush again, he really wanted banana frozen yogurt and he wasn’t gonna give it up that easily. Eddie reached for the hand that was pinned to the wall, he held Richie’s wrist loosely. He rubbed small shapes into his skin and smiled shyly, trying to hold back the giddiness his heart was feeling. Eddie felt a hand on his hip. 

“You’re lookin’ a little blurry-eyed there Eds, need to blink?” Richie taunted. Eddie retaliated by pulling Richie a little closer by the collar of his shirt. 

“I think I’m OK Rich-” Eddie said in a whisper, “But you seem to be losing your grip a little.” Eddie could’ve sworn he heard Richie’s breath hitch but tried not to dwell on it. Richie looked incredibly serious, his eyebrows were drawn together. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a little hot while continuing the eye contact, Richie looked like he wanted to either punch or kiss him, Eddie’s cheeks were burning. Richie squeezed Eddie’s hip and Eddie basically collapsed and blinked until it looked like he had been crying. Richie pulled himself away with a laugh and wiped away some of his own tears. 

“I win! Get fucked Eds!” Eddie groaned and pushed Richie a little, now he was sexually frustrated and unable to have banana frozen yogurt. 

“Cheater.” Eddie grumbled. 

“What was that Eddie? I couldn’t hear you over the fact that I won!” Richie waved his arms in the air. Eddie looked over to Beverly and Ben who were both in shock over what they just saw. He completely forgot how intimate that looked.  _ Great, now I’m gonna have to explain what happened to Beverly. _ Eddie looked to Richie who was still celebrating his victory. 

“You’re paying Richie, I left my wallet at home.” Eddie stated and crossed his arms. 

“Whatever, I’ll gladly pay for a treat after that win.” Richie said, “I’m gonna go grab it, any toppings you want?” 

“If you don’t put strawberry slices or rainbow sprinkles on it I’m not touching it.” Richie nodded and headed to the machines. Eddie wandered back to the table where he was met with perplexed looks from both Ben and Beverly. Bev looked upset.

“OK, Eddie, we are going to the bathroom and you are gonna spill it all to me the second we hide in a stall. OK?” She stood up and Eddie followed. Ben didn’t seem to mind. He headed into the girl’s restroom and hid in the last stall with Bev. She locked the door and looked back to him. “Well?” She said, Eddie sighed and cleared his throat.

“So, this started last month. Me and Richie were staying over at Stan’s and we played a bit of twenty questions. It lasted like five minutes but I got the scoop on Stan, Mike, and Bill. Anyway-” Eddie continued to explain the situation to her, giving her every detail to fuel her matchmaker mind. Eddie finished his explanation with a sigh, he crossed his arms and avoided the stare he was getting from the girl. 

“OK so…” Beverly started, “Basically, you two keep giving each other bedroom eyes until the other chickens out? That doesn’t sound like Richie behaviour.” She put her finger up to her chin quizzically. 

“Well we normally tease each other like we do when we talk, just with this we’re staring at each other.” 

“You two are like feeling each other up the entire time that happens. And just watching you two made me feel your tension.” Beverly pulled out a sharpie and started doodling on the stall’s walls. “I seriously don’t understand how you cannot see Richie’s giant crush on you, it’s obvious.” Eddie fidgeted with the hem of his shirt while thinking-  _ Could Richie actually like me back? I mean all the jokes and affection must mean something. Some of the things he says must have truth behind it right? Oh god. _ Bev wrote  _ B + B forever  _ along with some crude doodles. 

“M-Maybe he does… but how would you know?” Eddie asked, Beverly looked at him with a mischievous grin. 

“Ben may have told me some things…” 

Richie had come back to the table to only find Ben there, scrolling through his phone. Richie took a spoonful of the frozen yogurt and only gagged a little- he got banana even though he won. He didn’t even really care about what flavor of yogurt they got, he just wanted to do their contest again. Ben put his phone back into his pocket and looked at the bowl. 

“Got banana anyway?” He asked with an innocent smile. 

“Yeah, I don’t wanna completely shove it in his face that I won.” Richie ate one of the strawberries. “Also he’s gonna be really happy when I show him I got it anyway.” Ben nodded. “Where did the other two go by the way?”

“Bathroom.” Ben said with a glint in his eye. He always had a certain face when he wanted to ask a personal question. Richie sighed. 

“What’s up?”

“What were you and Eddie doing over there? You two were… more close than usual.” Richie blushed and turned away. Him and Eddie had never done that with others around. 

“I- UH! It was just… a staring contest…” Richie fanned himself with the collar of his shirt, it was a little stretched out from Eddie pulling on it. His cheeks felt like they were on fire, and he was sure he looked like a tomato at the moment. 

“Uh huh.” Ben gave him a know-it-all look, Ben was an all knowledgeable when it comes to people’s crushes. “When did this stuff start happening?” 

“About a month ago.” Richie said quickly. 

“Ah, you are getting closer than I predicted. Interesting.” 

“Did you predict you and Bev’s love life too?” Richie joked, it actually made Ben chuckle so luckily it didn’t hurt his feelings. 

“No, it’s just when you’re in a relationship you can kinda tell when something is flourishing, you know?” Ben smiled. 

“No! Me and Eddie are NOT flourishing, whatever that means! He doesn’t like me back. It’s just a dumb game.” Richie slid down his seat, mixing around the frozen yogurt. It was going to melt if Eddie didn’t come back soon, and his patience with Ben.

“OK in all seriousness Richie, I’m glad you and Eddie are getting closer. I can tell he feels the same very clearly now.” Richie groaned. “You two are gonna happen, he definitely has a crush on you.” 

“How do you know that? I don’t wanna risk my friendship just because you have a hunch, Haystack.” 

“Bevvy may have told me some things, I’m not gonna be exact but you should risk it. Without risk there’s no reward.” Ben said, “And you can finally deal with your sexual tension that everyone and their mother can see.” Richie sighed and sat himself up.

“I guess… maybe he does-” Richie stopped himself while Eddie and Beverly stroll back in. They seated themselves in their spots and Eddie looked at the yogurt. 

“Oh, you got banana anyway-” 

“Haha well, I didn’t want you to be a sore loser, so…” 

“Thank you, Richie.” Eddie said with a smile, Richie was sporting a light blush on his cheeks. “It’s a little melted though.” Eddie snickered. Richie furrowed his brows but ignored the comment. Ben and Beverly high fived and continued to watch the two bicker for the rest of the day. 

Richie and Eddie walked through the automatic doors out the mall, Richie carrying Eddie’s small bag of goodies he bought for himself. Richie was gonna stay over tonight, like  _ actually _ stay over, not just sneak into his room and sleep. Eddie’s mom was out seeing her sister or something, Richie wasn’t really listening at that point. Him and Eddie were both equally surprised that she left Eddie alone for a weekend. He was excited to actually see the rest of Eddie’s house, he hadn’t seen it in a long, long time. Richie missed rummaging through his mom’s medicine cabinet just to tick off Eddie. The boys reached their bikes and took off to Eddie’s, Richie carrying a giant smile. 

It was weird going through Eddie’s front door, normally he’d be at his window. Richie wandered in behind Eddie and placed Eddie’s bag on the end table next to the front door. He took off his shoes and hugged Eddie from behind just to make it harder for him to untie his shoes. 

“Rich! Let me just take off my shoes, then you can annoy me all you want. OK?” Richie pulled away and watched Eddie bend back over to slide the sneakers off. As soon as Eddie was done Richie pulled him back into his arms, a fond smile forming on his cheeks. Eddie hugged back tightly before pulling away to hang up his cardigan. It was a rosy brown color and looked nice with his light denim shorts and light pink t-shirt. Eddie started wearing cardigans recently, they suited him well, they only add to his soft vibes he radiates. Richie jokingly hung up his hawaiian shirt on the coat hanger, which was taken down immediately by Eddie and thrown back in his face. “That shirt isn’t a coat, stupid.” 

“You could say a cardigan isn’t either, Eddie.” Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“Keep it on, you actually look nice today and seeing you only in a black long sleeve might kill me.” Richie blushed at the comment.  _ In what way ‘kill him?’ _

“You think I look nice?” He asked, he was being genuine. He did try to dress nice today, Eddie always compliments Richie when he wears something long sleeved, so he put one on hoping to get some attention. Eddie’s cheeks turned pink, he didn’t verbally respond but instead just nodded with a cute little smile and headed for the kitchen.  _ Weird _ . Richie thought. He followed Eddie and watched him rummage through his cabinets for something to eat, he sighed and turned to look at Richie. 

“We don’t have anything really to eat for dinner, but my mom left me some money in case I needed to order something. What do you feel like?” 

“How about Thai? I know you love it, and I’m really craving potstickers right now.” Richie suggested. Eddie pulled a subtle smile and grabbed his phone off the counter to order. Richie headed to the living room and looked over the pictures of young Eddie on the shelves. Eddie in most of the photos wore his typical polo and short combo, and occasionally some brightly colored child overalls. He hadn’t changed fashion-wise that much since they were younger, Richie throughout middle school always hoped Eddie would go through an emo phase or something that would get him to wriggle his way out of his usual. He never did though, Eddie does wear more cardigans and tank tops nowadays. Sometime in eighth grade Eddie found his love for cardigans after he borrowed one from Bev. Richie continues to scan the pictures, he’s seen them all before but he always gets a pang of nostalgia when he looks at them. He picks up a framed picture of five year old Eddie crouched by some daisies, twirling one in his small chubby hands. He was wearing a pair of denim dungarees and a red tank underneath. Red has always been Eddie’s favorite color, that never changed. He compared that photo to one that was taken in second grade, Eddie was a lot more composed and didn’t wear a smile. His mother probably made him pose. Richie put the photos back down before turning to look back at Eddie who was heading over. 

“I ordered the food, I got you your own serving of potstickers.” Eddie said with a smile, Richie looped an arm around the boy’s shoulder and casually pulled him into a hug. Eddie nuzzled his face into Richie’s chest and inhaled deeply. 

“You takin’ in my  _ musk _ , Eds?” 

“Pff, god no.” Eddie laughed, Richie can feel the vibration on his heart. “I’m just tired, long day.” 

“Yeah I guess going on a double date with Bev and Ben  _ is _ exhausting.” Richie joked, but Eddie looked up in concern as if he was being serious. There’s pink dashed across his cheeks.

“Wh-what?” 

“HA I’m just kidding, you shouldn’t ever take me seriously.” Richie blurted out, scared he made Eddie uncomfortable. He just mumbled something under his breath and lingered in Richie’s arms. He looked really sleepy. “Wanna take a nap on the couch? I can stay awake and wait for the food to get here.” 

“No, it’s OK. Can we watch something on the TV? I have  _ Finding Nemo _ on DVD.” Richie nodded and sat himself on the couch while Eddie pushed the disk into the DVD player. Eddie wandered over and collapsed over Richie’s lap, immediately shutting his eyes. He looked asleep already. 

“I thought you weren’t gonna sleep?” 

“I’m just… resting my eyes.” Eddie grumbled. Richie looked down at him and drank in Eddie’s adorable face. “I know you’re staring at me, Rich.” Eddie mumbled, Richie chuckled and carded his hand through Eddie’s hair.  _ God, his hair’s soft. _ Eddie let out a quiet sigh and opened his eyes. “That feels nice.”

“I know it does, you love it when I play with your hair.” Richie stated, pulling his finger through a small knot on Eddie’s scalp. Eddie rests his hand over the other boy’s knee and squeezes lightly, as if it was a thank you. Eddie studied the TV as if his life depended on it, he was probably trying not to fall asleep. Richie rested his other hand on Eddie’s hip, he could feel him shiver from the touch.  _ Maybe Ben is right?  _ Richie squeezes his hip and feels Eddie shiver again.  _ Huh…  _

Richie continues to test the waters before the food arrives. 

“I’ll get it!” Eddie jumped from the couch and headed to the door. He comes back with two plastic bags full of food for the both of them. He put them down on the coffee table before he turned to grab some silverware from the kitchen. Richie had a weird feeling churn in his stomach, not unpleasant though.  _ This is really domestic _ . He thinks before he’s handed a fork and knife. Eddie plopped down next to him and grabbed the pad thai from one of the bags and digged in. Richie does the same with his pot stickers. 

Later that night the two boys had moved up to Eddie’s room, they had been talking about nonsense for the past hour. Richie was lying on the floor with Eddie sitting next to him. Eddie let out a charming laugh and shoved Richie’s shoulder. 

“You’re so fucking stupid, geez.” Eddie managed to let out before bursting into a full snort. Richie loved it when he could make him laugh like this. Richie was asking Eddie pointless questions just to tick him off, he was enjoying it. Eddie always seemed to laugh harder at Richie’s jokes more than anyone else’s, even if the others were drop dead hilarious. Richie suddenly felt the need to ask him something. 

“Hey, if you like… I dunno, had a crush on someone, you’d tell me. Right?” Eddie’s laughter abruptly stopped, he cleared his throat and made eye contact with Richie. 

“I mean, yeah.” Eddie said quietly, the air was thick with tension. Richie felt like if he pulled the ambience towards his face, it’d look like saran wrap. 

“So do you? Like, have a crush on anyone?” Richie twiddled with his thumbs, his brain was both cursing him out and congratulating him on what he asked. Eddie sighed with a small smile. 

“Uh, yeah. I do.” Eddie turned his gaze away from him and rubbed his arm. Richie was nervous to ask the next question.

“Do you care to tell me?” Richie both wanted and didn’t want an answer. A part of him was hoping maybe Eddie would tell him that it was Richie, and then they’d like, makeout on Eddie’s floor or something. And another part of him knew that there was a decent chance that it wasn’t himself, and that he had set himself up for a broken heart. Richie patiently waited for a reply. 

“I’m not gonna fucking tell you! You never told me your crush, I’m not gonna tell you mine.” Eddie said with a huff. Anxiety was relieved off of Richie quickly, he forgot about that. 

“Well I’m not gonna tell you mine unless you tell me yours!” He says with confidence, Eddie scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I’m not falling for that, I’ll blurt out who it is and then you’ll not tell me yours.”  _ If you told me that you had a crush on me I’d kiss you until I couldn’t breathe. _

“Who says that, Spaghetti? You think I’m a liar?” 

“N-no! I just know you enjoy fucking with me. I’m not gonna risk full time embarrassment, thanks.” He crosses his arms and puffs out his cheeks like he normally does when he’s embarrassed. Richie couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. 

“Fine, but I know your crush is  _ definitely _ me, I already know.” Richie stated this just to get a good reaction from Eddie, but instead was met with Eddie’s bright red face turned away from him. He couldn’t help but think Ben was right. After a long pause Richie took it upon himself to continue the conversation. “I know you want to kiss me, Eds.” He whispered in Eddie’s ear, only slightly joking, just in case he was in the wrong here. Eddie turned to him, their faces so close, they shared the same air. Eddie kept examining Richie, he felt a little blush fall on his face from being analyzed. Eddie kept looking into his eyes, and down to his lips, and back up again. He swallowed and looked into Richie’s eyes, he swore he could feel the gaze burn his corneas. Richie, on the inside, was panicking. His heart was beating at rates he thought were impossible, and his brain fought with itself about what to do.  _ You should kiss him, now’s the right time. No it isn’t! What am I thinking? I can’t kiss Eddie without asking, he’d freak out and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.  _ Neither side of his mind was winning, all he felt like he could do without disturbing anything or messing up was sit as still as a statue and watch Eddie as he also did nothing. Every part of Richie’s body felt as if it was melting underneath the other boys' watchful eye. Richie knew that if Eddie touched him, he’d melt into a pile of sappy flesh that would only mold for Eddie. Richie tried to pull a little smile, but he knew he probably looked really stupid, because Eddie was looking at him as if he looked dumb. Eddie’s mouth curled into a small grin, making another part of Richie’s brain malfunction. Eddie reached for his cheek, his thumb sneaked underneath his glasses. He could barely maintain eye contact at this point, his blinking flickered and his breath was unsteady. Eddie moved in, his eyes focused on Richie’s lips. Richie thought that it was finally happening, that  _ RichieandEddie _ would finally come true. 

“I’m too tired to play this game right now…” Eddie whispered as he placed a sweet kiss on Richie’s cheek. Eddie got up and moved to his bed, sliding underneath the covers. “Let’s go to bed, dumbass.” Richie hid underneath the covers with him, his heartbeat still quick and his mind racing. Now he knew, Ben was right. Shit,  _ Stan  _ was right. Richie hated admitting that to himself. Richie’s mind only flooded with thoughts he didn’t even understand, all he knew, is that he had a chance, and that he needed to take it. 

He just didn’t know if he could take that leap yet. 

  
  


It was Halloween night and since all the losers were a little too old to go trick or treating, they had a little costume party instead. Eddie and Richie had decided to match again this year, but Richie bought a  _ horrendous _ costume for the two to wear. Eddie was a plug and Richie was a port, if you know you know. And Eddie hated that he knew, because him and Richie were wearing a sexual couples costume on Halloween and he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. And he couldn’t  _ not _ wear it, Richie had bought it and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful, even though he definitely was. So when him and Richie showed up at Ben’s house, Ben could already see the lack of gratefulness in his eyes. 

“Nice costumes.” Ben tried to say without spilling out a laugh. 

“Thanks.” Him and Richie said at the same time, two entirely different tones. Richie strutted into the house with confidence while Eddie fell behind, they followed Ben to the basement where the rest of them hid. The basement in the Hanscom residence was truly built for a teenage friend group to get drunk on their parents beer ‘hidden’ in one of the old coolers. Their basement was carpeted and lacked much decor but there were many odd knicknacks around. When you stepped into the place you had to close a door behind you, and down the stairs was a neat living room that had a pretty big TV and giant leather couch. It also had an unused bar on the side only stocked with waters and sodas. Ben over the past couple months had been able to sneak some vodka to the basement and mix drinks for everyone when they came to sleep over. And while everyone despised the taste of alcohol, they chugged it down anyway just to get that warm fuzzy feeling. 

When the boys closed the door behind them they were met with cries of laughter from their friends, Beverly could barely keep herself together. She lost it the second they were in sight, and while Ben and Stan were at least respectful about it, Mike and Bev couldn’t contain themselves. Eddie just sighed and sat himself on the couch, his weight sinking in. He lifted his legs up so Richie could sit underneath them. When the two finally get comfortable Eddie scans the room for Bill, who doesn’t seem to be there yet. 

“Where’s Bill?” He asks, trying to be serious with his stupid outfit on. Stan clears his throat of any mockery and smiles. 

“He’s out with Georgie, he promised to go trick or treating with him. Bill will be here soon enough.” He sits himself straight as Mike hugs his waist. Eddie tries to ignore the fact that he and Richie were the only single people in the room (who are sort of having a weird relationship crisis). Ever since Stan, Bill, and Mike started dating, Richie and Eddie felt stuck being the funny single friends who were third wheels to everything, even though they did the same to others. Richie had his hand hold the back of one of Eddie’s calves, which in some ways was comforting in this situation. But knowing Richie is also the cause of his discomfort left himself at an odd state of indifference. Eddie sighed and stared at the TV which was playing the Goosebumps, the theme song already stuck in his head. He glanced over at Beverly, who sent him a quick smile as she snaked her arm around her boyfriend’s shoulder. She was dressed as a pirate, she had on a puffy white blouse tucked into some skinny jeans and wore a pirate hat that was a little big on her head. Ben wasn’t dressed up, Eddie remembered him mentioning that he felt a little too old to wear costumes anymore. He just wore a hoodie and jeans. Eddie couldn’t help but notice how much Ben has changed since middle school. He was a lot different both physically and mentally. Ben became a lot less anxious when highschool hit, and less insecure. Maybe due to the lack of bullying, but he also didn’t really have much to bully for anymore, he grew a lot taller, his weight stretched along with his height. He still was more on the chubbier side but he looked like he finally fit into his body. Eddie was happy for him, he was glad Ben finally felt like himself. Eddie looked over to Stanely and Mike, they were giggling about something, maybe about what was on the TV. Stan wasn’t wearing a costume either, he wore a button up tucked into khakis, but he had a giant, heavy coat swung onto his shoulders. Probably borrowed from Mike, who was dressed as a farm boy, Eddie knew Mike was dressed as one since it was the easiest to put together for him. Eddie moved from his side to his back, he bored his eyes into the ceiling, counting the paint bubbles that were stuck there. Richie reached out and held his hand, a way to ask him for his attention. Eddie sat up and stared at Richie, expecting something stupid to pour out his lovely face. Him and Richie had another layer of odd tension added since that night Richie stayed over. Eddie couldn’t believe that he kissed Richie, well, he tried not to be too proud of himself, since it was only on the cheek. Eddie wanted to do it again, he had wanted to the entire week, but he could barely find any opportunity. At this point, Eddie had a strong feeling the other boy had feelings for him. He remembered how flushed Richie’s cheeks were, and how he stood so still that he barely breathed- you don’t act that way around your best friend. Eddie was honestly a little pissed about how bad he and Richie were at confrontation, it left both of them at a stalemate, neither acting on the obvious tension that’d been growing since freshman year. Eddie couldn’t even focus on school, that was how annoying it was. He had been a lot more snappy than usual, he even got a little pissed at Beverly for something miniscule, she didn’t mind though. She knew his situation, he was in a sexual tension that may never resolve- she wasn’t going to hold a grudge just because he slightly raised his voice at her. 

Eddie waited for Richie to say something. 

“You look cute in your costume, Eds. Who picked it out for you?” He jokingly asked. Eddie rolled his eyes and held back a smile.

“Some asshole who for some reason I’ve decided to stay friends with.” Eddie said, watching Richie pretend as if he was stabbed in the heart. Eddie giggled and lightly kicked his face with his foot. Richie fixed his skewed glasses and shot a grin at him. Eddie only slightly melted by how cute it was, only slightly. Richie turned to Ben, who was on the floor in the arms of his girlfriend. 

“I’m assuming we’re getting drunk tonight, right Ben?” Ben nodded and sat up a little to get more comfortable. 

“Yeah, we’ll wait until Bill gets here though. I was able to sneak a bottle of vodka, so maybe when we’re done drinking we can play truth or dare?” Everyone in the room nodded in agreement, except Eddie. He hated truth or dare, it always led to something breaking or someone asking a really deep question that made the whole vibe really sad. Eddie just hoped that maybe tonight will be less chaotic, or that maybe everyone will be so drunk they’ll forget that they wanted to play. Eddie was glad none of them had to go home, the group hadn’t had a big sleepover like this in a while. He also didn’t want to bother sneaking past his mother while drunk off his ass. 

“Hell yeah! I’m gonna get so fucked up.” Richie cheered, Bev raised her hand in the air in solidarity. Her and Richie were the wilder ones in the group, always willing to get fucked up on drugs or do something impulsive. Eddie and Ben were always the ones trying to stop them from the impulses, but neither of them could stop the other two when they had their heart set on something. Eddie felt odd comparing him and Richie’s relationship to Beverly and Ben’s, it wasn’t like him and Richie were together anyway. Eddie moved to lay over Richie’s lap, hoping that Richie might play with his hair. Eddie hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed having people mess with his hair until Richie started doing it when he rested on his lap. It left a comforting numbness that overtook his skull. Richie carded his fingers through Eddie’s hair, an audible sigh releasing from him entirely on accident. Richie just smiled and continued chatting to Mike and Stan about their favorite soda mixed with vodka, nothing truly interesting. The doorbell upstairs rang, signalling that Bill was finally here. Ben quickly got up to go answer the door while Bev grabbed a bag of candy and dumped it in a bowl for everyone. Eddie reached for a Reese’s and he handed Richie almond joy. Eddie hated almond joys, they taste like nothing and it has very conflicting textures, but for some reason Richie adored them. Richie felt the same about Reese's, but wasn’t as vocal about his hatred for the candy. Eddie popped the chocolate into his mouth and slowly chewed. Eddie could already imagine the pain of a cavity in his head, it made him hesitant to reach for another candy, but he did so anyway. He needed to stop guilting himself with food, his mom always would take away his Halloween candy when he got home. She said if he ate it, it would make his teeth rot and fall out his mouth. The only Halloween he remembered that she didn’t take away his candy was the year before his dad died. Suddenly, the chocolate in his mouth felt more repulsing after that thought. He sighed and finished the candy. 

Then Bill came downstairs. 

Now the whole vibe of the room had changed, it was a lot more of a party atmosphere than it was before. Richie connected his phone to the bluetooth speaker and played his “Halloween” playlist, a lot of the songs being more grungy rock with the occasional joke song. Eddie already felt a little bit more cheered up knowing he had all his friends with him. Richie got up to go ‘order’ at Ben’s makeshift bar, except all he could make was soda mixes. Eddie followed close behind. Richie leaned against the old wooden bar with a smile plastered on, he made fake bar banter with Ben, who wasn’t enjoying it as much as Richie was. Eddie stood on the opposite side of the bar, glancing at Richie from afar. Richie met Eddie’s gaze, his smile turning into a smirk as Eddie could already predict what was about to occur. 

“Well hello handsome, you waiting on someone?” Richie asked, Eddie rolled his eyes and hid a grin. He decided to play along.

“I wasn’t, actually. I was just hopin’ a strappy young man would come cheer me up.” Eddie spoke in a horribly done southern accent which made Richie chuckle. Richie looked over to Ben and nodded at him.

“I’ll take a rum and coke, and something for the cutie at the end of the bar. What do ya want, darlin’?” Richie also took on a southern accent. Eddie was really enjoying the pet names Richie was giving him lately, it made him feel special. 

“I’ll also have a rum and coke, thank you.” Eddie knew they didn’t have rum, but he was enjoying this too much to care. Ben rolled his eyes and mixed coke and vodka in two glasses and handed them to the boys. Richie moved to the end of the bar Eddie stood at, he leaned on the bar as if they were actually out together which felt odd. Maybe he was believing too many of the movies about what bars were like. Eddie took a sip of his drink and looked up to Richie, who was just gleefully looking at him. “You’re such a weirdo, Rich.” Eddie stated. 

“Don't act like you didn’t play along, cutie. I saw you do a bit of acting there.” Richie pinched his cheek and sipped on his drink. Ben was passing the rest of the group their drinks and when he saw him and Richie at the bar he just went back to Bev to sit down, as if he knew something was going on. Eddie ignored it and continued to focus his attention on the boy in front of him. Richie, even though he was in the worst Halloween costume known to man, still looked charming as ever. His thick glasses standing heavy on his almost roman nose, and his freckles barely visible under this lighting. Eddie couldn’t help but think-

“You look really hot.” He spoke, only realizing he said his thoughts out loud when Richie gave him a perplexed look. His face flushed and he really hoped he could get away with the excuse it was just the alcohol but Richie responded, saying;

“Well thank you, and while you  _ are _ in a plug costume... you look hot too, Eds.” Richie grinned and finished off his drink. A wave of embarrassment, or confidence rushed through himself. Bev gave him a look from across the room that read as  _ are you two gonna fuck? _ Eddie shook his head and also finished off his drink. He watched Richie move behind the bar to make himself another one. Eddie barely felt a buzz so he asked for another. He moved back to the couch and started talking to Bill about his lack of costume, and Richie handed him a drink that looked like it had almost no coke in it. Eddie turned to Richie as he sat down next to him, confused. 

“What’s up with my drink?” He asked.

“I know how high of a tolerance you have, so I made you a drink so you’re on the same page as the rest of us.” Richie managed a wink but it kinda looked like he was just squinting both his eyes. Richie lacked coordination when drunk, so it wasn’t surprising he looked so dumb when he tried to wink, but Eddie found it cute. He shrugged off the high tolerance comment and sipped his drink- it tastes horrible. The sugar in the coke was just barely there and made the vodka taste worse. Eddie visibly gagged but pushed it down anyway, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of his friends. Richie seemed shocked that he finished it, Eddie felt  _ really _ cool when he saw the look on his face. Eddie could now feel the heat from his drinks settle on his face, and when he looked over to Richie he was also pink. The other boy was in a dumb, deep conversation with Mike about how the fuck people decided to pop corn, and Eddie wanted his attention. He tried to stare at him to get his focus, but he had no response. Eddie scooted closer to him on the couch, purposefully touching their knees together, still nothing. He finally looked at Eddie when he pulled a bit on his sleeve. 

“What?” He asked, as if he couldn’t possibly understand why Eddie wanted his attention. And now that Eddie thought about it, he didn’t really know either. Eddie just stared at the other boy blankly, trying to figure out his own mind. But before he could come up with a reasonable answer he blurted out-

“I need to take off this costume, you should too.” The small, sober Eddie in his head was facepalming in that moment. That sentence sounded… wrong. He couldn’t pinpoint how but all he was thinking now was the idea of Richie helping him undress. Eddie felt like he turned even more pink. Richie, rather than giving a verbal response just nodded and stood up to grab his backpack and headed to the bathroom. Eddie followed close behind and suddenly they were changing in the same bathroom together. Eddie subtly watched as Richie slid the costume off his broad shoulders and onto the floor. Eddie hadn’t even figured out how to take off his. The other boy noticed and wandered over, motioning for Eddie to lift his arms up. He complied. Richie pulled the costume off and his eyes glazed over Eddie’s chest. He felt a little objectified, honestly. Eddie couldn’t tell if he was uncomfortable yet. Their eyes met and his heart beated so quickly that he could barely comprehend it. Richie’s hands were placed on Eddie’s bare arms, as if he was asking permission to do more. Eddie did a quick nod, unsure of what Richie was going to do and unsure of if he wanted to keep going or not. Richie palmed Eddie’s chest, his hands big compared to his smaller frame. Eddie took a mental check in with his head, he probably should before doing anything-  _ Do I want him to keep touching my bare chest? Yes, maybe? No? Do I feel comfortable? Am I ready for anything to go- _ And as Richie had his hands on Eddie’s bare waist, Eddie asked him to stop. Richie pulled away instantly, backing up a couple feet away. 

“I- Shit I-I’m sorry-” Richie looked panicked, guilty. Eddie in his mind was now fighting with itself.  _ Why did I say stop? I was enjoying it. But I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, I don’t know if I feel entirely comfortable doing these things right now. _

“No, nonono Richie it’s not your fault I just-” Eddie tried to continue but the door behind him was being knocked on. 

“Get out here you two! Time for truth or dare.” And before Eddie could finish his sentence Richie threw on a shirt and left. Eddie slipped on his own shirt and headed back to the couch, finding that Richie has moved to sit by Beverly and Ben, he feels the kind of guilt that eats at you when you’ve seen what you’ve done. But in his mind he knew he had every right to ask him to stop, maybe Richie isn’t mad, maybe he just doesn’t fully understand. Eddie threw a blanket over his shoulders and got comfortable on the couch. Stan gave Eddie a perplexed look, probably wondering why him and Richie weren’t sitting together. Eddie ignored it and stared at Bill who was coming up with restrictions on what they can and cannot do. 

“No one is g-going to be dared t-to do anything t-that’ll break something.” Bill finished off his ground rules and asked who wanted to go first, Bev raised her hand. She gave a good scan of everyone in the room before pointing to Stan. 

“Truth or dare?” She asked.

“I’ll do dare.” Beverly gave him a cheeky smile. 

“I dare you to have another drink.” Everyone in the room knew where this was going, whenever they played drunk T or D Bev would always dare people to drink more. Stan got up and poured himself a vodka sprite and finished it quickly. He sat down looking more weary than he was before, he looked over to Bill and shot him a smile.

“Truth or dare, bunny?” He asked, a bit of affection going through his voice with the pet name. Eddie internally cringed even though he adored being called things. Bill let out a quiet laugh. 

“T-truth.” 

“What is… the real reason you and Bev broke up?” Bill physically twitched but Beverly didn’t seem to have a reaction. Ben just stared into nothing. 

“F-for me, it was mainly because I r-realized that I liked y-you and Mike…” Bill let out a small smile. “A-and I knew I w-wasn’t what Bev r-really wanted, I could t-tell you needed someone d-different.” Bill glanced at Bev who just nodded, her hand gripping Ben’s tightly. Bill released a long breath before shooting a glare at Richie, who was incredibly quiet this entire time. 

“R-Richie, truth or dare.” Richie looked up, startled by the sudden eyes on him. 

“Uh, truth.” Richie said quietly. Richie almost never picked truth, Eddie could tell something was wrong. Bill, looking slightly shocked, cleared his throat to speak. 

“W-what do you a-and Eddie do w-when you sneak into h-his room.?” Richie visibly flinched at Eddie’s name, Eddie just tried to ignore the guilt eating at him. 

“I just like, sleep there? I dunno, we just hang out until we’re tired.” Richie spoke softly, as if he was afraid of hurting everyone’s ears. Bill nodded and leaned his head on Mike’s shoulder. Richie looked over to Bev. 

“Marsh, truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” She answered quickly. Richie looked at her then to Ben, and a little smile formed on his face. 

“How about you give your loverboy a smooch for me?” Beverly rolled her eyes and looked to Ben, who had a light blush across his cheeks. 

“You OK with that, Ben?” He nodded quickly and Bev gave him a quick kiss. Richie seemed uninterested, probably because he was trying to pull an act to seem normal. Beverly immediately turned her gaze to Eddie’s, he felt an internal panic coming on. She was going to dare him to do something stupid, probably. 

“Eddie, truth, or dare?” She spoke slowly, making Eddie more anxious. Before he put much thought into what he would pick, his mouth decided for him. 

“Dare.” An almost evil smile formed on Beverly’s face. 

“I dare you and Richie to do seven minutes in heaven.” Eddie blushed furiously and met eyes with Richie, who was just as pink. “C’mon, get your asses in there!” She stood up and grabbed both their hands and pulled them to the door. The boys complied and walked themselves in, and then the door shut, and all the light they had was a shitty bulb that was on the verge of needing a change. Eddie met eyes once again with Richie, who seemed bashful, worried, guilty? 

“Eddie- I’m like, really sorry about the bathroom I shouldn’t have done that…” Richie trailed off, his anxiety obviously getting to him. 

“No no, Rich, you didn’t do anything wrong. You stopped when I asked, you’re OK.” Eddie pulled Richie in for a hug, a hand holding the other boy’s head. “I just realized like… that was… very new to me. A-and I wasn’t in the exact headspace for that, yeah?” Eddie felt Richie’s arms hold him back, he couldn’t tell if his own words made sense, he was too drunk to care. “That’s too intimate for me right now… I don’t think I’m ready…” Eddie stopped speaking so he didn’t say anything weird. Richie nodded into Eddie’s shoulder. 

“OK, I won’t do it again. Shirtless Eds is off bounds unless he states otherwise.” Eddie smiled, he was glad Richie understood. A part of Eddie knew he wanted to do things like that with Richie at some point, but he wanted to wait. He  _ needed _ to wait, he didn’t want to do those things unless they were in a relationship. Eddie pulled back and felt Richie palm his cheek, his thumb drawing circles in his skin. He knew he could trust him. 

Then Beverly flung the door open, probably hoping to catch them doing something. But to her dismay, she didn’t see anything. The boys walk out the closet, hand in hand. 

After another thirty minutes of truth or dare they all decided to watch  _ Friday the 13th _ , but before they played it Richie and Beverly needed a smoke. The two headed out to the Hanscom’s front deck, each of them pulling out their own carton of cigarettes. Richie rests the cig on his mouth and reaches for Bev’s lighter as she finishes lighting her own. He sucks in the smoke and hands the girl her lighter. They sit quietly, just observing the smoke float around their heads. Beverly elbowed Richie, catching his attention.

“I had a thought the other day, about a word Ben had used in one of his poems for me.” She stated, maybe hoping for a reply, but Richie didn’t have one, he was still distracted. “It reminded me of you and Eddie.” Richie looked back at her, she hugged her knees to her chest. 

“What’s the word?” 

“I think it’s called… pragma. It’s greek, a word to describe love or something. But when I read the definition I didn’t really get how Ben connected our relationship to it, yanno?” She blew out a puff of smoke. “It has something to do with long-term compatibility, and it’s everlasting. You get what I’m saying?” Richie nods. “But when I thought about it I could only think of you and Eddie. I dunno, you two have obviously learned to mold around each other, maybe that’s why I think of you two.” Richie stayed silent, when he thought about him and Eddie’s relationship all he could imagine is his future with him in it. Beverly was trying to make eye contact. Richie looked into her bright green eyes, expecting her to say something. She rested her head on her knees and stared at Richie as if she was trying to read his mind. 

“What’re you thinking about?” He asked. She let out a sigh and smiled at him. 

“When you and Eddie get together, you better be good to ‘im.” She mumbled. Richie couldn’t help but notice her emphasis on the word  _ when _ . “He really cares about you, and if you two get out of this hellhole, you have to promise me you’ll keep him safe.” Her eyebrows draw together, and her expression changes from kind to serious. 

“Yeah, I promise. You can trust me with your baby brother, babe.” Richie jokes, she lets out a sweet giggle. 

“I do trust you.” She lights another cigarette, “He is like my brother, yanno? I wish I could give him a safe place to be himself, but neither of us exactly have parents who would let us near each other.” Richie nodded and took her cig from her and had a puff. 

“I wish I could give him a safe space too.” 

“Well, when your dad’s gone he’s welcome, right? He always tells me about how much he loves your mom.” Richie blushed at that comment, his mom loves Eddie too. She thinks he’s a good influence. 

“Yeah, my mom loves it when I have people over. Eddie is her favorite out of all the loser’s I think.” Bev smiled and finished off the cig. 

“I’m glad that out of the three of us we have one decent parent.” She stood up and kissed his hair. “Let’s go back inside, I wanna cuddle with Ben on the floor and watch you and Eddie be cute on the couch.” 

When the two came back inside, Richie found Eddie had already saved a spot on the couch for him. Eddie had covered himself in a giant fuzzy blanket, only his head wasn’t covered. Richie followed behind Beverly, who sat underneath Eddie’s feet. Richie sat next to Eddie, who let Richie underneath the blanket. The two scooted close to each other, Richie’s legs pulled up onto the couch and Eddie’s hands holding Richie’s knees. Richie couldn’t help but feel flustered underneath the hands of the boy next to him. Eddie leaned onto Richie’s shoulder and his hair tickled Richie’s neck. Mike pressed play and the movie started rolling. 

The entire movie, whenever there was a jumpscare Eddie would nuzzle his face into Richie’s neck. Richie had a really hard time trying not to kiss him, at the end of the movie he did kiss Eddie’s cheek though, while making fun of him for being so scared. Eddie just rolled his eyes and while everyone else wasn’t looking, he pressed his lips on Richie’s cheek. Beverly had turned to look back at them and when she saw Richie’s flushed face, she had an idea. The entire movie he and Eddie held hands, even though they were both sweaty and gross. 

“Well, now we know that if any of us get naked or have sex, we will die by the hands of Jason.” Stan said with great boredom in his voice. Bill hummed in agreement while snuggling into Stan’s arm. 

“That doesn’t sound like a bad way to go out.” He chimed in. Beverly let out a small giggle while Stan rolled his eyes. Even Eddie found it funny, despite him being half asleep underneath Richie’s arm. It was about 1 AM at that point, many of them were tired. Richie didn’t feel tired at all, he was just as lively as ever and was trying hard not to move too much. 

“I think it’s time to go to bed, y’all.” Mike spoke while stretching his arms above his head. They all nodded in agreement, and started setting up their sleeping bags and cuddle piles. Richie and Eddie took the couch, since Eddie was already falling asleep and Richie didn’t want to rustle him. Everyone was fine with it, since they weren’t in the mood for the boy’s wrath. Richie moved Eddie onto his side so he wouldn’t wake up with a broken back. Richie laid next to him and threw the blanket over the both of them. Eddie murmured a thank you and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck. He was a bit worried Eddie would choke him in his sleep but he didn’t really mind. Richie placed his glasses on the coffee table and snaked his arms around Eddie’s waist. 

The two had already fallen asleep when Beverly kissed their heads goodnight. 

  
  


**Sophomore Year - January**

  
  


It was January 12th, they were at school and Richie was forcing himself to focus on his teacher’s boring lecture on some philosopher that had been dead for too long for his views to matter anymore. He was only focusing because Eddie caught him making goo-goo eyes at him earlier and Eddie promised that if he used the rest of this class wisely he’d kiss his cheek. Richie wasn’t gonna pass that up. 

Richie had no idea what he and Eddie were, they’d never properly kissed or anything more than affection that could be passed off as platonic. But he knew if anyone asked him what their relationship was, he’d say they were friends just in case Eddie didn’t want to tell anyone that they were  _ complicated _ . Richie knew that Eddie had some sort of feelings for him, and Richie knew that if he did say anything, they could finally be together- but the constant anxiety of  _ but what if he doesn’t?  _ Haunted him daily. He could barely handle the idea of his heart being held up so high only for it to plummet and break because of his own useless hope. The idea of things changing, positively or negatively, scared him. His own fear was irrational and he knew that, because Stan consistently kept reminding him that it was. Stan had been the person Richie ran to when he worried about the situation, mainly because Stanley wouldn’t sugarcoat anything. He’d tell him outright that he was being ridiculous and that he didn’t have to put so much thought into it. Even with Stan’s insistence of him opening up about his feelings, he still managed to wriggle himself out of telling Eddie. Mainly because he wanted there to be a right moment, which he knew is an internalized way of backing out but he chooses to ignore it.

Richie really wished he could tell him, but he wanted it to be perfect. 

He had to actively avoid looking at Eddie for the rest of the class, even his teacher found it odd how focused he was. Richie even took notes, which is something he’s never really relied on until today. He did draw doodles of him and Eddie across the margins, but that’s not very surprising. When the bell rang for lunch, Richie was already leaning over the other boy’s desk, waiting for him to notice his existence. Eddie looked up at Richie after putting away his notebook, he looked a little confused on why Richie was looking expectant, but he was hit with his own memory of his promise. Eddie stood up and leaned across his desk and planted a smooch on Richie’s cheek. Richie’s cheeks turned pink and he had a satisfied smile spread across his face. Eddie rolled his eyes while he swung his backpack on his shoulders.

“If that’s all I have to do to make you focus in class, I might be willing to do that more often.” The other boy said, already halfway out of the classroom. Richie caught up with him and slung his arm on his shoulders. 

“I can work with that deal, Kaspbrak.” He replied. When they stepped out the door they were met with Bill and Mike, who had the class next door. Mike waved with his own arm around Bill. 

“Hey guys.” Mike said with a little smile. Bill nodded at them and started to head to their usual spot. They burst out the double door that led to the bleachers. Stan, Beverly, and Ben were already sitting in their usual spot in the circle. Richie skipped over and sat down, with Eddie right beside him. It was cold out, Richie had an old jacket on with his usual patterned shirt and jeans. Eddie was wearing a brown and black striped jumper with  _ black jeans _ , which is something Richie hadn’t seen Eddie wear before. Richie tried not to be too astounded, Eddie wearing black jeans doesn’t really mean much, but they looked really nice on him. Richie laid back onto the cold grass, he stretched his entire body like a cat and then flipped onto his stomach. 

“How was psychology, Rich?” Ben asked, he’d been interested in taking that class but the student advisor couldn’t fit him into the schedule. Richie shrugged and looked up at Eddie, who definitely had a better answer. 

“I like it, but Richie doesn’t really pay attention much unless I make him.” Eddie stated, his hand moving to rest on Richie’s shoulder. Richie let out a guttural laugh and nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, it’s mostly just about dead people and their ideas on human behavior or whatever. Eddie has to give me special attention for me to do anything productive.” He winked at Ben who rolled his eyes in sync with Eddie. 

“You’ll only do actual work if I promise affection, which I find stupid to be honest.” Eddie ran a hand through his hair. “Like, I already treat you like that, I don’t know why you don’t ask for anything more.” 

“Do you  _ want  _ me to ask for something more, babe?” Richie teased, a smirk pulled on his face. Eddie huffed and avoided the comment. The rest of them snickered and changed the topic. 

“Are you guys gonna go to the sophomore dance?” Bill asked. The majority of them shook their heads, the loser’s don’t attend school dances. The last time they did was in seventh grade and it ended with someone dumping punch on Beverly and their peers forcing them out into the hallway. Bill sighed and took a long look at all of them. They all knew Bill wanted to go, he had been not-so-subtly mentioned his interest a week back. “I f-feel like we sh-should go! It’s in a m-month and-” Stan covered Bill’s mouth before he finished his sentence. 

“I’m sorry darling, but we made a deal to never attend dances again after last time.” Stan said.

“Yeah, I’m not sure about it dude. You’re like, the only popular one out of all of us because you’re on the football team.” Bev mentioned, leaning back on her hands. Bill sighed and moved Stan’s hand away from his mouth. 

“We aren’t i-in middle sc-school anymore g-guys. We aren’t b-bullied anymore, I want u-us to g-go.” Bill stated, a flare of drama coming off him. Richie didn’t know if he’d be up for it or not, he wasn’t against the idea, but he didn’t want to go without Eddie. Everyone looked at each other, hoping someone would say something against Bill’s decision. “We’re g-going to the d-dance this year. I d-don’t want sh-shitty people from m-middle school to st-stop us from enjoying our-ourselves.” Everyone sighed and agreed to go, despite the underlying fear of a repeat of seventh grade. 

“OK, St-stan, Mikey, we sh-should get m-matching suits.” Bill trailed off on a conversation between him, Stan, and Mike. Beverly and Ben started talking about their outfits right away. Richie rolled onto his side to face Eddie, who was lost in thought. Richie snapped his fingers in front of the boy’s face. 

“You good?” Richie asked. Eddie looked down to meet his eyes, he still looked a bit lost. 

“We should get matching suits too.” He said quietly, Richie’s heart jumped, he wasn’t expecting to hear that. 

“Is this your way of asking me to be your date, Eds?” The other boy turned pink and groaned. 

“No way in hell, trashmouth. You’re the last person in the world I’d go on a date with.” Richie lifted his eyebrow and continued prying. 

“I thought you’d want to ask your crush?” 

“That’s out of the question! Then you’d find out who it is!” Eddie’s face turned an even brighter shade of pink. 

“Why the matching outfits?” Eddie let out an exasperated sigh and crossed his arms. 

“I dunno! We normally match when we go out together, I just assumed you wanted to. If you don’t then we don’t have to-” 

“Nonono, we’ll match.” Richie spoke softly, changing his tone to calm Eddie down, he was pushing it a little. “I was just fuckin with you, sorry.” Eddie cursed under his breath. 

“It’s fine.” He paused and held his chin in thought. “What are we gonna wear?” 

“Well I was thinkin’ some sexy lingerie with some suit jackets over it, opinions?” 

“I meant a serious input, Rich.” 

“I have no idea then, you know I mostly wear ‘ugly’ shirts and look like I crawled out a trash can. You’re more stylish than me.” Eddie shook his head. 

“You don’t look like you crawled out a trash can, you look like you crawled out the men’s section in Ross.” Eddie glanced over to Beverly with a glint in his eye. “Beverly? What should me and Richie wear to prom?” Her eyes lit up. 

“I could make something for you two, my aunt is moving here this week and she has a sewing machine.” She smiled. 

“Oh hell yeah, custom clothes by Beverly Marsh!” Richie cheered. 

“If it wouldn’t be too much of a pain…” Eddie said. 

“Of course kid, I’ll make you and Richie here cute matching ties.” The school bell rang, lunch was over. Beverly got up and pressed a kiss in Eddie’s hair before heading off to class with Ben. 

Afterschool Eddie was walking with Richie to his house, they were gonna hang out and maybe play video games. Though recently they do less of their normal stuff and more staring contests and cuddling. Eddie didn’t mind, he liked it, but he wished Richie would say something already. Every time they were alone there was an intense air in the room, like there were so many words that needed to be said but neither of them knew how to say them. It was a little stressful, but Eddie was slightly enjoying the light competition. He refused to be the one who confessed first. He knew his refusal to say anything would make things a lot more complicated, but he didn’t want to deal with the anxiety of finding out the actual truth. He was happy with what they were, they weren’t  _ anything _ specifically, but they were  _ something _ . He could live with it being vague, as long as they could stick together and Eddie could continue to see Richie’s mother. 

When they reached the Tozier residence’s front door, Maggie swung it open and pulled Eddie in for a hug. 

“Oh! Hi Mrs. Tozier…” Eddie said, his voice muffled by her shoulder. 

“Hi Eddie dear! I missed you.” She pulled away and patted down his hair. 

“You saw him last weekend mom…” Richie mentioned, she rolled her eyes. 

“I can still miss him, at least I don’t get practically teary-eyed when I don’t see him on the weekends.” She teased, Eddie let out a snort while Richie fumed.

“Whatever, come here.” He pulled his mother in for a hug and when she pulled away she kissed his cheek. Watching Richie hug his mother was weird, both of them were quite tall, they were like giants compared to Eddie. They all headed inside and in the kitchen there was a box of pasta unopened on the island. He assumed what Richie and Maggie were having for dinner was spaghetti. Eddie had never cooked before, his mother always insisted on cooking by herself. He wanted to help. Maggie walked over to the cupboard and took out a pot, she then filled it with water and set it on the stove. While she turned the dial to high she looked back to Eddie, who was observing carefully. And as if she read his mind, she asked;

“Do you want to help?” Maggie wore a motherly smile and gestured him over. Eddie walked over and stood next to her after he quickly slid off his shoes. He looked into the pot and could feel the heat burn his skin. Richie noticed Eddie gone and came over. 

“Is Eddie helping you cook?” He asked, she nodded. 

“Yeah, I’d like it if you helped too, noodle.” Eddie giggled at the nickname. Richie was blushing brightly. 

“Uh, yeah sure.” He cleared his throat, “What do you want me to do?” 

“Can you grab the garlic bread? It should be on the second shelf in the fridge.” She asked, Richie nodded and went on his mission. 

“What can I do?” Eddie asked her, she smiled while she opened the box of pasta. 

“How about you watch the water for when it starts boiling? It shouldn’t take too long since the heat is on high.” Eddie had to admit, he had no idea how to tell when water was boiling. He knew it bubbled, but he didn’t know when it was bubbling  _ enough _ . And while he was incredibly embarrassed about it, he needed to ask. 

“Uh, I don’t know how to tell when water is boiling…” He said quietly enough for Richie to not be able to hear. She just sent him another soft smile, love radiated off of the woman despite her horrid husband. Maybe that’s why Went married her, he knew how much she’d try to help him no matter how bad he was to her.

“That’s OK. How I tell if the water is ready is if the bubbles are bigger than a dime.” She showed him by grabbing a dime from her pocket and handing it to him. “Let me know when it is, OK?” Eddie nodded quickly and stared into the pot while Maggie went through their cupboards. Richie had found the garlic bread and put it on the counter next to the box of pasta, he wandered over to Eddie and looked into the pot with him. 

“Do you know the term, “A watched pot never boils.”?” Richie said slyly, a little smirk forming on his face. Eddie quickly pulled his face away in embarrassment. 

“Don’t bully him Richie, dear.” Maggie asked, Richie rolled his eyes. 

“I was just kidding.” Richie stated, Maggie clicked her tongue in response and while she looked through a cupboard below the counter, she mumbled a string of curses. She sighed and headed to the front door while grabbing her purse. “Where are you going?” Her son asked. 

“I forgot to buy sauce earlier, I’ll be back in a bit.” She opened the front door and before she closed the door behind her she asked; “Eddie, can you make sure Richie doesn’t burn the house down?” 

“Of course!” Eddie said cheerfully, he was happy she trusted Eddie enough to ask. Richie groaned while his mother closed and locked the door behind her. “Did you set the kitchen on fire or something when she left you here alone last time?” 

“No! She just knows I have a hard time focusing on stuff.” Richie said while he opened the toaster oven and put in half of the loaf of garlic bread. Eddie hummed in response and looked into the water, the bubbles were as big as dimes. He hesitantly grabbed the box of pasta and poured it in. Eddie knew he’d need to mix it a little. Richie turned the timer on the toaster oven and turned to face Eddie.

“Rich, can you grab me a spoon?” Richie nodded and grabbed a wooden spoon from a drawer. He handed it over and started to lean over Eddie’s shoulder. “You don’t have to watch me, I know how to mix things dumbass.” 

“I know, but also you don’t have to mix the whole time, just every few minutes. Also, you should turn the heat down.” Richie reached over Eddie’s arm to turn the dial down. Eddie rolled his eyes and put down the spoon on the counter. Richie walked over to the corner of the kitchen and turned on a radio Eddie hadn’t noticed was there. The song that was playing was  _ Eddie My Love _ by The Teen Queens, the song made him blush a little, but he continued to focus on the task at hand. He could overhear Richie sloppily sing the lyrics, he tried to keep ignoring it. But soon Richie was pulling him away from the stove, and singing the song to him and trying to get him to slow dance. He pulled away and crossed his arms. 

“I don’t know how to dance.” He stated, hoping he could get out of this  _ explicitly _ romantic situation. But Richie wasn’t having any of it. 

“It’s not that hard to slow dance, Eds. C’mere.” Eddie reluctantly walked back over and his hands were placed around Richie’s neck. “Plus, if we’re going to the dance  _ together _ , we need to practice our dancing.” Richie rested his hands on Eddie’s waist and started to slowly sway back and forth, Eddie followed Richie’s movements, hoping he wasn’t messing it up. The anxiety started to slowly melt away with each lyric that was sung. “See? Not that hard.” Richie said softly, “Eddie my looovvveee, I’m sick in beeddd… The very next dayyy… might be my laaaast… please Eddiiee… don’t make me wait, too looong…” Richie started to sing carefully now, his voice sounded tender and while it was a bit gravily and his voice broke at higher notes, it was nice. Eddie stared into the other boy’s eyes while he sang softly, Eddie felt exposed, but not in a way that made him scared. Eddie shuffled a little closer so their toes touched, Richie leaned his head down so their cheeks were pressed together, he continued to sing. Eddie moved even closer, so they were basically hugging. Eddie felt so welcomed, he felt at home in that moment. He started to hum along with the lyrics and he knew Richie was smiling. He felt like they were an old couple, making dinner together and dancing to oldies on the radio. It was cheesy, if Eddie saw this on TV he’d probably gag from how sappy it was, but being in the scene felt insanely different. His heartbeat was quick, and he felt butterflies float in his gut. This was all sickeningly sweet, Eddie wanted to live like this everyday- He wanted a house, he wanted to cook dinner with Richie even if it was just frozen pizza and dance when they felt like it. He wanted to wake up and see Richie there, and a part of him thought;  _ You’re only fifteen, you can’t predict or think about a future with your teenage crush.  _ But Eddie felt that no matter what, they’d always end with each other. No matter what outcome, Richie would be there, and that was comforting.

Eventually, the song ended and some cheesy 80s pop song started to play. Richie started to laugh as he pulled away. He spinned around and bounced around the kitchen, a hand reached out as he sang the lyrics incredibly off tune. Eddie couldn’t help but laugh and join in. They clasped their hands together as they bounced around in a circle together, laughter spilling out the both of them. Eddie felt like he was floating, like if he breathed in enough air he could float to the ceiling. Eddie met Richie’s eyes, and all he wanted to do was kiss him. He wanted to kiss the corner of Richie’s eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his brow bone. He wanted to drown in Richie’s face. 

Then Eddie slipped on the tile, but he didn’t fall. Instead, Richie had catched him. It looked like Richie had dipped Eddie, and the two were awkwardly staring at each other. A smile formed on Eddie’s face as Richie pulled him up. Then Maggie walked into the kitchen, a sweet laugh falling from her mouth. Eddie noticed that Richie was blushing again, Eddie did feel as embarrassed, but that’s probably because it wasn’t his own mom. 

“You two have fun while I was gone?” She asked while turning the radio down a bit, the same song still playing. Eddie nodded and smiled, but then he remembered the pasta. But before he could go and move the pot off the stove, Maggie did it instead. 

“Sorry I forgot about-” Eddie was shushed by her. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’ll just be a little overcooked is all. And Richie managed to distract you so I’m blaming it on him.” She laughed while Richie whined,  _ “Mom!” _ . Eddie couldn’t help but wish Maggie Tozier was his mother. “He charms people, believe me, I’d know.” She grinned and poured the pasta into a strainer in the sink. Richie went to a cupboard and grabbed a few glasses. 

“Eds, could you grab some bowls?” He asked. Eddie found the cupboard with bowls and set three on the dining table. Richie came over with a glass of water and two glasses with juice. The two sat down at the table next to each other, and Maggie soon came in with the food. 

Midway through eating, Richie’s phone started going off. Richie checked his phone under the table and Eddie kicked him, he lacked table manners. But when Eddie looked over Richie’s expression was deeply worried. 

“Uh, sorry I need to call someone. Like right away, sorry mom. Eddie you need to hear it too.” Maggie looked worried but let him and Richie go. Eddie had no idea what was happening, he and Richie were up in his room and he was on the phone with presumably Ben. All Eddie could understand was something happened with Beverly, and that it was really fucked. He couldn’t help but worry, it must have something to do with her father. The call went on for another 5 minutes, with Eddie asking what was going on only to be shushed. When Richie hung up he covered his face and sniffled. 

“Rich-?” 

“I’ll tell you in a sec it’s just- fucked.” Eddie pulled Richie towards him and hugged him tight, Bev was definitely in danger. Eddie could feel the anger and sadness radiate off of him and he couldn’t help but catch it himself. He was ready to curb stomp whoever hurt the girl. Richie pulled away and let out a controlled exhale. “Beverly’s dad did… um… he did- it again. And he broke her wrist. A-and she ran away and is at Ben’s but he can’t keep her there so the loser’s are all meeting here and I don’t know what to do! I can’t fucking-” Richie let out a heavy sob, Eddie was crying too, and on the bring of flipping his shit. But he took a deep breath. 

“We need to tell your mom. She could help, and I-I think her aunt is moving here soon s-so she’ll be safe.” Eddie spoke with a weak tone, he was terrified. He couldn’t even imagine what Beverly was thinking right now. 

“Yeah, yeah yeah yeah let’s go tell my mom-  _ Hey, our friend just got assaulted by her father and needs a roof for a few days!  _ She totally won’t flip her shit-” 

“Richie! Calm the fuck down, OK? Jesus-” Eddie rubbed his temples. “You’re mom is an adult, we’re fucking kids we need her help. And don’t fucking joke around right now!” Eddie yelled, Richie was obviously startled. Richie was  _ shaking _ , which wasn’t something you saw very often. He looked on the brink of tears.

“OK, shit sorry I’m just really overwhelmed-” Eddie grabbed his hands and held them tight. 

“And that’s OK, but we need to be strong for Beverly right now.” 

The boys had gone downstairs and noticed that everyone was already in the living room, and Maggie was tending to Beverly in the kitchen. It was dead silent minus Maggie asking Bev about what was going on. Ben was almost tomato red and pacing around like crazy, and Mike was going back and forth from the bathroom to grab more medical supplies. While Eddie went to go be in the living room with the others, Richie went to the kitchen to talk to his mom. He came over and stood next to his mom, he met eyes with Bev, who was forcing a smile for him. God did he hate that, he hated watching her force a smile while tear tracks run down her cheeks and her wrist is broken. Maggie continued talking to her, focusing herself on helping Bev. 

“This must hurt so badly hun, I’m sorry.” His mother said softly, she was doing her worried mom voice, Richie could recognize it anywhere. His mom, while actively trying to avoid the voice, did it as instinct. 

“It’s OK Mrs. Tozier.” Bev’s voice cracked midway through her sentence, she looked like she needed a break from the tending. 

“Are you comfortable telling me what happened?” Maggie asked while she gently wound a bandage around the girl’s wrist. Beverly’s composure broke then, her fake smile turning into a heartbreaking frown. More tears followed the tracks under her eyes and she shook her head. 

“I-I’d rather not…” She trailed off and looked at Richie, “But um, if Richie felt comfortable with telling you… you can ask him.” She held her wrist gently while Maggie nodded and let Beverly go back to the living room. She turned to Richie. 

“What’s going on?” His mother asked, she didn’t sound angry luckily, probably because she saw how serious the situation was. Richie took a deep breath and picked at his fingers. 

“Bev’s dad, he… he h-hurt her…” There was a lump forming in his throat. “He was the one who fucked up her w-wrist, and he did-” Richie choked up a sob, he couldn’t say anymore or he’d entirely break. His mother pulled him into her arms and combed her fingers through his hair. 

“Hey, it’s OK. You don’t need to say anymore.” She comforted him, he felt guilty. He shouldn’t be the one crying or asking for his mother’s comfort. He needed to protect Bev- he wished he could fix it. He wished him and Beverly had better dads, he just wanted her to have a mom like his  _ at least _ . 

“I need to st-stop crying. I have to f-fix it-” His mother shushed him and pulled away. She wiped a tear off his chin and wore a sad smile. 

“Richie, this isn’t a situation you can fix.” Maggie sighed, “I know you want to protect her, and I know it’s because you see her pain. But you’re only 15, darling.” Richie hiccuped and held her hand, she squeezed back. “I can help, OK? I’ll try and do something for her, she can stay with us if needed.” His mother kissed his forehead and hugged him again. But all he could think was  _ why can’t we do that? Why can’t we escape, why can’t we escape him?  _

“Why can’t we do that with dad?” He asked quietly, hoping no one in the living room could hear. “Why can’t we leave?” Maggie was quiet for a moment, she sucked in a lungful of air and rubbed her cheek in his hair. 

“We don’t have an opportunity, not yet at least-” She exhaled and he could tell his mother’s eyes were watery. “But the second we can, we will.” She pulled away again and pushed a hair away from Richie’s face. 

“OK.” He nodded, he was really hoping it wasn’t an empty promise. She turned to look at everyone in the living room. 

“Beverly, darling? I need to talk to you about something.” Maggie called. 

  
  


It was the next day and luckily for them it was the weekend, so everyone could process what happened. Bev was staying at Richie’s, she slept in his bed while Richie slept on the couch downstairs. Everyone eventually left except for Eddie, who shared the couch with him. Richie remembered the two of them crying and comforting each other until they passed out from emotional exhaustion. Bev borrowed one of Richie’s old shirts to sleep in and was wearing a pair of Ben’s sweatpants. Maggie called the police, despite Beverly practically begging her not to. They came and interviewed everyone in the house, the atmosphere was suffocating. And luckily Bev’s aunt would be here in a couple of days, she was going to hopefully adopt Beverly and give her a new home. There was some hope, at least. 

Richie woke up first, which was new for him. 

He slipped away from Eddie to go pour himself some cereal and maybe make something for Bev, Eddie, and his mom. His mind was groggy, but his mind still raced with outcomes and fears. His hands still shook from anxiety, all he wanted to do was chew off his fingers. In the middle of eating a shaky spoonful of cocoa puffs, there were footsteps from the staircase. He turned around to see Bev, she was shivering- either from anxiety or the cooler air in the house, maybe both. Richie waved to her, smacking on a smile for her benefit. She wandered over and sat on the counter. 

“How are you?” He asked, he immediately regretted asking. He should know better than to ask, especially after last night. She smiled at him and laced her fingers together in her lap. 

“I’m… fine.” She muttered, she looked absolutely exhausted. Her eyes said it all. Her skin looked more dull than usual, as if her dampened spirit washed away the color in her. Richie’s eyebrows drew together, he was really worried. He jumped up onto the counter and sat next to her while he rubbed his hand around her back. She looked like she  _ wanted  _ to cry, but nothing came out. 

“I- I shouldn’t have asked, sorry.” Richie said, Beverly shook her head and leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“It’s OK…” There was silence, all you could hear was the wind blowing outside. The two sat together and silently comforted each other. Richie understood how she felt, his dad was also a complete shithead. His dad also broke his bones, but his dad never touched him the way Bev’s dad did. He, at least, wasn’t predatory towards his kid. That made Richie especially upset, all he wanted was to mutilate her father and burn him alive. He wanted him to understand the  _ pain _ he put his daughter through. But he knew that thinking those things didn’t help now, all he could do was be there for her. He needed to think clearly, even if it was difficult. 

The two of them heard a rustle in the living room, making them both flinch. But it was just Eddie, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. He stood up and came into the kitchen, finding the two of them there. Eddie looked equally as exhausted as Beverly, his hair was a mess too. Eddie sat up on the counter along with the two of them, he wrapped a blanket around all their shoulders and rested his hand over Richie’s. Then, she started to cry. Her hands wiped continuous tears away and she heaved. The two boys held her closer. 

“Ben wanted to take me on a date today-” She said through sobs, “And my da-dad found out…” The three of them cried together. 

  
  


**Sophomore Year - February **

  
  


It was the night of the sophomore dance February 4th, and Eddie and Bev were getting ready together at her aunt’s. She was smiling, it was such a contrast from a month ago. Luckily for Beverly, everything had died down quickly. She lived with her aunt now, and her aunt lived a couple houses down from Richie, so they would go share packs in her backyard when Richie wasn’t with Eddie or she wasn’t with Ben. Eddie didn’t know what happened to her dad, she refused to answer questions about him, all she would say was  _ “He won’t be near me anymore.” _ She had missed a couple of weeks of school after that night, but just tried to focus on making everyone’s clothes for the dance. She had told Eddie all about how well sewing was as a coping mechanism. She started therapy too, she had tried to convince Eddie himself to attend an appointment, but he rejected it. He didn’t feel safe enough to go, but he was glad she had a safe place. She was recovering well, Eddie couldn’t help but be happy for her. The only thing that wasn’t going well for her was her relationship with Ben. Not because they fought or anything- she just had a hard time letting him touch her. She would flinch away sometimes when Ben tried to put his arm around her, and they hadn’t kissed  _ at all, _ but Ben understood. Eddie knew how grateful Beverly was to have such an understanding person in her life. Her and Eddie hung out more than they did before, mainly due to the lack of her shitty dad in her life, she painted his nails every week. Eddie looked down at his hands, she had just painted them today. They were a dark red with sparkles in them.

Beverly turned back to him, her smile was such a nice thing to see. 

“OK, Eddie, what do you think of this necklace- is it too much?” She asked, she dangled a pearl necklace in front of his face. In his opinion, it was perfect. She had on a lovely white silk dress, it reached to her knees and had a sweetheart neckline. It showed off her freckled shoulders and it made her blue eyes pop. 

“Yeah! It would look great!” He smiled, Beverly hadn’t shown him his suit yet- and she dropped Richie’s off earlier that day. But she assured him it was gonna make him look  _ “as cute as a button.”  _ She also mentioned maybe doing his makeup- but he wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not. Beverly clipped on the necklace and adjusted it on her collarbone. She looked a bit like a ginger Marilyn Monroe. She put on a headband to push her hair back. She sat at her vanity and started to prep her face for her makeup. Before powdering some blush on her cheeks, she turned back to Eddie. 

“Your suit is hung on the back of my closet door, go put it on!” She grinned at him before pulling a weird face in the mirror while dusting blush on her face. Eddie walked over to her closet and opened it, quickly finding the suit hung on the door. He thanked her before heading out into the hallway to find the bathroom. Eddie had only been at her new place a couple of times before today, so he only knew where Beverly’s room was and the bathroom. He hadn’t run into her aunt yet, but he was kinda glad he hadn’t since he had no idea how to talk to her. Eddie walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, he quickly unzipped the plastic garment and unzipped the second black one. His eyes met with a beautiful dark red blazer with black floral patterns stitched in, the red was a soft velvet that made him shiver. Eddie could already imagine what Richie’s looked like. Eddie took out the suit and the tie, which was made of silk and was the same color as the flowers. He loved it already and he didn’t even have it on. Eddie put on the dress pants and the stark white button up. He tucked in the shirt and fixed the tie underneath the collar. Finally, he slid on the blazer. He took a look at himself in the mirror- he didn’t know he could pull off a suit, but here he was. Though the color did bring out his pimples, which he was very upset about, they showed up that morning. He buttoned the blazer and headed back to Beverly’s room. When he walked back in the room she had turned around in her chair and her entire face lit up. 

“You look  _ amazing _ !” She got up and straightened his tie with a wide smile on her cheeks. Eddie couldn’t help but notice how even she was taller than him. Eddie grinned and straightened his cuffs, ready to go and put his shoes on to go meet up with Ben and Richie. She halted him, “I thought I was gonna do your makeup?” Oh, he didn’t know she was serious. 

“Oh, right. OK, where do you want me to sit?” He asked, she led him to a stool next to her vanity. He sat himself down and watched the girl pull out an eyeshadow palette with mostly neutral colors placed inside, he wondered if the brushes would hurt his eyes- he hadn’t ever worn makeup before. Beverly grabbed a small, square cut brush and picked up a brown. 

“OK, look up at the ceiling, but only with your eyes.” Eddie did as he was told and could feel the brush glide across his waterline, it wasn’t as bad as he thought. It wasn’t pleasant but he could understand going through the effort to do makeup. She pulled away and grabbed something that looked like a pencil, “You don’t have to keep looking now, I’m gonna do your eyebrows.” She stated, he didn’t know that was a thing. Was the pencil to color them in? Was she going to make them all funny shaped? Eddie knew he could trust her, so he just observed the odd faces she made while she worked. Her makeup looked nice, she wore lipgloss and her eyelashes were darker. Her skin was nice too, she looked almost like porcelain. He hoped he looked as good as she did, but it’s a little hard to compete with Beverly Marsh when it comes to looks. Eddie pushed the wave of insecurity off of him while she pulled away. 

“Are you done?” 

“No, unless you don’t like having a stick with black goop on it near your eyes.” 

“What?” He asked, understandably confused. Maybe that’s what Beverly had on her eyelashes. 

“Mascara, makes your lashes more bold. I did it on mine.” Eddie was still confused, his eyebrow drew up and Bev rolled her eyes. “It won’t hurt, you just have to blink when I ask you, OK?” She pulled out a tube that was turquoise and purple and unscrewed it. It had an odd wand on the lid and looked nasty. 

“Ew.”

“Don’t ‘ew’ me, Eddie. I need you to look at the ceiling again.” So he did, and he could feel the presence of the wand near his eyeball. “Blink.” She ordered. And then again, and again. Then they repeated on the other eye. His eyes were watering a bit, he moved his hand to rub his eye but before he even touched his face she warned him not to. “It’ll smear, and I know you want to look your best for Richie.” Eddie sighed and looked at the tube of lipgloss that she left on the vanity, something in his mind was begging to wear it.  _ I’d look even more like Beverly, she looks gorgeous, doesn’t she? _ The small voice in his head asked, he stood up and swiped it. He looked at it while Bev grabbed a brown cardigan from her closet. She turned to him and noticed his fascination with the gloss. She plucked the tube out of his hand and opened it. 

“Sorry, I was just looking.” 

“No, come here.” Beverly shuffled over and smothered his lips in the gloss. It felt weird, it made his lips sticky and it tasted like strawberries. He took a look at himself in the mirror once again. He looked good, his confidence was through the roof right now despite his cursed skin. He was worried the red would bring out his acne. Beverly headed downstairs and Eddie followed close behind. The two put on their shoes, Bev wore a pair of pearl white heels and Eddie just wore the nicest shoes he could find in his closet, his dad’s old work shoes. Beverly grabbed a cream colored purse off a bag hook and took a quick once over, she dropped the lip gloss in there and Eddie could hear her keys jingle. She looked back at him, “You ready to go?” She asked. Eddie nodded quickly.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” He let out a shaky breath, she must’ve heard him because before she opened the door she walked over to him. 

“What’s wrong?” Her voice lowered, he really didn’t want to put any of his emotional baggage on her right now. He didn’t want his anxiety to ruin the first good night Bev was going to have in weeks. He stayed quiet, Beverly took his hands in her own. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?” Eddie nodded and looked down at his feet. 

“I just don’t want to put my problems on you, you already have enough going on in your life, and I don’t want to make you feel bad.” His hands were a bit shaky, he noticed how badly his anxiety had gotten since that night. He constantly worried about his friends getting hurt, or taken. He was scared that he’d wake up and Richie would be gone. Many nights as of late, when Richie snuck in, he’d blow up in tears, panic coursing through him just from the idea that Richie might have not shown up. Beverly rubbed her thumb on Eddie’s knuckles. 

“Eddie, I’m gonna be honest, it’s nice hearing about your bullshit. Wait- I didn’t word that correctly-” She let out a breathy chuckle. “When you confide in me, it lets me know that I can do the same with you. I want to help you feel better, because I know you would for me.” Eddie’s hands were more stable now. “So like, no matter how small your problem is, I want to hear about it. And sometimes hearing you complain about the smallest shit is really funny, I can understand why Richie enjoys riling you up so much.” Eddie’s heart twitched at Richie’s name. “I can understand that you like, don’t want to hurt me by accident, I’m sensitive right now and I’ve been through shit. But I don’t want you to treat me differently, because that makes me feel- honestly? It makes me feel like I’m not strong enough to handle it myself.” Beverly had a kind smile on. 

“You are strong enough, I know that.” Eddie mumbled. 

“Good, now tell me what’s up, because lately I’ve been missing out on what’s going on in your noggin.” Beverly giggled. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I’m just nervous about going to the dance,  _ with Richie _ specifically. Like- I don’t know how to act.” Eddie sighed. 

“I don’t really know dude, maybe kiss him?” Beverly joked. 

“Haha, yeah right.” 

“It’s gotta happen eventually, kid. You can’t hide your feelings forever.” She said before unlocking the door. “Just treat him how you normally do- sly comments, awkward flirting, PDA. Everyone in the world already thinks you're dating anyway.” They slipped outside and Bev locked the door behind them. 

“I would hope not! My mom would throw me in conversion camp if she knew the ‘situation’.” Eddie did an exaggerated throwing motion into the street while Beverly laughed.   
“Whatever, you two will be fine, promise. And SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!” Bev called down the block, where Richie and Ben stood. They both turned to look at them, Ben smiled wide and him and Bev ran at each other, the boy had his arms out for a hug and Beverly hesitantly, hugged him back. Eddie jogged behind Bev and when he and Richie were in a feet’s range of each other, Eddie knew his heart was going to pop from how much blood was pumping. Richie was, in fact, wearing a matching suit. It was almost inverted, the main color being black velvet and the flower print being a lovely blue. Richie wore a tie, it wasn’t fixed up properly so it was a little skewed. His hair looked brushed for once, but it was still a mess, his hair wasn’t something that could be tamed. Richie had his undershirt only half tucked in and his blazer was unbuttoned. Eddie couldn’t help but want to fix it all up, he wanted to straighten his tie, tuck in his shirt and button his blazer. Eddie knew he could probably get away with doing all three, but instead, he went up to the boy and straightened his tie. He tugged on it a bit before pulling away, just so he could see the pink dash across Richie’s freckled cheeks. Eddie was a bit overwhelmed by how good Richie looked in formal wear, Eddie never really had seen him dawn anything fancy before. He remembered at the middle school dance he just wore a tuxedo t-shirt that made him look like a dumbass. Past Eddie would swoon knowing Richie could pull off a proper suit. Richie, as a comeback, pushed back a piece of hair that dangled in front of his eyes. Now he was blushing, this game really ticked Eddie off, Richie always could find a new way to make him fluster. 

“Lookin’ good, babe.” Richie said while he sent a wink his way. Eddie’s heart pounded in his chest.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Rich.” Eddie giggled, he felt giddy. It was the feeling he got whenever Richie snuck into his room, or when he stays out later than what his mom allows. Richie seemed mesmerized by him, he couldn’t understand why, especially since Richie was a sight to behold. Richie held Eddie’s cheek in his hand, seemingly observing his face. Eddie’s cheeks flushed pink by the attention. 

“Are you wearing makeup?” He asked, now the blush was from embarrassment. Maybe Richie didn’t like makeup on him, it made him feel self conscious and he didn’t even know if Richie liked it or not. 

“Uh, yeah. Do you not like it?” Eddie asked, a slight bit of anxiety twinging at the end of his sentence. Richie’s eyes blew big and he frantically shook his head. 

“No! It looks really cute. You can pull off anything, Eds.” Richie smiled. “Did Bev do it for you?” 

“Yeah, I like it a lot.” Eddie paused, he looked up at Richie. “You would look nice in makeup too.” The other boy’s cheeks turned bright red before turning to face Ben and Bev, with Eddie’s hand held in his. 

“You know when Mike is gonna show up?” Richie asked, Ben took out his phone and glanced at his notifications. 

“He says they’ll be here in about fifteen minutes, apparently his truck had a bit of trouble starting up before they left.” Richie nodded and looked back at Eddie, his blush still there. 

“I’m so upset Mike got his license before me.” Richie commented. 

“Why?” Beverly asked.

“I wanted to be the designated driver friend! I wanted to be able to sneak Eds out late at night for romantic picnics under the stars like those movies you’re obsessed with.” Beverly rolled her eyes and hooked her arm around Ben’s. 

“Rich, if you ever take me on a cheesy date like that, I’ll kill you.” Eddie stated, he didn’t know why he phrased it as if they were dating, but at this point it was indistinguible whether or not they were. He was fairly sure that Mike thought they started dating on Halloween, he hasn’t really explained the situation to anyone other than Beverly, he should get on that. He needed some Mike advice at the moment anyways, all the advice he had gotten was  _ just kiss him _ or  _ tell him how you feel _ . Like hell Eddie was going to do either, he wasn’t backing down like that. This was almost a competition now, and he wasn’t letting Richie hold that above him for the rest of his life. 

“I know you’d love a date like that, babe. Molly Ringwald here has told me you also like her romance movies.” Richie smirked, Beverly hid her mouth and giggled. 

“Beverly! I thought I could trust you!” 

“Sorry Eddie, it’s hard to hide any of your secrets around Richie.” She winked at him, he really wasn’t hoping she wasn’t referring to  _ that  _ secret. 

“I’m not judgin’ Eddie, it’s cute. I’ll take you wherever you want as soon as I get my license.” Richie hooked his arm around Eddie and pulled him in a half hug. Eddie succumbed to the affection and rested his cheek on the boy’s shoulder. He was already tired and it was only 6. He had homework he needed to get done as well, but he’d do it tomorrow. 

“What’re we gonna do until they get here?” Ben asked politely. Eddie had finally taken a look at Ben’s outfit, he could tell Bev made it for him. It was a deep pink with vertical black stripes on the blazer. He looked rather handsome, him and Beverly looked like a lovely pair. 

“I dunno, I’m kinda tired from standing in these heels. Could we go sit in my backyard?” Beverly suggested, everyone agreed and headed back to her house. Eddie closed the back gate behind him and sat himself next to Richie on the porch, who was already lighting himself a cigarette. Eddie forced himself not to gag, he hated the smell. He was worried that if he kissed Richie his mouth would taste like cigarettes, he knew Richie brushed his teeth, but he sure as hell wasn’t gonna let him kiss him after having a whole cig to himself. Richie passed the cigarette over to Beverly, she hadn’t been able to get her own packs recently since her aunt doesn’t smoke. 

“Do you think Mike is gonna bring any weed?” Richie asked, Eddie hoped Mike didn’t. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get high or anything, he just didn’t want to smoke, it was bad for his lungs. He also wanted to be sober tonight. 

“No, probably not. He said he doesn’t want to be all fucked up for Bill’s sake.” Ben answered, Richie nodded and took another drag from the cig and passed it back to Bev. 

“That’s OK, I kinda want to remember Ed's cute little face when we dance together.” Richie teased. 

“I’m not little, I’m average height. You’re just a beanstalk.” Eddie shot back. 

“Is it average height to be shorter than Bev?” Richie retorted, he smiled at him and pulled Eddie to lay in his lap. Eddie rested his head on the other’s thigh, ignoring his remarks. He stared at the empty backyard in front of him, it had a lot of weeds, he assumed Bev’s aunt didn’t have time to mow the lawn or get a gardener. Eddie wondered what it was like to not live in a boring, suburban neighborhood. He couldn’t imagine what it was like not having a house with two stories, or a big backyard. The kinda craved leaving something like this behind, he knew he would of course, with Richie. But the small tastes of that life he only ever got from going to Mike’s farm or when Beverly used to live in the apartments. He wanted to leave the sheltered bubble of his neighborhood. Tonight, he was breaking out of that bubble a little, he left his mother’s to go to a school dance, something she would never allow. Eddie left his train of thought and focused on the current conversation. 

“How does Mike even get his weed? He couldn’t be buying it from anyone at school, they all just sell oregano with rolling papers.” Beverly asked, stomping a cigarette butt underneath her heel. The action gave her an even more powerful aura. 

“I think his parents grow it or something, I think he’s mentioned to me before about how his dad uses it to help his joint pain.” Richie replied, he snaked his hand into Eddie’s. There was a sudden loud honk that came from the front of Bev’s house, Eddie already knew it was Mike. He hopped up from his seat and lifted Richie with him. He looked over to Ben, who offered Beverly a hand for her to hold. They walked to the front porch and were met with the three other boys sending a friendly wave, Stan whistled at Eddie’s suit, granting a laugh from the others. 

“We all seemed to have stepped up our game from last time, huh?” Mike commented, and they sure did. The last dance they went to they put zero effort into looking nice, mainly because they knew they’d be outcasted anyway. Eddie remembered rummaging through his closet only to find an old dress shirt with a trashy looking bowtie. 

“I bet if I didn’t make Richie something to wear he would’ve shown up in his tuxedo t-shirt again.” Bev snorted, Eddie also remembered that, it looked horrible. He even remembered Richie’s mom offering to buy her son a suit but he rejected it. 

“I thought I was the shit, OK? I found it funny.” Richie replied while approaching the truck with Eddie in tow. 

“We have one extra seat up here by the way, if anyone is interested.” Stan mentioned, patting the seat next to him. 

“I-I think Beverly should ha-have the seat. Sh-she’s wearing a d-dress, so…” Bill argued. 

“Well, as much as I believe I deserve that seat, I guess she can have it.” Richie joked, he hopped into the back of the truck and reached a hand out for Eddie. Beverly quickly jumped into the seat inside the truck not before kissing Ben’s cheek. Eddied climbed in with the help of Richie and sat next to him. Ben seated himself across from the two of them, a small smile on his cheeks from the affection Bev showed him. Luckily the back of the truck wasn’t too dirty, so their suits wouldn’t be ruined. Eddie leaned on Richie’s shoulder, being careful to avoid messing up his own hair. He felt the car start up and soon they were off. 

When Richie entered the intensely decorated gym with the losers, he was almost ready for another repeat of last time, but luckily the people in Derry High have little care for anyone but themselves. Richie scanned the room, everyone looked pretty much the same, pink sequin dresses, black tuxes, it was a disappointing crowd to say the least. He was pretty sure him and his friends were the most interesting people there, but maybe he was being biased. Eddie looked amazed by the bright lights, as if he had never been to a dance before. Him and Eddie had walked in holding hands, but a voice in the back of his head told him to let go.  _ It’s unsafe, they’ll know, they’ll hurt you. _ He knew it was just a feeling, a feeling he gained because of Bower’s insistent homophobia and his own father’s convictions. He shouldn’t let this feeling take over his actions, but he didn’t want to risk it. 

He could tell Eddie was a little concerned when Richie let go of his hand, but he didn’t mention it. Richie couldn’t help but envy Ben and Beverly for their ability to go in with confidence, while he stood in fear of holding a boy’s hand. He pushed that thought in the back of his mind to let it simmer. He headed over to the bleachers inside the gym, following the rest of the group. Beverly was already bopping quietly to the pop song playing and so was Bill. Richie sat down next to Stan, who was reading something on his phone. You could see the reflection on his new glasses he got a few days ago. Stan was wearing a grey vest over a white button up, he had a grey-blue tie on as well. His hair was styled fairly nicely, it was probably done by his mother. Eddie sat along with him and stared blankly into the crowd of people dancing while Bill fumbled over the words to a song nobody else liked. Richie had the urge to pull Eddie’s hand into his, it was like a magnetic pull. But in his mind this pull would drag along a truck of problems he was too nervous to confront at that moment. Beverly pulled Ben into the clump of people to dance while Bill and Mike stayed to convince Stan to dance with them. 

“C’mon Stan, please? We don’t wanna dance without you, love.” Mike pleaded, Bill nodding in agreement. Stan rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“I’m not a dancer, you two know that.” Stan set his phone down next to him to cross his arms. 

“Stan the man, just go. You don’t have to hide that you want to, you’ve been excited to dance with them for weeks.” Richie chimed in, hoping Stan would finally let up so him and Eddie could be alone. Stan did mention to him about how badly he wanted to dance with his boyfriends, so Richie wasn’t wrong.   
“Yeah Stan, you should go. Don’t let other shit put you down.” Eddie stated. Stan stood up with a huff, mumbling flustered curses under his breath. Richie watched the three of them dance, Stan’s face noticeably pink. Eddie chuckled while Mike spun Stan around. Richie sighed, wishing his nerves would back off. Eddie tugged on Richie’s jacket sleeve, his heart pounding loud in his ears. 

“Uh, what’s up?” Richie said, trying not to stumble on his words. 

“Don’t you want to dance?” Eddie asked. Richie felt a lump form in his throat, he didn’t want to tell Eddie he didn’t want to dance. If he told him why he was scared he would be dismissive and get upset with him, he just wanted to feel like the rest of his friends. All of them are finally letting go of their fears that were built up by Bower’s, why wasn’t he? He couldn’t hide it from Eddie, he knew that ultimately he would understand.

“I’m just… scared.” Richie mumbled, glancing at Eddie’s loving eyes. “What if people, y’know… hurt me? Like Bower’s? I can’t handle those insults anymore, Eddie.” He spoke softly to avoid his voice cracking, he felt Eddie’s hand fit into his, a familiar sense of comfort filled his lungs. Eddie got up, his hand still holding Richie’s. 

“Follow me.” Eddie said, Richie obviously followed him, hoping he would be taken somewhere away from here. They went through the double doors that lead to the school’s hallway. Eddie stopped in the middle of the corridor and let go of Richie’s hand. 

“Why are we out here?” Richie asked, slightly confused by Eddie’s actions. Eddie gave him a warm smile and a hand reaching out. 

“We don’t have to dance in front of everybody, we can still hear the music out here anyway.” Richie hesitated to reach for his hand, “I wasn’t exactly ready to dance in front of everyone anyway.” Richie finally grabbed Eddie’s hand and grinned, his anxiety floating away. Richie twirled Eddie around, feeling excitement in his feet. Eddie giggled and started to bounce around to the only slightly annoying pop song playing. Richie’s heart was starting to melt, Eddie really knew how to wrap people around his finger, he’s had Richie since they were kids. Richie bounced with him, knowing his moves were terrible. And while Eddie was doing the same, bad moves, he looked so  _ handsome _ . A word he hated, mainly because it reminds him of when his mother would dress him up to go somewhere and she would fiddle with his tie, calling him her  _ “Sweet, handsome man.” _ But with Eddie the word applied wonderfully. Eddie was very handsome, especially in the suit Beverly made for him. He clasped both his hands with Eddie’s while they spun around giggling. Eddie always knew how to make Richie feel safe, welcomed. He was so grateful to know him, he wished he could express to him how much Richie appreciated all he did for him. Eddie’s smile was as bright as ever, especially due to his obsessive teeth brushing. Eddie was practically an angel to Richie, he might not seem like it to others, but Eddie is the closest he’s ever met to an angelic being. Richie didn’t believe in fate or luck or even god but he knew something in the universe knew he and Eddie needed each other. 

They danced for what felt like 5 minutes but in actuality must’ve been half an hour because quickly a gentle tune started playing from the other side of the wall. The boys looked at each other, both knowing it was the slow dance. Eddie hesitantly wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, Richie’s mind was frantic. He almost forgot he had to put his hands on the other boy’s waist. There was an air of teenage awkwardness around them, they stood quite far apart despite them being closer than this hundreds of times. Richie wanted to be closer, he didn’t want to be afraid this time. No one could see them anyway, so he whispered, hoping Eddie could hear;

“ _ We don’t have to be scared. _ ” Eddie must’ve heard since he took a step closer to Richie, a nervous smile on his face. Richie felt his cheeks go warm, he took a step closer too. Now they stood in each other’s space, breathing the same air. Eddie shuffled to rest his head on Richie’s chest, they adjusted their arms to fit more into a hug. They hugged while swaying back and forth. Richie knew this wasn’t exactly dancing but he wasn’t gonna ruin the moment to be a smartass. His heart was beating quickly and loudly, it pounded through his ears. He knew Eddie could hear it with his ear pressed up on his chest.  _ This would be the time. _ The thought echoed through his head, it would, wouldn’t it?  _ Tell him you love him, it’s the perfect moment. School dances are when people finally kiss the person they’ve been crushing on all year. Just do it- _

“Rich-”

“Eds-” They spoke at the same time, maybe Eddie was thinking it was time too. 

“Oh, you go first-” 

“No it’s fine Eddie you can go-” Eddie pulled away slightly to look into Richie’s eyes, a nervous tinge in the air. 

“Richie…” He said slowly, his voice sounded held back, and his eyes were wet. “I just wanted to tell you…” Eddie held in a breath, and released it. “I-” 

“Oh! Th-that’s where y-you two have b-been!” Spoke Bill, who had slammed open the gym doors, startling the two of them. The rest of the loser’s followed in behind him, all giggling to each other, excluding Bev. She took a once over of the two of them and sent an apologetic look at them. Richie couldn’t hate his friends more than he did then. Eddie pulled himself away but still held his hand. Beverly whispered into Ben’s ear, his face turning sour. She probably told him what they just interrupted. Everyone sat down onto the dirty school tiles and fanned themselves, since it was hot in the gym with all the people. 

“Uh, did the slow dance end?” Eddie asked shyly, his voice a bit squeakier than usual. Mike nodded at him, sweat dripping off his forehead. 

“Yeah, we also got bored in there- plus we were worried about you two, y'all just disappeared out of nowhere.” Mike grinned. “I sure got a work out from dancing though, Bill’s hard to keep up with when his favorite song is on.” 

“Pfff y-yeah, we tuckered St-Stan out, he’s b-barely awake on Mike’s sh-shoulder.” Richie glanced at Mike’s shoulder and Bill was right, Stan was basically asleep. He looked like he had fun though. “Wh-what’s got you all s-sour R-Richie? Did we in-interrupt something?” Bill asked, Richie let out a sigh and sat down on the floor, dragging Eddie with him. 

“Um, no, it’s nothing.” Richie replied quickly while resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie gave him a sympathetic look, they both seemed to know what was gonna happen and then it all got messed up.  _ Always next time, _ Richie thought. Beverly straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat. 

“We also came out here since we all felt kind of, out of place? You know?” She continued, “The loser’s aren’t exactly built for dances, as we’ve learned before.” She sent a look at Bill before she spoke again. “Maybe next year we won’t go to the Junior’s dance, but I refuse to skip Prom. It’s like the most important dance in your life.” She giggled to herself. 

“I agree with Beverly,” Eddie chimed in, “I think we shouldn’t go to the dance next year but we should go to prom.” He cautiously smiled, his hand snaking into Richie’s. Everyone mumbled in agreement before one of the gym doors squeaked open, out came the gym coach. Richie recognized him from freshman year gym and from watching one of Bill’s soccer games. He looked directly at Bill with a stern face. 

“You kids aren’t supposed to be out here, you know that, right?” He said, his voice gravelly. Bill straightened his shoulders and looked up at him, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. 

“Can w-we please stay ou-out here, C-coach? Me and my fr-friends are feeling a b-bit cramped i-in there…” He pleaded. He gave Bill a sharp glare. 

“The boys have been asking about you, they wanted to see you and meet your date- You did bring a girl with you, right?” Bill visibly gulped and looked to Mike and Stan, who nodded at him. 

“I… I-I didn’t bring a d-d-date with me, n-no.” Bill’s stutter gets more noticeable when he lies, it’s charming in any other situation than this. “C-can you j-just tell th-them I d-d-didn’t show up? I w-wanna stay out h-here.” Bill fidgeted with his hands, you could tell the coach hit a soft spot with that question. The older man grumbled something under his beard and sighed. 

“OK, just don’t tell anyone you’re out here, alright?” He looked at everyone and the group replied in a nod. “You better be glad I like ya, Bill.” He headed back into the gym while Bill slumped against the wall, Mike’s arm comforting him. Ben tilted his head to look at Bill, who was shaking. 

“What was that about?” He asked. 

“I, I haven’t c-come out to th-the team y-yet.” Bill mumbled. “I-it just seems r-really unsafe right n-now.” Ben nodded and sent him a small smile. 

“We’re here for you, dude. If any of them give you shit I’m sure we’ll all be up for kicking their asses.” Bill chuckled at the comment and leaned into Mike’s chest, Stan held his hand. 

“I think we all should head home, tonight has been pretty intense.” Mike suggested, he grabbed his keys from his pocket before standing up. “Lets go.” 

  
  
  


It was February 10th, almost a week since the dance and Eddie finally managed to convince his mother to let him near Mike’s farm. He really needed advice from him, there was almost a secret agreement among the loser’s that Mike was a person you go to for advice. Eddie was really depending on him, he had no idea how to tell Richie how he felt after the failure at the dance.

When Eddie’s mother drove up the dusty road and pulled over to Mike’s house he expected her to threaten him, tell him if he doesn’t come home clean he’d get grounded or she would take his comics away- but she hadn’t. He stepped out of the car without a word coming from her, not even to ask for a kiss on the cheek. Eddie tried not to think too hard about it, he didn’t want to accidentally set off a bomb that might be ready to blow. He turned and waved goodbye, she waved back with a pitiful smile on her face. He hoped that smile wasn’t meant to make him feel bad. Eddie jogged up to the front door and knocked lightly, hoping it wasn’t too loud to avoid annoying Mike’s parents. 

“Hey Eddie!” He looked behind him and saw Mike dusting off his hands. He approached Eddie with a smile and pulled him in for a quick hug, not too long to avoid getting Eddie dirty. Eddie appreciated Mike bothering to care about that. 

“Hi Mike.” Eddie said, absent mindedly dusting himself off anyway even though he wasn’t dirty. 

“Come with me, let’s sit in the truck.” Mike grabbed his keys and unlocked the car, a honk indicating it’s open. Eddie hopped into the passenger’s seat with Mike sitting across from him. He handed Eddie a can of coke and cracked open his own in one of the cup holders. Eddie accepted the offer and took a long sip, feeling the almost freezing drink go down his throat. Mike sipped his own can and cracked his neck while rolling back his shoulders. Eddie did have to admit, Mike was very handsome, he wondered how someone as kind and amazing ended up in their friend group. Mike knew Eddie when he spat garbage out his mouth to anyone who ticked him off in the slightest bit, and when he would insist on using an inhaler whenever he was too stressed- he didn’t understand how he didn’t scare Mike off. Eddie placed the coke in the cupholder and smiled.

“Thanks for getting me a drink, you didn't have to.” He said, trying to be as polite as possible. He had an intention of annoying Mike with his problems, he could at least be nice about it. He felt bad for having something he needed from the guy. 

“Oh no it’s cool man, I needed one anyway- I’ve been working pretty much all day.” Mike said with a kind grin. “What brings you to the Hanlon farm? Not to work, I assume.” He commented with a slight bit of amusement in his voice. Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Well you’ve got that right,” Eddie paused to take another sip of his drink. “I just needed to talk to you, I guess.” Eddie mumbled behind the can of soda, feeling embarrassed for needing help. Mike adjusted in his seat to look at Eddie. 

“So you’re in need of my famous advice, huh?” He asked, the humor still there. Eddie snorted. 

“Yeah, sorry for springing it on you like this. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to-” 

“No no, I wanna hear it. I like helping my friends.” Mike sent another sweet grin at Eddie before sticking his keys in the car and turning them, the engine rumbling under Eddie’s feet. 

“Where are we going?” Eddie asked. 

“Nowhere in particular, just talk, I’m listening.” Mike pulled out of his driveway and onto the dusty road, his mom’s car tracks still imprinted in the dirt. Eddie sighed, anxious to talk about it. “It’s OK Eddie, talk to me. I promise I won’t laugh at you or anything.” Eddie readjusted himself in his seat and clasped his hands together, taking out all his nerves on the pressure of his palms. 

“OK. I have like, a giant crush on Richie you might not know-”

“I know.” Mike stated. Eddie was upset he was so obvious, but he continued. 

“-I don’t know how to tell him, or when! Like in movies there’s always  _ the _ moment and I feel like I never have it because each moment feels like that! Like-” Eddie paused, trying to think of an example. “Like at the dance last week! I thought that was the time! I was about to tell him but then everyone decided to stroll in like none of you guys just ruined a MOMENT I was having!” Eddie stopped to take a breather, and another sip of his drink. He stared out the window, anxiety rumbling in his brain. Mike turned to the right with the car and continued down another dirt road. 

“Well, Eddie, I think you do know when that  _ moment _ is.” 

“No, I don’t think I do.” Eddie huffed. 

“Eddie, listen to me, OK. This is very important advice-” Mike leaned over a bit to tell Eddie the advice, Eddie was a bit worried they’d crash but he trusted Mike. “There’s no moment, those moments in movies? They don’t really happen.” Mike pulled back to his seat and continued looking at the road. “You decide them Eddie, they aren’t something magical that just appear when you need it. You could tell him you like him at school or when you two are arguing over the hammock.” He said in the kindest, but most brutally honest way he could. Eddie thought about it for a moment, he could easily stop the prancing around each other, he could’ve stopped all the teasing and flirting, whenever he wanted? 

“But-” 

“Nope, no buts. I’m right and you need to accept it and kiss that poor guy already.” Mike said with a smile, he lightly punched Eddie’s arm. 

“Did realizing that convince you to tell Bill and Stan how you felt?” Eddie asked.

“Uh, yeah. I mean- it was definitely an impulsive moment. I think with that sort of thing you shouldn’t think about it too hard.” Mike continued onto a road that looked like the road to his farm. Eddie sighed, Mike’s advice was a little too honest for him.

“You’re almost as brutal as Stan with this stuff.” Eddie sipped his drink trying not to choke from the laughter. Mike chuckled and pulled around back to the front of his house. 

“Yeah well, kinda learned it from him. He’s influenced me a lot.” He parked the truck and patted Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m just nicer about it, Stan on the other hand will get so annoyed it’ll kind of guilt you into taking the advice. It’s not a bad thing, it can just be hard to hear.” Eddie hid a small grin behind the can of coke he was drinking from, he definitely felt more comfortable about telling Richie now. He looked over to Mike, smiling wide. 

“Thanks, Mike. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to convince myself to try again if I hadn’t talked to you.” Mike smiled back and stepped out of the car, he gestured to Eddie to come with. Eddie followed and was met with a tight and heartwarming hug. 

“It’s no worries Eddie, I’m glad I was able to help.” 

  
  


Richie was hanging out with Stan at the library, wandering around with him while he picked out books to read in his freetime. Richie was just reading some of the ridiculous titles out loud, trying to make this a less boring experience. Normally, Richie would be with Eddie right now, but today he said he had to go to Mike’s to work on a project even though Richie knew they didn’t have a class together. He tried not to dwindle on it- he knew it didn’t have to do with Richie. Despite that he was still curious about what he was doing, but he normally wonders that if he and Eddie aren’t together.

“Do you think Eds and Mike are having fun studying right now?” Richie asked, realizing he was bored of just announcing shitty books. Stan shrugged and picked up a new novel and put it in his conglomerate of books. Richie knew he would have to help Stan carry some of those later since he refused to bring a backpack with him. “Do you know what project they’re working on? I’m in like every class with Eddie and I’ve  _ never  _ seen Mike in one.” Stan turned back to him, his eyebrow twitching. 

“No, I don’t.” Stan said while pulling a chair up to one of the many brown and dusty tables. Richie sat next to him and tapped his fingers on the wood, enjoying the pleasant noises it made. “What, are you like, jealous or something?” Stan asked, he put the books into two small stacks decided in size. Richie flinched at the question, he wasn’t. He was just worried that the dance the week before made things awkward and that Eddie was starting to avoid him. Their conversations have been shorter but they were still as affectionate as usual. Normally that meant things were OK. So no, he wasn’t jealous. 

“No. I’m just like, wondering I guess. I hope he’s having fun.” Stan glanced at him with an eyebrow quirked up but didn’t say anything. Richie had been sitting on what happened at the dance for a while now and he was pretty sure he knew what was gonna happen but… he was scared he would be wrong. He was scared that this was all some dream and that he was just imagining these things. Richie sighed and hid his face in his arms on the table, he felt like he was being eaten from the inside. Stan put a hand on Richie’s shoulder and lightly shook him, a sort of odd gesture for him of all people to make. Richie moved his head to look at Stan, who looked quite pitiful of him. “What?” Richie asked. Stan also sighed and rolled his eyes. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, Rich.” He said bluntly and looked him dead in the eyes, he seemed like he was trying really hard to act like he didn’t care, but anyone with eyes could see that he did. “You’ve been pretty bummed out since the dance, did something happen?” Richie stayed quiet for a moment, thinking out what to say in his head. Him and Stan didn’t really talk feelings, it wasn’t their dynamic. Richie was supposed to be annoying Stan while he scoffed and threw snarky comments back at him. Richie felt bad for bringing sadness to the air around them. 

“I just… uh, during the dance when me and Eddie were in the hallway alone together-” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I think he was trying to tell me something, but uh, then everyone came out and interrupted us, so…” Richie stayed quiet, hoping Stan would break the silence. Stan would do this sometimes, he would just wait until you wanted to say what you meant. “I think Eddie was gonna confess to me.” Richie felt the blood rush to his cheeks, talking to anyone about this stuff was embarrassing. Stan nodded and leaned back in his chair a bit, making the floors creak. 

“I mean, yeah.” He said, not adding much input. Richie groaned and bumped his forehead into the edge of the table. “What?”

“I’m scared I’m taking it out of context.” Richie paused and sighed again. “Like, what if he was gonna just tell me he wasn’t interested? I’m like 70% sure he likes me but I don’t know if I’m just reading things wrong…” 

“Richie, 70% is still over 50%, just tell him.” 

“I don’t want to say anything unless I’m 100% sure! I just don’t want to fuck up it up, Stan!” Richie shouted, he heard the librarian down the hall shush him and he hid his face away in his hands. He didn’t mean to get so upset. “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get mad.” Stan just stared at him like he was reading between his thoughts like a book, it made Richie feel exposed. “I just want to be 100% sure…” Richie pulled his hands away to instead pick at the skin around his nails. Stan tapped his shoulder with his fingers. Richie looked over to him. 

“Richie, you can never be 100% sure if he likes you, being 100% sure would be impossible to know unless you tell him how you feel.” Stan wore a gentle smile on his face and rubbed Richie’s back with his hand, this was maybe the nicest Stan has ever been to him. “C’mere.” Stan pulled Richie into a hug that was pretty uncomfortable due to the fact they both were in chairs. Richie mumbled a quiet  _ thank you _ into Stan’s shoulder and pulled away. Stan smiled. Richie glanced at his arms, the scars across them fairly prominent on his skin. Richie wished he could’ve prevented those. He never even knew what happened that led to those stripes of white to stain his skin. Richie didn’t want to be insensitive, but… 

“I, uh, I don’t want to seem like invading or anything-” He paused, partially regretting bringing it up. “What happened, like, with your scars? I know we kind of drifted apart in like eighth grade an-and if it was because of me…” Richie’s eyes were watery, he wasn’t there when Stan needed him. “I’m so fucking sorry man.” Stan instinctively covered his arm with his hand but he didn’t seem upset or angry, just mildly uncomfortable. Richie couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. Stan moved his hand to wipe his eyes and he looked back to Richie. They both were on the verge of crying. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Richie.” Stan said quietly, he cleared his throat and sniffled. “Just sometimes it feels like… like nothing will get better.” Richie placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Around the beginning of winter break in eighth grade I had a really, really bad night. Not because of anybody but because I had this sadness that lingered in me all the time. It was like that particular night it felt like it was heavier than before-” Stan took a long breath before continuing. “It was so heavy, I would’ve done anything to make it go away. So… I tried to make it stop.” 

“Stan…” 

“But luckily my parents found me and got me to a hospital before I lost too much blood, I’m eternally grateful for that.” He sighed. “I was in a psychiatric ward for the rest of winter break despite my hatred for it. The entire time I was there I was mad that I was saved, but when I got out and saw you guys again, I remembered that you all were what I had to live for.” He smiled, “I’m on depression medication now and see a therapist, I got diagnosed with depression and OCD. You didn’t do anything wrong Richie.” He pulled Stan in for another hug and squeezed him tight, he hoped Stan could tell that he was happy he was still here. 

“If you weren’t around Stan, I don’t think the loser’s would be the same.” Richie once again mumbled into Stan’s shoulder, he could feel warm tears stain his own shirt. “I’m glad we’re close again.” 

“Me too.”

  
  


**Sophomore Year - April**

  
  


It was the 7th of April and Eddie was out shopping at the mall with Beverly, them both looking for birthday gifts for Richie. Everyone else had already got him their gifts so it was just the two of them. Eddie had been nervous about getting him a gift just because he had zero idea on how cheesy the gift should be and he wanted it to be perfect, he didn’t know why Bev hadn’t got one yet though. The two of them walked into some sort of edgy clothing store, none of it really Richie’s style but he hoped maybe they’d find something that might be of interest and buy it for him. Beverly walked over to the nail polish stand, it felt out of place in a shop like this. She examined one of the bottles, it was a dark blue with some glitter mixed inside. She rolled her eyes and put it back, heading over to Eddie. He didn’t know where to go in a store like this, he’d never shopped in stores much like this, he remembered just tagging along with Beverly to these places during her grunge phase. 

“Nail polish in stores like these are crap, I don’t know why they bother selling this shit, it looks like garbage.” Beverly grumbled, Eddie nodded in agreement. He also remembered watching Bev steal that same nail polish in eighth grade, she had a hatred for it now. “Why are we in here again?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m just hoping something in here will be something Richie likes.” He rubbed a shirt’s sleeve between his fingers, noticing they were way too expensive for something that felt so horrible. Beverly shrugged and walked over to the band tees, skimming through them like a book. The loud rock music was almost enveloping in the store, it reminded him of some stuff Richie liked. He sighed and tagged along behind Bev, she turned to him with one of the shirts pulled out the rack. 

“Richie likes this band, right?” Eddie scanned it over, she was right. He recognised the logo of a girl with blue hair without eyes. He nodded at her and she pursed her lips. “I think I’m gonna get this for him.” 

“Damn, I was thinking about getting him a band tee.” Eddie clicked his tongue.

“You can buy it for him if you want, I was just thinking about it.” She offered the hanger to him.

“No you can get it for him, I wanna get something more personal anyway.” Eddie pushed the shirt back towards Beverly, she raised an eyebrow at him. “Not like that!” 

“I dunno kid, I’m sure he would be very happy to get that sort of gift from you.” She winked at him and snorted, he rolled his eyes. “Weren’t you working on a card for him like, last year? Did you ever give that to him? A card might be a good place to start.” 

“Yeah, I told him I might make him a card or something but when I started writing I realized there was too much to fit into a card.” He walked over to the clearance section with Beverly tagging along. “I bought a journal to like, vent my feelings about him or whatever. I don’t think I’ll be able to write him a card without seeming intensely in love with him.” 

“I mean… you are though.” Eddie scoffed at her and picked up an ugly figurine with dead eyes. “Are you gonna give the journal to him instead?” He thought about it for a moment, would he? That journal was full of every embarrassing thought he has ever had about Richie and is full of him trying to connect dots on whether actions were romantic or not. It was way too humiliating to share to anybody, even Richie. He planned on keeping that journal to himself.

“No, too embarrassing.” He said bluntly while walking to the register with Beverly and watching her pay. “It’s full of like every gay thought I’ve ever had towards him, I don’t want him to make fun of me for it.” 

“I don't think he would, I’m sure he would make a few jokes but I think he’d find it sweet.” She turned to smile at him before handing the cashier her card. “But whatever. Where are we going next?” She grabbed her bag with the folded shirt and started walking beside him. 

“I dunno, I kinda want to give up at this point. I haven’t thought of anything.” He sighed and stepped out of the store. “Do you have any ideas?” Beverly held her chin while in thought. 

“You could buy him a teddy bear.” 

“A teddy bear? Why?” He asked, wondering where on earth she thought a teddy bear would be something Richie would want for his birthday. “That’s something he would’ve asked for when he was like 6.” 

“Just trust me, OK? Stuffed animals are like, cheesy enough to buy for someone without looking too into them. He’d love anything you’d buy for him, just do it.” She nudged him with her elbow. 

“Fine, where do we buy a teddy bear?” Beverly pointed down the walkway to the toy store that had a few toy bears in the window. He headed over with his friend in tow. He was hoping no one would think he was being weird. When they entered the store it was so brightly colored it hurt his eyes. His eyes caught on legos, a toy that used to be one of his favorites. He walked by the front counter and down the aisle of stuffed toys. His eyes immediately caught onto a stuffed raccoon, which reminded him of Richie. 

“Why’d we stopped?” Beverly asked, swinging the bag back and forth at her side. 

“Do you think Richie would be upset if I bought him a stuffed raccoon and told him it reminded me of him?” He asked and looked back at her, she smiled at him.

“I mean, I’m assuming you think raccoons are cute, so-” She picked up off the shelf and tucked it underneath her arm. “He’ll like it.” 

“How much is it?” He pulled out his wallet and looked at the three 5 dollar bills he had in there. Bev glanced at the price tag punctured through the stuffie’s ear. 

“Ten bucks. Do you have enough?” He nodded and walked to the cashier, Beverly put the toy on the counter and while he scanned it Eddie put two fives next to it. The cashier grabbed the fives before he put the raccoon in a red and yellow plastic bag. Beverly headed out the store to wait for him.

“Have a nice day.” He said while he pushed it across the counter. Eddie took the bag and waved goodbye and met Bev outside. 

“What do you want to do now?” She asked after she looked up from her phone. She was definitely texting Ben, she always had a little smile on her face when texting him. 

“Wanna eat at the food court? I have some money left.” 

“Sure.” They headed up an escalator that led to the food court. When they reached the top Beverly put her hand out. “Here, give me the money and I’ll buy us a basket of fries to share.” Eddie handed the bill to her and found a table for the two of them that was by the escalator. She left her bag with Eddie while she went and ordered. Eddie sighed and checked his phone, a short text from his mom in his notifications that read;  _ “When are you gonna be home?”  _ It was 3:30, so he sent a text saying he would be home around 4:30 then turned it off. His mom had been acting odd recently, she wasn’t as needy and wasn’t asking about where he was going as often anymore. He wondered if she was finally realizing her mistakes. Beverly came over with a basket of fries like promised and handed him the change. She already had a few fries in her mouth before she sat down. 

“Are they good?” He asked while popping one in his mouth, she nodded and quickly checked her phone before putting it in her coat pocket. Beverly looked nice today, she had some red eyeshadow under her eyes and wore a big camo green coat. He didn’t understand how she could look so nice with almost no effort. “You look nice by the way, I like your coat.” 

“Thanks, it was my dad’s.” She said without any weight behind it, he hoped his question didn’t make her uncomfortable. “Did your mom text you?”

“Yeah, just wondering when I’d get home.” He said while shoving a fry in his mouth. “She’s been acting weird lately.” He mumbled, Beverly’s attention perked up at the comment. 

“What kind of weird?” She asked. 

“I dunno, she hasn’t been as shitty, if that makes sense?” Beverly shook her head. “It’s like… she hasn’t been hovering over me as much lately, you know?” 

“Maybe she’s finally seeing a therapist or something?” She asked with her mouth full.

“Maybe… I just have like zero idea what’s going on with her. I’m just hoping that we can get better together.”

“Right.”

“I want to have a healthy relationship with her, because she’s my mom and I care about her.” He paused to eat a fry. “But I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to properly let me go- I don’t like having her worry about me all the time. She needs to know I can take care of myself.” 

“I’m sure that she’s realizing that, I think she just is having a hard time watching you do it. Most parents get stressed when their kid grows up.” Bev said while cracking her neck. “She’s a special case though, she’s been so stressed about it for so long, maybe now that you finally are becoming independent she’s realizing it isn’t as bad as she thought.” Eddie nodded in agreement.

“The thing is though is that she’s still really homophobic, if she ever finds out she’s gonna fucking lose her mind. I don’t know, she always says you and Rich are like  _ corrupted _ or whatever and it’s so stupid!” Eddie threw another fry in his mouth to take his anger out on it instead. 

“Is she even religious?” His friend asked. 

“No, that’s why it makes even less sense to me. She just thinks if I’m near gay people I’ll get AIDs or something, which is dumb.” He sighed. “I can’t believe I used to believe the garbage she told me, ugh.” 

“Yeah, that’s pretty fuckin’ dumb.” Beverly sent him a small frown. “Sorry you have to put up with her bullshit, kid. At least she’s showing some sort of change, better than her not trying.” Eddie groaned, he just wished she tried to be better sooner, or just never got bad in the first place. It was like his dad was the only reason she restrained herself from being too overbearing. He really missed his dad. 

“It just feels like ever since dad died, she’s been taking it out on me.” Eddie sniffled. “I wish he was still here, maybe things would be different.” 

“Oh- Eddie…” Beverly reached across the table to hold his hand tightly, he felt less alone with his friends around. “I’m sorry, you never deserved for this to happen to you.” 

“It’s OK.” He paused and held her hand back. “Thank you for always being there for me, you’re a great friend.” His phone buzzed in his pocket, another text from his mom. He took it out and checked what it said.  _ “I have something important I wanna talk to you about, come home now please.” _

Eddie on his bike ride back home was upset he had to leave early, but his mind was pondering more about what his mom needed to talk about. She said it was important and that could mean anything with her, new prescription, another rule he had to abide by, or maybe it would be something nice for once. He could never be too sure- but when he hopped off his bike and locked it up in the garage it felt like a pile of bricks was about to fall on his head. It had started raining too, adding to the brick cloud above his head. His anxiety couldn’t help but toss fears and outcomes around in his head, he just wanted to be back at the mall. He unlocked the front door with his house key and kicked off his shoes by the front door. He noticed his mother at the dinner table, her hands clasped together and her staring at him with a pitiful smile. Eddie could feel the anxiety in his toes. 

“Hi Ma,” He said while walking over to the table and sitting in the chair she pulled out for him. “Why did I need to come home early?” He avoided eye contact but could feel her bore holes in his head, the air felt off. It wasn’t filled with as much dread as it normally did when he came home. His mother sighed and looked down at her hands, she looked just as anxious as him. 

“I- I know you were hanging out with that Marsh girl today…” His stomach dropped, she was gonna ground him again wasn’t she? He could feel his emotional guard go up, he was ready to take the yelling or some horrible guilt-tripping performance by her. “You aren’t in trouble or anything, Eddie.” She stated, his whole brain flipped around. 

“What?” He asked, his hands less shaken than before. “But I thought you hated her-”

“Just, let me talk.” Her tone became more stern, like she was about to yell but she had held back. A heavy breath came out her nose before she continued. “I know that I haven’t been good to you sweetheart,” Her eyes welled up with tears, this wasn’t something he had ever expected from her. His heart was racing. “The other day… I met up with my sister’s family, Aunt Cassie. And you know, it’s just her and her son too…” 

“Mom…” 

“And I saw how happy they were, just the two of them.” She lifted her hand to wipe a tear with her pinkie. “I realized we hadn’t been like that, ever, not since your dad died. And I wanted to tell you that, no matter how hard I’ve been on you that I thought that what I was doing was keeping you safe.” Eddie held in a breath, he felt like if he breathed this would all shatter around him. “But Cassie, she made me realize that it wasn’t you that needed the help and that I was just  _ pushing _ all of my issues onto you- I realized that if my mother had treated me this way I wouldn’t want to…” She paused and looked across the room. “I wouldn’t want to trust her either. I shouldn’t have taken you away from people, I shouldn’t have pushed your father’s death onto you the way I did.” Eddie was crying now too, he hadn’t realized until he reached to touch his own face with his hand. 

“M-mom, I-” He stuttered, “I don’t know if I can… if I can trust you yet.” He stated, he was worried that this was just a ploy, a trick, to make him keep loving her. His mother nodded and wiped his cheek. 

“I know, Eddie-bear.” She smiled at him but her eyes showed the opposite. “You’ve grown a lot, and I wasn’t ever there to see it happen. And I know I have your friends to thank for making into my lovely boy.” He wasn’t used to this, it felt new and scary. He didn’t know if he could adjust to the change of heart as quickly as she could. “You can have your friends over anytime you want, I’m sorry that you felt like you had to hide your life away from me. I thought I was doing my best for you, but I was just making you feel less welcome in your own home.” Her thumb grazed his cheek in a way that was obviously supposed to be comforting but Eddie had a hard time processing it as safe. He flinched away from her hand and shuffled away in the chair. His mother showed an obvious sadness with the rejection of her affection but didn’t try again. Eddie stood up, his hands were shaking and he just wanted to be away. He wanted Richie, he didn’t want to see his mother right then. He fidgeted with his sleeve before opening his mouth to ask a question. 

“Could… could I have Richie over?” His mother’s expression showed she wouldn’t be too happy to have him in the house. But he knew if his mother really  _ did _ want to change, she wouldn’t disapprove of his friends. She sighed. 

“Yeah, sure.” She stated, she spoke in a disgusted tone, probably because she was still worried her  _ sweet boy _ might be ‘corrupted’ by Richie. Little did she know that Eddie was gay and he was entirely against her standpoints. “Just… don’t let him force you into doing anything bad.” A rush of frustration ran through his chest. Why couldn’t she just be like a normal mother? Why did she have to believe everyone around him was sickly? He shrugged off the anger and mumbled a quiet thank you before asking another question. 

“Could I also have my friend's numbers on my phone…?” He felt bad for asking more from her but he knew that it wasn’t like he was asking for a car. She gave a small nod to him and his heart pounded in his chest. He ran up to his room and immediately entered Beverly’s number into his contacts and called her, he needed everyone else’s numbers too. 

“Beverly Marsh speaking, who is it?” The familiar voice flowed through his ears and he could barely contain his excitement. 

“Bev! It’s me, listen this sounds fucking insane but my mom is allowing me to have friends in my phone now and they can come and visit!” He knew he was speaking quickly and was slightly worried Beverly wouldn’t understand him. “You’re the only number I have memorized so I need like- everyone else’s numbers and shit. Can- can you text them to me?” His mouth was talking faster than his brain could think, he knew he had a lot of mental shit he needed to unpack about that conversation with his mom but he just wanted to bask in the freedom she just gave him. 

“Yeah sure Eddie, here I’m gonna end the call and send you everyone’s numbers. You also have to give me the deets on your mom soon, ‘kay? Talk to you later?” Beverly hung up the call and Eddie collapsed in his bed, his mind racing on hundreds of questions at once. He planned on inviting Richie over so he could word vomit everything that happened and hopefully figure it out himself. He missed Richie, they hadn’t seen each other today because Eddie needed to go buy him his birthday present. Eddie’s phone buzzed in his pocket and when he clicked the notification it was all the loser’s numbers. Eddie quickly punched them into his phone and immediately rang up Richie. 

“Hello?” Richie sounded groggy on the other end of the line, he had probably been sleeping. 

“Rich! It’s me, Eddie.” He paused to take a deep breath, “My mom is like… allowing me to have friends over now and stuff, and contacts on my phone. B-but uh, would you like to come over? Like right now?” There was a short bit of silence on the line, Eddie was worried Richie might not have wanted to see him. 

“Wait- for real? Holy shit Mrs. K you did one thing right in your life!” Eddie could hear Richie standing up from his bed and messing with some stuff on his desk. “Yeah I’ll be right over, but like… are you sure she’s cool with me, Eds?” He asked quietly. Eddie lingered on it for a moment. He knew his mother wasn’t approving of Richie, she had a hatred for him due to his divergence of normalcy, but he knew his mom wouldn’t say anything straight to his face. 

“She’s cool with it, if she says anything I’ll tell her off.” Eddie whispered, hoping that it would convince Richie. 

“OK.” 

  
  


Richie for the first time in a while, knocked on the front door of the Kasprak’s. It felt weird, he was scared that when the door opened he would be met with Mrs. K yelling at him to book it before she called the cops. Richie had no idea what happened to make Eddie’s mother be less of a cold-hearted bitch, but he was glad that something finally got her ancient gears to start working again. The front door opened and he was met with Eddie, obviously filled to the brim with excitement. He hadn’t seen Eddie like this since they were kids. 

“I- Hi Eddie.” Richie stuttered, he was scared of saying something to make Mrs. K take Eddie away. His eyes were so lively and warm, he just wanted to sink into a pit of  _ Eddie _ . 

“Richie!” Eddie practically leaped for a hug, which Richie reciprocated obviously, but he was still taken aback by the thrumming excitement Eddie was radiating. Richie made sure to squeeze Eddie tight and lift him off the ground. He could feel Eddie giggle into his shoulder, his energy was contagious, because now Richie was giggling like mad. It was like they hadn’t seen each other in months, it felt new, different. Richie put Eddie down and looked at him adoringly, and as much as he was tempted to pull Eddie in for a kiss, he knew Mrs. K would see and probably yell at him for it. 

“I missed you today.” Richie said with a small smile. 

“I missed you too.” Eddie said quietly, due to his mother being right by the window. “Let’s go inside.” Eddie pulled Richie by the hand inside the house, the floorboards creaked and the silence in the air was almost deafening. The house was normally like this, mainly due to the tension Eddie’s mother caused, but before Eddie’s dad died this house felt alive. Richie remembered the first time he stayed over and Eddie’s dad would be up and about, swinging Eddie by the feet while they goofed around. Frank Kaspbrak always tried to make Eddie happy despite his cancer. Richie remembered envying Eddie during that time in their lives, he had a dad who tried, who loved. Now when he looks back on those memories they hurt, mainly because he knew what happened to Frank, and how much it all changed. Eddie pulled Richie past the living room, but Richie made quick eye contact with Mrs. K, who just sent him a protective glare. He waved at her before Eddie yanked him up the stairs and to his room. When Eddie closed the door behind them he pulled Richie in for another hug, this one was almost bone crushing. 

“Woah- didn’t know you missed me this much, cutie.” Richie hugged back, happy he was with Eddie. 

“I missed you a lot even though I saw you yesterday.” Eddie rubbed his cheek on Richie’s shoulder and sighed. “I think I just missed you being able to knock on my front door to see me.” Richie smiled at the comment and pulled out of the hug to look at Eddie. He was dressed pretty plainly today, blue overalls with a red sweater on underneath, his nails recently painted too. When Richie met eyes with Eddie he could sense something was wrong, Eddie’s excitement seemed to fade the second the door closed behind them. 

“What’s up?” Richie asked, placing his hand on the curve of Eddie’s cheek, the boy sighed into it and closed his eyes. His eyebrows drew up into a worrying look. 

“Just… my mom and stuff.” Richie hummed in response, he moved his hand to hold onto Eddie’s and pulled them to his bed. 

“I was wondering why she suddenly let you have friends over, what happened?” Richie questioned, hoping he wasn’t prying too much. Eddie rested his head on Richie’s shoulder and held his bicep. 

“She like made me come home early from hanging out with Beverly, and we both know how much my mom despises her-” Eddie paused, “She told me that like a while ago she had met up with my Aunt Cass and it’s just like her and her kid too. Just like me and mom. And she saw how happy and close they were compared to us, and I guess it hit her really hard that she’s been pushing me away rather than bringing me close. I… I dunno.” Eddie’s breathing was slow but it was heavy, like his anxiety was creeping up on him. Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. 

“So she’s trying to make it up to you?” He asked. Eddie shrugged and held Richie’s hand. He could feel Eddie’s anxiety buzz around the room. 

“I-I guess, but I don’t know if I’m re-ready for that yet.” Richie felt a tear fall onto his jeans, Eddie was crying now. “She wants me to-to trust her just because, just because she  _ wants _ to be better. I can’t trust she’s changing!” Eddie hiccupped, he hadn’t had an anxiety attack like this for a while. Richie squeezed his hand tightly and nestled his nose in Eddie’s hair. “I’m not ready to move on yet… but I feel like I-I’m supposed to. She’s my mom I’m supposed to believe her-” Eddie’s tears fell down his cheeks and made a wet spot on Richie’s pants. Eddie leaned down to rest his head in Richie’s lap, Richie tangled his fingers through Eddie’s hair and started to comb through it, hoping to smooth the boy under him. 

“Eddie…” Richie trailed off, he was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t imply that he wanted to beat the emotional abuse out of Mrs. K. Richie wished she had realized she needed to change sooner, now Eddie felt like they were trapped in this unhealthy family dynamic and he was scared it was all a rouse. “I’m sure she wants to change, you know?” Richie shuffled a bit in the spot he was sitting in. “And I know that’s hard to believe, even I struggle to believe that she wants to- but something I believe is that you are allowed to not trust her yet.” Richie leaned down to rest his forehead on Eddie’s arm. “You’re allowed to never trust her or forgive her again, if you want. But I would say, is to not trust her unless she shows genuine change.” 

“B-but this is a change… she let you stay over- she let me have my friend’s phone numbers- th-that’s change…” Eddie said with a quiver in his voice. Richie wished he could kiss Eddie’s problems away, he wished that if he kissed Eddie, Frank would be alive, his mother wouldn’t have ever had a downfall- He wanted Eddie to be OK again. 

“...What change do you think would prove she’s trustworthy?” Richie asked, he felt Eddie hold his breath for a moment. 

“If she wouldn’t be hateful to the people I care about.” He stated, “And if she didn’t hate gay people so much.” His voice was squeaky, both of those were understandable reasons to not want to trust her, Richie only could hope that Eddie’s mom would change. “But those probably aren’t possible.” 

“No, they are. And if she really loves you, she’ll realize her hatred isn’t healthy for you.” Eddie’s breathing was becoming irregular again. “Do we need to count?” Richie felt Eddie quickly nod and so he grasped Eddie’s hand and began. “One… two… three… four…” 

When Eddie finally calmed down he had hugged Richie tight, and continually apologized even though he said it was OK. Richie didn’t want Eddie to feel bad for being upset. They laid in Eddie’s bed, snuggling until Eddie had passed out across Richie’s bicep. The table lamp was still on so Richie turned over enough to not wake him up and shut off the light. Before he rested his head, he saw a bag on Eddie’s desk for a toy store at the mall, he hoped it was for him. 

  
  
  


It was April 13th, Richie’s birthday. He had been looking forward to it for the past two weeks, his dad wouldn’t be home, Beverly wouldn’t be stuck at home due to her dad- his 16th birthday had a lovely air around it and he hoped it would live up to his expectations. They were holding the gathering at Bev’s place since her aunt was going to be away and said  _ “You kids can smoke or drink all you want as long as you keep it clean, alright?”  _ Needless to say, there were fairly low standards to keep up while they were there. Richie was mainly excited because Eddie was actually given permission to go by his mom, it was nice being able to take him places without it being secretive. 

Richie stood outside the Kaspbrak’s house, waiting for Eddie to come down so they could walk to Beverly’s together. Eddie had been insistent on walking alone because it would’ve been more inconvenient for Richie to walk with Eddie since Richie lived right by her. But Richie managed to be convincing enough. He texted Eddie that he was outside and he could see his silhouette in his bedroom window of him rushing to grab a bag off his desk. Eddie came down the stairs quickly after with a backpack on his shoulders and a gift bag in his left hand. He looked a bit worked up, either due to some time anxiety or he was just excited. He approached Richie with a big grin on his face while he wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, pulling him into an embrace. 

“Happy birthday, Rich.” He said while he pulled away. “Sorry I look like a mess, woke up a bit late.” Richie took a good look at Eddie, he didn’t look nearly as messy as he probably thought. His hair was a bit tousled but not in a bad way. He was fairly sure Eddie had on makeup, but it was so subtle it could be easily a trick of the eyes. He was wearing a pair of old red track shorts with one of Richie’s bigger shirts which made his heart melt a bit at the sight, and he also had on his knee highs from middle school. He looked utterly adorable, he just wanted to squeeze the life out of him. He remembered those socks were something he had dreamt about many times, he wanted to pull those socks off of him so bad. 

“I think you look nice, Eds. Look a bit wrecked though, were you up late ja-” Eddie forced a palm over Richie’s mouth before he continued speaking. 

“Why do you have to be like this? My mom is in earshot you know.” Eddie pulled his hand away and his cheeks were blushing profusely. 

“Maybe Mrs. K had reasons to keep you locked away, I’m ruining you.” Richie joked, but he knew that there were some implications in his words. Eddie seemed to notice but avoided eye contact. 

“I was ruined long before you, Rich.” 

“We met in preschool, unless your dad was cracking dick jokes in front of you when you were three, it was definitely me who corrupted you.” Richie moved closer and held Eddie’s jaw, making him look up at him. Richie felt like he was on one today, he was being more bold than usual. Eddie smirked and pulled away. 

“We need to get to Beverly’s.” He stated as he started to walk towards her house. Richie fell not too far behind and stretched his arms above his head, he was quite tired. He had to wake up early to open gifts with his mom and he stayed up fairly late the night before mainly because Eddie didn’t let him stay over. He sleeps horribly alone, Eddie’s like a teddy bear he clinged to since he was a child, he couldn’t sleep comfortably without him. Eddie yawned and bumped into Richie’s arm. He wrapped his arm around the shorter boy and nuzzled his nose into Eddie’s hair. He was careful not to lose his balance. 

“What’s up? You seem tired.” He asked, maybe it had to do with his birthday gift, or he just had trouble sleeping. 

“I just had a long night, that’s all.” Eddie replied plainly while he clutched his backpack strap. Richie could tell the bag was hurting his back. 

“Give me your backpack, I’ll carry it.” Eddie absentmindedly shrugged it off his shoulders for Richie to carry. He looked truly tired despite him trying to seem like he wasn’t. He hung the backpack off one of his shoulders and also yawned, he hated that they were contagious. Eddie looked up at him with his lovely and sleepy brown eyes. 

“You look tired too, you OK?” 

“Yeah I’m good, I just have trouble sleeping without you, I stayed up super late last night.” Eddie hummed in response and snuggled a bit more into him. Richie made sure to have a good grip on him so he wouldn’t fall if he misstepped. They finally reached Bev’s and Richie grabbed his keys from his pocket, he got a copy of the keys to her place since Beverly wanted him to be able to go somewhere if his dad was acting up. He opened the door and headed to the living room where all his friends sat, gifts on the coffee table. Eddie walked over and put his gift down. 

“Happy birthday, man.” Mike said from the loveseat, with his boyfriends crushing him with affection. 

“Happy birthday, Richie!” Bev came up behind him and Eddie and pulled him in for a side hug. She kissed his cheek and collapsed on the couch with Ben. “The recliner was saved for you and Eddie.” She winked at them before snuggling underneath Ben’s arm. Richie ignored her implications and sat in the chair, Eddie sat beside him with his legs hung over Richie’s. 

“Oh yeah, don’t get too settled, we need you to open your gifts and blow out your candles.” Ben said while smiling at him. Richie nodded at him and leaned his head on Eddie’s shoulder, he felt quite content despite being tired as fuck. 

“When are we gonna smoke or whatever?” Richie asked. 

“Whenever you want, dude, it’s your birthday after all.” Mike answered, Richie could already smell the weed from here. The stench made him feel oddly comforted, it reminded him of Mike who overall is a comforting person. He wanted to smoke with Mike and Bev at some point, they were both fun smoking buddies. 

“How about we play a game or something?” Richie asked, he felt like the vibe in the room was a little dull since it was a bit early in the day. “Or we could all take a nap since we all look pretty tuckered out.” 

“I don’t feel tired!” Mike commented with a grin plastered on his face. 

“Babe, you wake up at 5 AM every morning to do work on the farm, it’s different for you.” Stan yawned into Mike’s arm, and hugged it tightly. “Maybe we should play a party game or something, could wake us up.” Richie nodded in agreement and looked at Eddie to gage his opinion, he shrugged. 

“I’m up for it if everyone else wants to.” Eddie said while he cracked his wrist. 

“Bev? Ben?” Richie asked while leaning past Eddie to check on them. 

“That sounds good to me, Bevvie?” Ben asked, she mumbled what sounded like a ‘sure’ into his chest and Ben nodded at him. 

“We-We could play ne-never have I-I ever?” Bill suggested. 

“That’ll be kinda hard since we’ve all known each other for so long, we’re all gonna start targeting each other out of spite.” Ben mentioned. “But that might make the game more fun.” Richie thought for a moment how to make the game have a fun twist- they could make it a drinking game but mixing weed and alcohol would make Eddie lose his shit. Mike raised his hand. “Huh?” 

“The first person to have all their fingers down could take the edible I brought? They’ll be fucked up for a  _ while _ .” 

“Can we all collectively agree to target Stan specifically?” Richie was met with a couch pillow to the face for the comment. 

“No, trashmouth. We’re playing normally.” Stan sat up in his seat and lifted both his hands. “And I guess since it’s your birthday, you get to go first as well.” Richie scooted up in his seat and lifted his hands up too. 

“OK well, never have I ever gone bird watching.” Stan glared at him from across the room while putting a finger down, along with Mike and Bill. “Damn, I didn’t know ALL three of you were dorks.” 

“W-we went on a pic-picnic and looked at birds, it wuh-was fun.” Bill smiled at Richie. “Your t-turn, Ed-Eddie.” Richie looked at the boy beside him, wondering what he was gonna say. He knew a lot of things Eddie  _ had  _ done, but he had no idea what things he hadn’t done. Eddie raised both his hands. 

“Never have I ever needed glasses.” Eddie said while nudging Richie in the chest. 

“How dare you, Kaspbrak.” Richie put a finger down and saw Stan put one down too. Surprisingly, so did Bev. “Wait, Miss Marsh needing  _ glasses _ ? Your cool factor has gone done for sure.” She rolled her eyes at him. 

“I wear contacts, I got them a few weeks ago. My aunt took me to the optometrist for the first time in like 7 years and I realized I can’t see shit.” Beverly sat up with 9 fingers still up. “Never have I ever eaten a bug.” Bev smirked as everyone but her and Eddie put their fingers down. 

“Why the fuck have you guys eaten bugs?!” Eddie shivered in disgust and poked Richie in the arm. “Why have YOU eaten a bug? I’m sure I would’ve made you stop!” 

“I was three, we hadn’t met yet. Plus I’m sure if I did it in front of you I could’ve even convinced you to do it with me.” Richie laughed while Eddie gagged. Ben cleared his throat to speak. 

“Never have I ever kissed a guy.” Bill, Mike, Stan, and Bev put their fingers down. Richie didn’t know if Ben meant on the lips or just on the cheek. 

“Like… on the mouth?” Richie sheepishly asked, he heard Stan giggle from across the room but he ignored it. 

“It can be the cheek too.” Ben gave Richie that look he always does when he knows something. Richie put his finger down along with Eddie. 

“That was an unfair question, dude. You know all of us except you are at least somewhat gay.” Stan grumbled but Ben just smiled and awaited Stan’s turn. “Hm, OK then. Never have I ever kissed a  _ girl _ .” Stan said while directly looking at Ben who sighed and put a finger down. Bev, Bill and Mike did as well. “Including the cheek, Richard.” He teased, Richie put his finger down. He kissed Bev on the cheek before, mainly because she did the same to him. He hadn’t really noticed up until this moment that he’s never kissed anyone before despite all his bragging he did in middle school. Thirteen year old Richie constantly compensated for what he didn’t have. Maybe this entire time he had subconsciously been saving it for Eddie, even though there were no guarantees it would happen. He pushed that thought aside and glanced at Eddie who looked a little uncomfortable, he was probably still queasy from the idea that Richie ate a bug 13 years ago. He rested one of his hands on Eddie’s thigh to offer some subtle comfort. 

“OK homeschool, your go.” Richie smiled at Mike. He held his face as if he were stroking a beard that wasn’t there. 

“Never have I ever been outside of Maine.” Bill and Ben put their fingers down, only because they both had family up in New York they’d visit during thanksgiving. 

“Damn, all of us except these two lucky bastards have been sucked into the void of Maine.” Richie quipped, no one laughed though. “The second me and Eddie graduate I’m takin’ this cutie to Portland.” Eddie chuckled and Richie pinched his cheek. 

“Which Portland? There’s two of ‘em.” Bev asked. 

“I mean personally I wanna see what it's like up in the Northeast, what do you think, Eds?” 

“Hm, I mean I kinda wanna be as far away from Derry as humanly possible so… probably Oregon.” Eddie replied. 

“Thank god, I was gonna be bummed if I couldn’t legally buy weed for my college years.” Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“Also it just seems nice up there, I wanna visit that one like… Wizard’s castle? Is that what it’s called?” Eddie paused to think. 

“I think it’s called the Witch’s Castle?” Mike wondered. 

“Yeah that place, I wanna go see it.” Eddie shuffled in his seat. “I wanna be able to go see what shit is like away from this place, you know? I don’t know how I’m gonna convince my mom to let me move so far out though.” 

“I mean if she really wants you to be able to trust her she’s gonna have to learn to let that shit go.” Stan stated, everyone nodded in agreement. “Oh yeah, Bill, your turn.” Stan said with affection strung in his voice. 

“Uh, neh-never have I ever w-worn a d-dress.” Bev quickly put her finger down and when Richie glanced at Eddie he slowly put a finger down to his surprise. Everyone’s eyes were on him. 

“Beverly made me do it, and I can’t say no to her.” Eddie mumbled. 

“I mean, we don’t care dude. Wear whatever you want.” Mike sent a smile to Eddie which was filled with a welcoming vibe. Eddie smiled back politely. God what Richie would give to see Eddie in a sundress. He tried to brush that topic in his mind away so he could focus on the game at hand. Bill had the most fingers down, so he could target him for the next few rounds. 

“Never have I ever had a sibling.” Richie laughed as Bill sent him a middle finger before putting another down. Ben did as well, Richie only heard about Ben’s older sister, she lived in NYC and was studying art history. 

“How’s your sister doing by the way, Ben?” Beverly asked, he shrugged in response. 

“We haven’t talked much lately since her finals are due, but she’s OK I think.” Ben cracked his neck. “She wants to send me up there for the summer, she thinks I’d like it there.” Beverly hummed in acknowledgment before glaring at Eddie. 

“Your turn, kid.” Eddie met eyes with Richie, seeming to catch onto Richie’s plan. 

“Never have I ever dated more than three of the people in this room.” Bill groaned and put a finger down, Bev snorted and tried to hold back a laugh. 

“Y-you guys s-suck.” Bill complained with no malice. 

“I’ll take pity on ya, Bill. Never have I ever broken a bone.” Beverly watched Eddie and Mike put their fingers down.

“Al-also why aren’t w-we targeting Ed-Eddie? He only had th-three f-fingers down.” 

“I haven’t done many things, Bill. I’m safe and don’t eat bugs.” 

“You broke your arm though.” Richie said in his ear. 

“Shut the fuck up, that was an accident. And you didn’t help by trying to set it! The doctor literally said, ‘Whoever tried to set your arm was an idiot, kiddo.’ So…” Eddie smiled fondly, obviously meaning no malice. Ben was staring deeply into the maroon wallpaper of Bev’s living room, seeming to be thinking hard on what to say. 

“OK, I got one. Never have I ever been grounded.” Everyone groaned and put a finger down except Mike. “Wait, Richie, your mom has grounded you?” Richie hesitated to answer. 

“Uh, nah. It was um, my dad.” Ben’s face immediately swam with guilt, you could tell. 

“Oh- fuck sorry, I forgot-” 

“It’s OK dude, my dad isn’t around much anyway to ground me. He’s too busy bangin’ his receptionist to come home.” The air in the room shifted quite a bit, but not positively. If anything his joke made it more tense. “Um, can we move on? Don’t wanna make today a bummer because of some prick who happened to help conceive me.” Everyone agreed and moved on. Eddie however after the game continued, he held their hands together tight. Richie didn’t mind. 

In the end Bill did lose, he ate a row of a chocolate bar and complained about how much it tasted like weed. Each of them joked about how long it would be until Bill was high off his ass. They all decided that Bill probably shouldn’t smoke, just to be safe. But before Bill’s edible was supposed to kick in, they decided it was time for cake and presents. 

“OK, let me grab the cake from the fridge-  _ don’t _ start without me!” Beverly disappeared into the kitchen and Richie sat himself in front of the coffee table. Eddie slid in next to him and placed his bagged gift next to the table. 

“Y’know R-Richie, something th-that’s always bothered m-me is that your b-birthday is s-so close to 4/20, but y-you just had to cuh-come out like a w-week before it.” Bill mentioned. 

“That would’ve been kind of a pain though, my birthday  _ and _ holiday in one? Which would people prioritize?” 

“Well obviously your birthday, but I think we would just have to combine them into one.” Mike replied, already flicking his lighter on and off in his hand. 

“I don’t know if I feel up for smoking today, I’m just feeling a bit off right now.” Eddie commented, he rested his chin and was biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Well babe, if you still feel unsure after gifts and cake, you don’t hafta join us.” Richie grinned at him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Richie could barely keep his hands off of him anymore. 

“I just still feel sleepy.” Richie hummed in response and pulled Eddie into a side hug. Richie nuzzled his nose into Eddie’s soft hair before turning to look over at Beverly, who had the cake in her arms. 

“I make it illegal for y’all to start singing happy birthday, if you do I’ll leave.” Beverly snickered before placing it on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Well since we can’t sing for you, happy birthday, Richie.” Beverly said, ruffling his hair a bit. Everyone else said their happy birthdays while Bev handed Richie a knife to cut the cake with. Richie admired the effort his friend put into this cake, it said  _ ‘Happy sweet sixteen, Tozier!’ _ With a few hearts and flowers scattered across the empty space. He only felt a little bad for cutting it up. He sank the knife into the cake smoothly, trying to make sure each slice was even. Beverly placed some paper plates down and plastic forks. Richie gave himself the biggest slice and leaned back on the couch and took a giant bite. It was as good as he expected it to be, Beverly had many talents, one of those included baking. 

“Sweet cake, Marsh.” Richie complimented with his mouth full. 

“No problem, you just better give me a good gift on my birthday.” She winked at him before getting herself a slice along with Ben. Eddie was scarfing down his own slice quickly, he seemed like he was starving. 

“Did you not eat this morning?” He asked. 

“Oh, no I didn’t have time. I needed to shower and I woke up late, so…” Eddie finished his cake slice and leaned back to rest a cheek on Richie’s shoulder. 

“Well if you want a bite from mine you’re welcome to it, mine is massive…” Richie paused, Eddie glared at him, knowing where this was going. “Just like my dick-” Eddie groaned and shoved him, careful enough not to make Richie drop the plate. 

“I should’ve stopped you before you said anything.” He held back a laugh while Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“I know you think I’m funny, you don’t have to hide it from yourself.” 

“I’ll never give you that ego boost.” he replied, “Now give me a bite of your cake.” 

“Which one?” Richie joked while he was met with another shove from Eddie. “I’m kidding, sorry to lie about having a nice ass, we all know that you’re the one with cake, Eds.” Eddie was basically tomato red, either from embarrassment or anger. 

“Shut up and give me cake.” Eddie grabbed his fork and took a bite. Richie looked around the room and noticed the others watching the two of them interact, all smiling. He and Eddie always got caught up in their own world sometimes, Stan sent him a bit of an evil smile before moving on to continue his conversation with Bill. He looked back to the plate and saw that about a quarter of it was gone. 

“You’re like, fucking hungry. Jesus.” Richie put his plate down on the table and turned to Bev. “Do you have any like, actual food? Eddie didn’t eat this morning.” 

“There’s some old hot pockets in the freezer, but we’re gonna order some pizza soon.” She took her phone out of her pocket, punching in what Richie assumes is the pizza place. “Do you wanna order now?” Eddie nodded quickly. She got up to walk to the kitchen to place their order, she knew what everyone wanted by heart. Eddie leaned back on the couch and held his stomach, it growled loudly. 

“Did you not eat dinner either?” Richie asked. 

“I did but it wasn’t much, just some mac and cheese.” He said, pouting. Richie scooted next to him and pulled him into a bit of a side hug. 

“Maybe you’re finally hitting your growth spurt, you never really had one, did you?” Eddie rolled his eyes and leaned into Richie’s touch. 

“Maybe, I’m hoping to be at least 5’9.” 

“Well you’re like 5’6, you’re getting there.” Ben commented with a smile. “Finally you’d be tall enough to make eye contact with Richie without looking up.” Eddie let out a frustrated huff. 

“Yeah, you have gotten taller actually, I just noticed.” Richie said, Eddie had actually gotten a bit taller since freshman year. Eddie had been about 5’4 when high school began, now he was maybe 5’6? Richie couldn’t exactly tell, he only could guess based on his own height. Eddie looked about a head shorter than him, and Richie was 6’1. 

“Well I’m an average height, I'm just about 5’6.” Eddie said proudly, it was cute when he tried to justify his height compared to Richie’s. “At least I’m not a beanstalk, Richie could shoot through the clouds if he jumped high enough.” 

“Wanna be Jack, Eds? Climb me?” Eddie whacked Richie’s arm, “Is that a no?” 

“Can you not be horny for like, two seconds? You’re being ruthless today.” Eddie let out a breathy laugh, trying to not seem amused by Richie’s antics.

“Offers always open, Jack.” Richie winked at the boy next to him and Eddie quickly looked back to Ben to continue their conversation. 

“How tall are you, Ben?” 

“About 5’11, my growth spurt hit hard freshman year.” Beverly came back into the room after Ben finished his sentence and slid under his arm. 

“What’re you dorks talkin’ about?” She asked, a gutteral yawn tearing from her throat.

“Heights.” Eddie answered while he grasped Richie’s hand between the two of them. 

“Mm, Mike, you’re like the second tallest- right?” She looked over to Mike who was combing through Bill’s hair with his fingers. 

“Yeah, 6 foot, me and Rich could end up being the same height.” Mike looked back down to Bill, who was hugging Mike’s waist and mumbling gibberish. “What’s up, babe?” 

“I’m… hi-high off my a-ass…” Bill spoke up and groaned into Mike’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, you’re definitely not smoking.” Stan cooed, rubbing Bill’s arm. “Speaking of smoking, let’s get on with the gifts so I can be as fucked up as Bill.” Stan’s comment erupted laughter all around the room. 

  
  


After opening presents they migrated up to Beverly’s room to smoke, though they opened a window to avoid hot boxing it. Richie told Eddie he liked the gift, only slightly jabbing at him for buying him a stuffed animal. He found it funny why Eddie picked a raccoon of all things,  _ “Maybe I’ll buy you a teddy bear for your birthday, Eds.” _ The idea of Richie buying him a stuffed animal made him more fluttery than he wanted to admit. 

Now they sat on Bev’s bedroom floor, a joint being lit by Mike and handed over to his right. Eddie watched it carefully, he still hadn’t decided if he felt up to it today. Luckily he was one of the last people in the rotation, so he could afford to wait. The smoke floated out of Stan’s mouth gracefully, as if he was a natural. Eddie reminded Stan of a gazelle, delicate and graceful with each movement. If he didn’t have an overwhelming crush on Richie, he would’ve had a massive crush on Stan. Stan handed the joint over Bill’s lazy body that laid across Stan’s lap and over to Beverly. She took a quick hit before returning to her conversation with Ben. Eddie felt Richie nudge him with his elbow. 

“What?” Eddie asked quietly. 

“You good?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Did you like everyone’s gifts?” 

“Of course, these people know me like the back of their hands.” Richie emphasized his point by flashing the back of his hand. “Yours was my favorite though, it was cute.” Eddie suppressed the warm feeling in his chest. 

“I hoped you would, I had to exist in a toy store at 16. It was embarrassing.” Eddie huffed. 

“I’m sure it wasn’t too bad,” Richie looked to his left and was handed the joint. “You gonna smoke?” Eddie sighed and stared at the joint held between two of Richie’s fingers. He was still tired, and he felt a bit shitty. He shook his head and Richie just shrugged, placing it between his lips. Eddie tried not to think too hard about Richie’s mouth on his. Richie reached over Eddie to hand it to Mike. 

“Is it weird that I feel kinda bad for not doing it?” Eddie looked to Richie for an answer. 

“No? You don’t have to smoke just ‘cause the rest of us are. You can do what you do best and take care of me.” Richie said with a smile, he wrapped an arm around Eddie. 

“Just don’t like, drool on me or try and make me do something stupid.” Eddie scoffed and leaned into Richie once again. It was hard to not fall into the affection Richie gave him. At this moment, thought after thought lingered in his mind asking if maybe he should tell Richie how he felt- although he didn’t want to confess to Richie when he was high off his ass. Richie took another hit and smiled at Eddie, the smoke sneaking by the gaps in his teeth and braces, Eddie wondered when he would get them taken off. Beverly called his name, so he turned to look at her. 

“You’re not smoking?” She asked. 

“No, I’m kind of in a lame mood today and I don’t wanna feel lame _and_ high.” Beverly pursed her lips and nodded before laying back onto the floor. “I also wanna watch you guys look stupid.” Richie chuckled from above him. Richie passed the joint over again before sinking into Eddie’s lap, a sigh lifting up his chest. Eddie rested his hand on Richie’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb across his pink hawaiian shirt, one he hadn’t seen before.   
“When did you get this one?” Eddie asked, Richie turned over facing Eddie’s torso and looking up at him from the corner of his eye. 

“I got it today from my mom, you like it?” Richie said with a smile. Eddie did, it was pink, one of his favorite colors.

“Yeah, looks nice on you.” Richie had always looked lovely in pink despite him not enjoying the color very much. Eddie sometimes forgot how nice pink looked on him due to him not wearing it very often. 

“Thank youuu…” Richie paused, “I got it because I knew you would think I look nice in it, I know how much you like pink.” He said slowly, like he was almost asleep. Eddie felt a fond smile grow on his face. 

“I think you look nice regardless, I just think pink looks especially wonderful on you.” He could tell Richie was hiding a grin by hugging Eddie’s torso. 

“Aw Eds, you’re makin’ me blush.” Eddie scoffed. 

“Just take the compliment, dumbass.” Richie laughed into Eddie’s torso which made a flurry of butterflies swarm there, he was trying really hard to show Richie that he- liked him. He doesn’t want Richie to think he’s just toying with him, because he wants to be with him just as much as he does. Eddie leaned down and pressed a kiss into his shoulder and looked at Beverly who for the first time in a while, was resting on Ben’s lap without tension in her shoulders. He was glad she was finally able to feel more comfortable around him. Ben tapped Eddie on the shoulder, joint in hand, gesturing for him to give it to Richie. He picked it up and rested it between Richie’s lips, who took a second to register what was going on. He sat up and huffed some before handing it back to Mike, then he looked back to Eddie. 

“Hm.” 

“What?” Eddie asked. 

“Do you know what shotgunning is?” Richie said while maintaining eye contact. Eddie shook his head, he heard the phrase dance around in conversation with Mike, but he never had it explained to him. “Do you wanna know?” 

“What is it?” He asked reluctantly, he was intrigued but didn’t know if it would be something stupid or not. Richie smiled and scooted a bit so his body faced Eddie’s. 

“Basically, I like- take a hit and hold it in my mouth, and then we get really close…” Richie moved his head closer to Eddie’s, their mouths close. “And you press your mouth with mine and breathe it in.” Richie’s eyes continued to stare directly into Eddie’s, his pupils were blown pretty big, a thinner ring of blue surrounding the pit of his pupil. Eddie’s voice caught in his throat, that was just kissing but with smoke between them, and while he really did want to try it, he wanted Richie to be sober if they kissed. But then again, Richie might just be bringing it up, they didn’t have to try it. 

“Why are we talking about this, Rich?” Eddie whispered, he tried to intimidate Richie with his eyes. Richie lowered his voice and said-

“Would you wanna try that with me?” Eddie once again felt taken aback by the statement, Eddie didn’t know how to flirt. But he also wasn’t in the mood for this. 

“I told you I didn’t wanna get high today-” He said, Richie’s expression became pitiful. “But maybe next time.” Eddie pressed a kiss onto Richie’s nose and turned to Beverly, she winked at him before inviting him into the conversation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I FINALLY FINISHED AAAA!! Thank you for reading, I know this took a really long time and it's been almost a YEAR since I started this fic but I have spent so much time and work into this chapter and I really hope you enjoy it! Also, I wanna discuss a few sections of this chapter since some of them are very very serious situations. 
> 
> The situation with Beverly and her dad was based on my own personal experience with assault, and it may not be accurate in its entirety since I personally never went to the police with my situation. I wanted Beverly to be out of the situation with her father. I don't want to discuss it too much longer but if it made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, I portrayed in a way that I was personally comfortable with.
> 
> The Halloween scene when Eddie and Richie are getting changed in the bathroom together and Eddie asks him to stop is also a personal experience. Eddie was drunk, and he didn't feel comfortable with Richie touching him and that's OK! I wanted that scene to show the importance of boundaries, and that even if you are attracted to someone you're allowed to set a boundary if you aren't personally ready, and the same goes for other scenes in which either of them are uncomfortable with certain physical contact. 
> 
> And no, Eddie's mom isn't suddenly redeemed. She did say she wanted to be better for Eddie and that is a wonderful thing but this sort of change isn't instant, and it will be a while before Eddie is ready to forgive her. A lot of this chapter is Eddie learning to set his own boundaries and try to learn what he wants and him becoming more comfortable with himself. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading so far and I hope you enjoyed! I'll get the next chapter out as soon as possible <3 I hope this chapter is worth the wait it's like 70+ pages haha

**Author's Note:**

> I'm updating this fic by years, so itll take a while for new chapters. thank you for reading so far!!


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